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okay, known my friend thirteen years, she borrows the odd £20 off me, always pays back, today she asked for a second £20, so now I am owed £40, til Wednesday

 

 

thing is that she owes other people money too, her dad, credit cards as well, hundreds, so as soon as she gets her income it goes on debts, she is a gambler see, not my thing, but she is sweet and we go back a long way

 

 

she did once lend me £150 when I was locked out, a true friend, she put me up overnight too, so I do owe her a nice loan back, sure, but I think she will keep asking for £40 help in the future, each time we hang out

 

 

I usually never lend what I can not afford to lose, I did not give her the £40 willingly, but knowing she has a right to ask, I did in the end

 

 

but cuz of the risk of being used like this, I do not know if one day she will just owe too much to others (her dad and credit cards) to pay me, I think she should stop gambling for a month to get on her feet, but she is happily addicted, we are both over fifty years old, so nobody can dictate to another, I hate big loans, so I think of seeing less of her

 

mixed up, I am...help!!

Edited by darkmoon
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Lending to friends can really destroy a friendship because at some point the friend owing the money will avoid you so they don't get confronted about it.

Two choices here: Simply say you would if you had it but you yourself are currently cash-poor. The other thing is you can tell her "You haven't paid back the last loan yet! No more loans until you're caught up." You don't do anyone a favor constantly loaning them money. It keeps them from taking steps to permanently solve their problem.

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Lending to friends can really destroy a friendship because at some point the friend owing the money will avoid you so they don't get confronted about it.

Two choices here: Simply say you would if you had it but you yourself are currently cash-poor. The other thing is you can tell her "You haven't paid back the last loan yet! No more loans until you're caught up." You don't do anyone a favor constantly loaning them money. It keeps them from taking steps to permanently solve their problem.

 

 

 

she knows about my life, my income included, I could not be cash poor, she knows when I have money, I feel used already at the thought of being asked again, I wish I had not stayed there for so long today, it will now be part of the landscape, a big loan, I think I will change the groundrules - she visits me, but she is lazy and I will just not keep cash in the house, I love her dearly but I do despise borrowers deep-down, I see losers

 

 

....still wonder what others here say....

Edited by darkmoon
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Well, you need to now lie to her and tell her you put every bit of your extra money into an investment. That is what people do. You shouldn't let her know what is going on with you financially. And maybe that is what you should do -- invest any extra money so it doesn't decline in value. Probably the only reason my parents died with some of their money intact so that they didn't give it away to us kids was because it was always tied up in a CD, for which there was a penalty for early withdrawal. Tell this "friend" you've started a retirement account (IRA) and are putting everything you can into it and it won't be coming out until you are 60.

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It does sound petty, considering the woman lent you 150 pounds in one shot and you're griping about 40.

 

 

 

However ...

 

Tell her lending beyond 40 pounds at any given time is not possible for you (if she asks for another 20). Then make 40 pounds your benchmark for her. At least you'll have been upfront and established boundaries with her, and she'll know not to bother you for another 20, if she already owes you 40.

 

 

You'll also need to evaluate whether you would give her a one-time gift of 40 pounds, in the case that she doesn't pay you back.

 

 

If you feel that your friendship with her isn't worth losing the 40 pounds, then you'll need to re-evaluate having her as a friend.

Edited by ja123
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I have a simple rule about lending to people - including lending to friends.

 

Never lend a penny more than you're comfortable parting with forever. Assume that you won't get paid back and then just think about how much you're willing to lose on the friend before it becomes a big deal. And lend to them once and only once unless they're able to prove to you that they're able to pay it back. This way, you can lose money a single time, not be bitter about it, keep the friendship, and know that while you might like the person's other qualities, you can't really count on them to repay a loan. There are actually some generally cool people out there who just suck with money. If they're really cool, they'll admit it and understand if you don't want to be used as their ATM. If they can bring themselves to understand it, well, maybe they're telling you more about their identity than you first realized.

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I have a simple rule about lending to people - including lending to friends.

 

Never lend a penny more than you're comfortable parting with forever. Assume that you won't get paid back and then just think about how much you're willing to lose on the friend before it becomes a big deal. And lend to them once and only once unless they're able to prove to you that they're able to pay it back. This way, you can lose money a single time, not be bitter about it, keep the friendship, and know that while you might like the person's other qualities, you can't really count on them to repay a loan. There are actually some generally cool people out there who just suck with money. If they're really cool, they'll admit it and understand if you don't want to be used as their ATM. If they can bring themselves to understand it, well, maybe they're telling you more about their identity than you first realized.

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Fugu,

 

 

I like what you said. Could you expand on the bolded sentence, though, as I'm not sure exactly what you mean?

 

 

Thnx!

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Hey Fugu,

 

 

I like what you said. Could you expand on the bolded sentence, though, as I'm not sure exactly what you mean?

 

 

Thnx!

 

I meant, if they can't understand it. My bad.

 

What I mean is, if someone's gonna get upset because you don't lend them you're hard earned money, especially if they've proven themselves to be unreliable, then who needs them?

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melodicintention

My life lesson is that loaning money to a "friend" is the same as giving money to a friend...if you want to have good relations that is.

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My life lesson is that loaning money to a "friend" is the same as giving money to a friend...if you want to have good relations that is.

 

Yep, that's pretty much what it comes down to. It's the "If you want to stay friends" clause that's most important here.

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I would surmise that the rule of thumb is , get it in writing ( promissory note) and have a good sense of loaning boundaries. Like most banks formulate, if they are a high risk, deny the request. You cant get blood from a turnip.

Its absolutely possible to NOT lie to your friend when you say you do not have the funds to loan out. Your finances are not their business.

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