purplesoccer34 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) I have a friend from college that I haven't spoken to in almost a year. But when we were in college, he was one of my best and closest friends for two years. He helped me through a lot and vice versa. At the moment, I'm feeling completely friendless lol, and he has a big group of really cool friends, some of whom I met when we were in college. I got along with them quite well at the time, and they're really open and friendly. I want to get to know his friends better and become integrated into their circle of friends, but I've always been bad at that, especially if they're really close friends. I guess the first step is to message my friend and see how he's doing, but how do I do that when I haven't spoken to him in almost a year? I'm a very shy person so this whole thing is a bit awkward for me lol. If he ever does invite me to hang out with his friends, how can I get to know his friends very well and become close friends with them? Would it be weird to tell him that I'd like to hang out with him and his friends? I've had pretty much the same friends since high school, so I never felt the need to make new friends--I realize I need to branch out a little more, and I'm not quite sure how to do that. Edited March 31, 2014 by purplesoccer34 Link to post Share on other sites
greenman77 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I have a friend from college that I haven't spoken to in almost a year. But when we were in college, he was one of my best and closest friends for two years. He helped me through a lot and vice versa. At the moment, I'm feeling completely friendless lol, and he has a big group of really cool friends, some of whom I met when we were in college. I got along with them quite well at the time, and they're really open and friendly. I want to get to know his friends better and become integrated into their circle of friends, but I've always been bad at that, especially if they're really close friends. I guess the first step is to message my friend and see how he's doing, but how do I do that when I haven't spoken to him in almost a year? I'm a very shy person so this whole thing is a bit awkward for me lol. If he ever does invite me to hang out with his friends, how can I get to know his friends very well and become close friends with them? Would it be weird to tell him that I'd like to hang out with him and his friends? I've had pretty much the same friends since high school, so I never felt the need to make new friends--I realize I need to branch out a little more, and I'm not quite sure how to do that. Same here. Basically my entire life I had the same friends (went to school with the same people since I was 5 until I graduated high school at 18) but then I moved to another country to go college and I've been living here now for a few years and haven't really made any friends. I get along well with people in my classes but it hasn't really developed into anything more than just that, talking in class. I'm also a little shy and awkward so I don't really know how to do that. Sorry that my reply isn't really of help to you. I just needed to get it out of my chest I guess... Anyone got any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 May I ask why a year has gone by and you two haven't spoken? Is there a reason for that? If anything, start by hanging out with only him for a while, then as time goes on hopefully you'll get to know his buddies and become friendly with some of them too. It's a bit odd to jump in a friendship with hopes to be buddies with all his friends. Who knows if you'll even like and have a lot in common with his friends. Why not try to find friends of your own? I get that you're shy and may not feel comfortable meeting tons of people on your own, but as you get older it's actually easier to connect with people who are more like yourself (common interests, humour, out looks on life etc). Link to post Share on other sites
Author purplesoccer34 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 May I ask why a year has gone by and you two haven't spoken? Is there a reason for that? If anything, start by hanging out with only him for a while, then as time goes on hopefully you'll get to know his buddies and become friendly with some of them too. It's a bit odd to jump in a friendship with hopes to be buddies with all his friends. Who knows if you'll even like and have a lot in common with his friends. Why not try to find friends of your own? I get that you're shy and may not feel comfortable meeting tons of people on your own, but as you get older it's actually easier to connect with people who are more like yourself (common interests, humour, out looks on life etc). Oh we just stopped talking for some reason. Just drifted apart I guess, lol. I'm not really sure how I would make friends that aren't friends of friends. The only other place I meet people is at work, but they're all much older than me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Yeah, but do not tell them outright you're trying to make friends. It's too desperate. Not meaning that in a nasty way, but people just tend to cringe at that much directness! The internet makes it perfectly appropriate to recontact someone and check on them after time has gone by because it's so easy. Maybe send a tweet or friend him on Facebook, and I recommend you drop a one-line note that says nothing about your situation and just says "Hey, long time. How's it going?" Link to post Share on other sites
white_bass87 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Time goes by for a lot of my old friends. I feel like for the most part I am the one reaching out if we haven't talked in a long time. Sometimes I feel like the better friend...but anyway, if you're in that boat message your friend and ask them how they have been and talk to them to get back in touch. They are generally happy to hear what's going on even if they don't initiate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purplesoccer34 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 Yeah, but do not tell them outright you're trying to make friends. It's too desperate. Not meaning that in a nasty way, but people just tend to cringe at that much directness! The internet makes it perfectly appropriate to recontact someone and check on them after time has gone by because it's so easy. Maybe send a tweet or friend him on Facebook, and I recommend you drop a one-line note that says nothing about your situation and just says "Hey, long time. How's it going?" Yeah that's what I meant to say, haha. I would never tell anyone that I'm trying to make friends lol. Thank you all for the responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Noise Electric Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Oh honey...a year is not a long time. Just contact him, say hi, and it will be like no time has passed at all. I promise. I have reconnected with friends that I had been out of touch with for decades and we always seem to pick up right where we left off. Just tell this guy that you'd like to hang out and ask him to invite his other friends along if he wishes. Do this enough times and eventually he & his friends will start including you in their activities. See? Nothin' to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author purplesoccer34 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 Oh honey...a year is not a long time. Just contact him, say hi, and it will be like no time has passed at all. I promise. I have reconnected with friends that I had been out of touch with for decades and we always seem to pick up right where we left off. Just tell this guy that you'd like to hang out and ask him to invite his other friends along if he wishes. Do this enough times and eventually he & his friends will start including you in their activities. See? Nothin' to it. Haha, you just made it sound so easy. Thanks, I'll do just that Link to post Share on other sites
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