Lady2163 Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 A friend of mine, who I only see 1 a month and maybe talk to two other times in a month, drove her long distance boyfriend away back in January. She was trying to control him and has trust issues, but she pushed him away. He actually wanted to end things back in October, but held off until after the holidays. Since he broke up with her, he has not talked to her or answered her texts. This last weekend he unfriended her on Facebook. He and I are still talking, maybe at most once a week. Last time we talked I was up to my elbows in work and we only talked about inane stuff for less than five minutes. Ten days later my friend calls and asks if we have talked. I was honest. She flipped out and wanted to know why I hadn't called her immediately after talking to him. She essentially lied to everyone when they broke up. I caught her in a lie AND he also told me. She didn't want people to know that he ended things because she wanted to check his phone, his email, his Facebook and she expected to know who he talked to everyday. I don't think he was doing anything wrong, as I said before she has trust issues. So, I've reached that point where I have to decide whether to lie to her and not tell her we've talked. Ask him politely not to call for a couple of months (he would do that, just I hate to do that to him, his dad just passed away and I want to be a resource if he ever just needs to talk), or I can continue to be honest. The ex boyfriend thinks I should just say, "none of your business.". Which it isn't. I actually talk to him more than her. I like him better than her. He and I will NEVER have a relationship. Honestly, we may never see each other again. I never get to his location. But, I live in the same small town as she does. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I wouldn't lie to her. I wouldn't deal with her craziness either. Sometimes you have to set boundaries with people. I wouldn't let one person's personal issues determine my friendships with another person or turn me into a liar. Be kind, but firmly set those boundaries with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 I wouldn't lie to her. I wouldn't deal with her craziness either. Sometimes you have to set boundaries with people. I wouldn't let one person's personal issues determine my friendships with another person or turn me into a liar. Be kind, but firmly set those boundaries with her. Thank you. I did have another friend tell me I need to remind her I'm not looking to hook up with him, BUT she really needs to stop asking me if I've talked to him. Boundaries. Good word. Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 I think it's clear you want more than friendship from this guy so end your friendship with her and go for it. But don't blame her because she can see through you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted March 18, 2014 Author Share Posted March 18, 2014 I think it's clear you want more than friendship from this guy so end your friendship with her and go for it. But don't blame her because she can see through you. Actually, no I do not want a romantic relationship with him and he knows that. I am not the least but interested in his physique, job limitations or the fact he lives 500 miles away. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 I would ask him to hold off contacting you for a decent interlude. No one wants to have to worry about to what extent their good friends are involved with a recent ex!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lady2163 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Updating this. I have not heard from friend in over four weeks. She even had some life changing good news and chose not to tell me. (The joys of a small town, you learn these things). I've talked to her ex...twice? And maybe texted a dozen times when we missed each other on the phone. I'm going to let her go as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Did you meet him through her? Link to post Share on other sites
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