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hotpotato

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If you have some prejudice that keeps you from being friends with half of the population, that seems like a problem. That's my answer to your question. You don't need to look for the outer virtues as much as looking at the inner "vice" that closes you off to so many people.

 

For this, you will have to work on yourself and your own judgments and stereotypes about females, and your competitiveness, and whatever else keeps you from seeing an entire gender as individuals.

 

You would especially want to do this if you are going to have children, because you may have a daughter.

 

I have always had female friends. But when I meet a female who says she doesn't like other females, can't get along with them, doesn't want to be friends with them, or something along those lines, I know there will be problems. Inevitably, she's going to create and over-react to some situation that confirms her bias that it's impossible to be friends with other females. I do believe that, with the way you feel, you will do and say things to put off the females who could be good friends with you.

Edited by lollipopspot
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It's not competitiveness since I don't date much. But yes, your best friend having sex with your bf or husband is a downside.

 

I don'thave anything against women, II'm just different. I don't have a bunch of men orbiting me either, so I'mnot one of those girls.

 

The desire for female friends just isn't there.

 

I genuinely want to know the benefits.

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I dont have many female friends, but im building new friendships now.

 

over the years ive lost many female friends to jealousy. 3 of them cut me loose because they thought their boyfriends had interest in me.'(idiots)

 

then came the time that i was all about male friends, since id lost 2 life long best friends and 1 longtime best friend to jealousy, i had decided no more female friends.

 

But then with male friends, they started to fall in love with me sooner or later. I cut them loose myself and am now keeping males on a safe distance unless theyre gay or unless I can genuinely see that they see me as a friend/sister and not a potential (bed)mate.

 

Im now slowly growing into friendships with females again, and I enjoy the hell out of it, its the same sex so they understand you, you can do fun stuff and talk endlessly about female topics...

 

BUT the clue is this...pick the ones that are right for you. Never let it pick you. In the past, with my lost best friends, it just so happened that we rolled into friendship. Now Im very picky and I check a persons traits first.

It works...try it.

 

Ps. Im also not a person with tons of friends, which made me even more picky. I like to have few people around me, but I want those few to be good friends with goodwill.

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I genuinely want to know the benefits.

 

It's such an odd question to me. The benefits are having friends. What's the essential difference for you between males and females that would make you want to cut off or question the benefit of being friends with half of the population?

 

It might help if you can answer this: What is the benefit of being friends with males?

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My best friend..( female) she just gets me? There are times when I am so frustrated trying to explain something to a man I can tell her in the same way and she understands what I mean.

 

A woman can bring something totally different to the table.. A good woman friend would never betray you by sleeping with your man. Honestly? For my best friend I'd do anything for her and try to back it up with action. And I know she'd do the same .. ( and has totally backed up those words with concrete action)

 

I guess for me ... It's a feeling of sameness .. We bond over our femaleness (kind of corny I know)

 

 

This is just my plug FOR female friends and has nothing to do with the way I feel about men or having male friendships. Those, for me just tend to be more on the casual side.

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It's such an odd question to me. The benefits are having friends. What's the essential difference for you between males and females that would make you want to cut off or question the benefit of being friends with half of the population?

 

It might help if you can answer this: What is the benefit of being friends with males?

 

I have one male acquaintance . My other male friend is my ex.

 

Imo if a female just wants friendship there are few to no benefits of having straight male friends. If a female views male friends as potential mates, that's where the benefits come in.

 

Both of my male acquaintances live far away so they can't ask for sex.

 

Nothing against women, I just don't feel the need to have girlfriends, or even a bunch of guy 'friends.'

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I just can't associate with women for a serious and deep friendship. I can talk about not important stuff sometimes with my female cousins and their female friends, but other that I can't and don't want to open my soul to a woman. The only person I know that won't betray me or my trust is my mother, who is my best friend. I don't like female attributes like guile, lying and malice. I'm not saying every woman is like this, but I can't risk it.

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My best friend..( female) she just gets me? There are times when I am so frustrated trying to explain something to a man I can tell her in the same way and she understands what I mean.

 

A woman can bring something totally different to the table.. A good woman friend would never betray you by sleeping with your man. Honestly? For my best friend I'd do anything for her and try to back it up with action. And I know she'd do the same .. ( and has totally backed up those words with concrete action)

 

I guess for me ... It's a feeling of sameness .. We bond over our femaleness (kind of corny I know)

 

 

This is just my plug FOR female friends and has nothing to do with the way I feel about men or having male friendships. Those, for me just tend to be more on the casual side.

 

Good is the operative word.

 

I wouldn't even call most of the female friendships true friendships.

 

IMO most women are allies. There's a big difference between being a friend and being an ally...

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I guess I want someone to show me I'm not dodging a bullet by not having female friends...

 

Btw. sleeping with the boyfriend/husband is only one thing I've observed. I've also seen:

 

*gossiping about each other, literally as the other one is walking away

*one being nice to the other because the other has Xanax, lortab, percocet, etc

*blackmail

*threatening legal action against the other

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I have about 3 very good female friends. We are all very brutally honest and that is something you don't find with most women. We don't do all that gossip and backstabbing BS if we have an issue it's brought up, talked about and gotten over. I've always found it easier/better to have make friends and I still do but I am happy to the female friends who get me. It is very hard to find

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It really surprises and saddens me that so many other women are dismissing a whole gender based on a few bad experiences. That woman who slept with her best friends boyfriend? That could just as easily happened with men. It comes down to loyalty and that is not gender specific. How many times have we read on here that some guy is crushed because his "bro" slept with his wife/gf/so?

 

In certain key ways men and women are alike .. Either can be loyal, caring, trustworthy friends. What I was trying obviously unsuccessfully to convey is the differences and to point out why the right women friends enrich your life.

 

You just have to choose the ones that have the right qualities ..if we are choosy about our mates we should be no less choosy in our friendships.

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One advantage is the opportunity to BE a true friend, which is a blessing in itself. Giving and getting support, sharing laughs, sharing tears.....sharing the most meaningful moments of our lives with others.

 

The idea is to BE a true friend, and bond with people of similar character. And the benefits are nothing short of a more meaningful and joyful life.

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It really surprises and saddens me that so many other women are dismissing a whole gender based on a few bad experiences. That woman who slept with her best friends boyfriend? That could just as easily happened with men. It comes down to loyalty and that is not gender specific. How many times have we read on here that some guy is crushed because his "bro" slept with his wife/gf/so?

 

In certain key ways men and women are alike .. Either can be loyal, caring, trustworthy friends. What I was trying obviously unsuccessfully to convey is the differences and to point out why the right women friends enrich your life.

 

You just have to choose the ones that have the right qualities ..if we are choosy about our mates we should be no less choosy in our friendships.

 

And I'm very choosy about who I date, which is why I dont date much at all.

 

It's not just a few instances of female frenemies acting up, it's the norm.

 

Even people in this thread have admitted that a good friend is hard to find.

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I have not found that a good friend is hard to find. I've always been drawn to them naturally, and they to me. Similarly, I've been drawn to good men, and they to me.

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I have a handful of good female friends. I would hate to not have them in my life!

 

Not all women are jealous of their friends and are out to sleep with their BFs. Me and my friends steer clear even of casual hook ups if there is even a slight hint of interest from the friend who "saw" him first!

 

And sure, we have fights and disagreements, but we resolve them like the adults we are!

 

What is not to like in having female friends???

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Sell me on the virtues of female friends. I have none at the moment.

Female friends, IME, are generally superior in two areas:

 

One, proactively seeking to inquire and care about how I feel

 

Two, demonstrating that they actually do think about me as a person when not in my presence.

 

These two areas are far less noticeable/prevalent with male friends. I also note these same female friends act in similar ways with each other.

 

When I was married, I would often interact with groups of my exW's female friends and they were almost like a 'hive'. Very connected and involved in each others lives. I didn't particularly like them being all up in our marital business but such matters are dependent upon personal boundaries. My exW certainly received more obvious support from her female friends during our D than I did from my male friends. Most of my 'support' consisted of 'hanging out'. No indictment of the males; that's just how men are.

 

Hope that helps!

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I have not found that a good friend is hard to find. I've always been drawn to them naturally, and they to me. Similarly, I've been drawn to good men, and they to me.

 

Lucky you :)

Edited by hotpotato
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I have a handful of good female friends. I would hate to not have them in my life!

 

Not all women are jealous of their friends and are out to sleep with their BFs. Me and my friends steer clear even of casual hook ups if there is even a slight hint of interest from the friend who "saw" him first!

 

And sure, we have fights and disagreements, but we resolve them like the adults we are!

 

What is not to like in having female friends???

 

I usually don't date, so I'm not scared of someone having sex with a bf I don't have. I just listed what I've seen in so called female friendships.

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I believe that as we age, making/having girlfriends becomes less important, but easier to do, as we care less about what others think of us and just go for acceptance.

 

Just having someone in your corner all the time, to share fun, vent on bad days, to have someone show you another perspective on things, to keep you from being so jaded about life, to have something to look forward to when you make plans, take vacations with... to have someone to talk about men with. A shoulder to cry on when needed, (emotional support), someone to share secrets with and generally share lifes' adventures... over fro yo!

 

None of this is necessary of course if you consider yourself a loner... you don't seem much interested in having 'friends' period. (?) :o

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I usually don't date, so I'm not scared of someone having sex with a bf I don't have. I just listed what I've seen in so called female friendships.

 

I'm sorry, but... do you have any friends at all?

You find male friends pointless, since they always fall in love with you... so I assume you have none

You also fin female friends pointless, cause they bitch... So again I assume you have none.

How do you cope??

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I have one male acquaintance . My other male friend is my ex.

 

Imo if a female just wants friendship there are few to no benefits of having straight male friends. If a female views male friends as potential mates, that's where the benefits come in.

 

Both of my male acquaintances live far away so they can't ask for sex.

 

Nothing against women, I just don't feel the need to have girlfriends, or even a bunch of guy 'friends.'

 

So then don't....

 

Why try to be "sold" on it, since you chances are you can't be? :confused:

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I have not found that a good friend is hard to find. I've always been drawn to them naturally, and they to me. Similarly, I've been drawn to good men, and they to me.

 

This has been my experience as well...with men in dating not so much lol, but with female friends, I have always had VERY good friends and acquaintances and have always managed to maintain a circle of really good women around me. I didn't have to try hard either, I just naturally gravitated towards good people and they me and my mom always comments that I keep friends for a long time, as at every stage in my life I usually meet one or two people, who once we become friends, I'm friends with them ever after.

 

I have never experienced the drama and whatever else some women claim comes with "female friends" and 100% of the time when I meet women who think this way it's THEM and not other women.

 

Catty, drama-filled women who are sleeping with people's spouses/bfs have absolutely nothing to do with women as a group but are particular bad traits of certain women...likewise if your friend slept with your man, suffice it to say, your man picker is off too as he obliged her OR we're even assuming she seduced him when in reality it could be the other way around as well. In any case, it is illogical to believe that all women are a particular way, and if you're a woman yourself I hope you count yourself in the lot. If all the women you know are terrible people, it's very unfortunate and also calls for an analysis of self as to how come this is the case in your life.

 

Hotpotato, gently, it would seem as though the friends issue is for you to remedy and not anyone else to sell you on. It is strange that you neither have male or female friends. Your fears/observations about friendships are not typical. Lots of people in the world, myself included, manage to go through school, work, life etc and form healthy friendships without it turning into any of what you've described. Your viewpoint on friends is very atypical and not very true to life from what I see with most people, so that is your own issue to figure out and resolve, if you care to change it.

Edited by MissBee
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I'm sorry, but... do you have any friends at all?

You find male friends pointless, since they always fall in love with you... so I assume you have none

You also fin female friends pointless, cause they bitch... So again I assume you have none.

How do you cope??

How do I cope with what?

 

I have a male bff and a male acquaintance.

 

 

So then don't....

 

Why try to be "sold" on it, since you chances are you can't be? :confused:

 

I maybe could be sold on it.

 

This has been my experience as well...with men in dating not so much lol, but with female friends, I have always had VERY good friends and acquaintances and have always managed to maintain a circle of really good women around me. I didn't have to try hard either, I just naturally gravitated towards good people and they me and my mom always comments that I keep friends for a long time, as at every stage in my life I usually meet one or two people, who once we become friends, I'm friends with them ever after.

 

I have never experienced the drama and whatever else some women claim comes with "female friends" and 100% of the time when I meet women who think this way it's THEM and not other women.

 

Catty, drama-filled women who are sleeping with people's spouses/bfs have absolutely nothing to do with women as a group but are particular bad traits of certain women...likewise if your friend slept with your man, suffice it to say, your man picker is off too as he obliged her OR we're even assuming she seduced him when in reality it could be the other way around as well. In any case, it is illogical to believe that all women are a particular way, and if you're a woman yourself I hope you count yourself in the lot. If all the women you know are terrible people, it's very unfortunate and also calls for an analysis of self as to how come this is the case in your life.

 

Hotpotato, gently, it would seem as though the friends issue is for you to remedy and not anyone else to sell you on. It is strange that you neither have male or female friends. Your fears/observations about friendships are not typical. Lots of people in the world, myself included, manage to go through school, work, life etc and form healthy friendships without it turning into any of what you've described. Your viewpoint on friends is very atypical and not very true to life from what I see with most people, so that is your own issue to figure out and resolve, if you care to change it.

 

I have personally never had a friend try to sleep with my bf, as I have no female friends and usually dont have a bf. This is something I noticed in other women.

 

Sleeping with the bf/husband is just one of the issues i brought up regarding female friendships.

 

I think I would be open to having a female alliance if it is of some benefit to me.

 

The women i see are a random sample from a former workplace, not women I choose.

 

I dont need male friends because I dont need the sexual attention. If I want sex, I'll just go to get. I dont need a phoney, horny male friend. Everytime I have tried to be friends with a guy who doesn't live in my state it has ended with him sexually harassing me.

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If you have some prejudice that keeps you from being friends with half of the population, that seems like a problem. That's my answer to your question. You don't need to look for the outer virtues as much as looking at the inner "vice" that closes you off to so many people.

 

For this, you will have to work on yourself and your own judgments and stereotypes about females, and your competitiveness, and whatever else keeps you from seeing an entire gender as individuals.

 

You would especially want to do this if you are going to have children, because you may have a daughter.

 

I have always had female friends. But when I meet a female who says she doesn't like other females, can't get along with them, doesn't want to be friends with them, or something along those lines, I know there will be problems. Inevitably, she's going to create and over-react to some situation that confirms her bias that it's impossible to be friends with other females. I do believe that, with the way you feel, you will do and say things to put off the females who could be good friends with you.

 

I agree with this^^ as I have several female friends and I'm talking about strictly platonic, nothing more or less. Having women as friends can really give insight into the dating world I've come to realize.

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