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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 13th February 2014, 6:18 PM   #1
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female friends

Sell me on the virtues of female friends. I have none at the moment.
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Old 13th February 2014, 6:44 PM   #2
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If you have some prejudice that keeps you from being friends with half of the population, that seems like a problem. That's my answer to your question. You don't need to look for the outer virtues as much as looking at the inner "vice" that closes you off to so many people.

For this, you will have to work on yourself and your own judgments and stereotypes about females, and your competitiveness, and whatever else keeps you from seeing an entire gender as individuals.

You would especially want to do this if you are going to have children, because you may have a daughter.

I have always had female friends. But when I meet a female who says she doesn't like other females, can't get along with them, doesn't want to be friends with them, or something along those lines, I know there will be problems. Inevitably, she's going to create and over-react to some situation that confirms her bias that it's impossible to be friends with other females. I do believe that, with the way you feel, you will do and say things to put off the females who could be good friends with you.

Last edited by lollipopspot; 13th February 2014 at 6:48 PM..
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Old 13th February 2014, 7:44 PM   #3
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It's not competitiveness since I don't date much. But yes, your best friend having sex with your bf or husband is a downside.

I don'thave anything against women, II'm just different. I don't have a bunch of men orbiting me either, so I'mnot one of those girls.

The desire for female friends just isn't there.

I genuinely want to know the benefits.
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Old 13th February 2014, 8:17 PM   #4
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I dont have many female friends, but im building new friendships now.

over the years ive lost many female friends to jealousy. 3 of them cut me loose because they thought their boyfriends had interest in me.'(idiots)

then came the time that i was all about male friends, since id lost 2 life long best friends and 1 longtime best friend to jealousy, i had decided no more female friends.

But then with male friends, they started to fall in love with me sooner or later. I cut them loose myself and am now keeping males on a safe distance unless theyre gay or unless I can genuinely see that they see me as a friend/sister and not a potential (bed)mate.

Im now slowly growing into friendships with females again, and I enjoy the hell out of it, its the same sex so they understand you, you can do fun stuff and talk endlessly about female topics...

BUT the clue is this...pick the ones that are right for you. Never let it pick you. In the past, with my lost best friends, it just so happened that we rolled into friendship. Now Im very picky and I check a persons traits first.
It works...try it.

Ps. Im also not a person with tons of friends, which made me even more picky. I like to have few people around me, but I want those few to be good friends with goodwill.
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Old 13th February 2014, 8:24 PM   #5
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I genuinely want to know the benefits.
It's such an odd question to me. The benefits are having friends. What's the essential difference for you between males and females that would make you want to cut off or question the benefit of being friends with half of the population?

It might help if you can answer this: What is the benefit of being friends with males?
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Old 13th February 2014, 8:47 PM   #6
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My best friend..( female) she just gets me? There are times when I am so frustrated trying to explain something to a man I can tell her in the same way and she understands what I mean.

A woman can bring something totally different to the table.. A good woman friend would never betray you by sleeping with your man. Honestly? For my best friend I'd do anything for her and try to back it up with action. And I know she'd do the same .. ( and has totally backed up those words with concrete action)

I guess for me ... It's a feeling of sameness .. We bond over our femaleness (kind of corny I know)


This is just my plug FOR female friends and has nothing to do with the way I feel about men or having male friendships. Those, for me just tend to be more on the casual side.
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Old 14th February 2014, 6:25 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by lollipopspot View Post
It's such an odd question to me. The benefits are having friends. What's the essential difference for you between males and females that would make you want to cut off or question the benefit of being friends with half of the population?

It might help if you can answer this: What is the benefit of being friends with males?
I have one male acquaintance . My other male friend is my ex.

Imo if a female just wants friendship there are few to no benefits of having straight male friends. If a female views male friends as potential mates, that's where the benefits come in.

Both of my male acquaintances live far away so they can't ask for sex.

Nothing against women, I just don't feel the need to have girlfriends, or even a bunch of guy 'friends.'
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Old 14th February 2014, 7:47 AM   #8
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I just can't associate with women for a serious and deep friendship. I can talk about not important stuff sometimes with my female cousins and their female friends, but other that I can't and don't want to open my soul to a woman. The only person I know that won't betray me or my trust is my mother, who is my best friend. I don't like female attributes like guile, lying and malice. I'm not saying every woman is like this, but I can't risk it.
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Old 14th February 2014, 8:14 AM   #9
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My best friend..( female) she just gets me? There are times when I am so frustrated trying to explain something to a man I can tell her in the same way and she understands what I mean.

A woman can bring something totally different to the table.. A good woman friend would never betray you by sleeping with your man. Honestly? For my best friend I'd do anything for her and try to back it up with action. And I know she'd do the same .. ( and has totally backed up those words with concrete action)

I guess for me ... It's a feeling of sameness .. We bond over our femaleness (kind of corny I know)


This is just my plug FOR female friends and has nothing to do with the way I feel about men or having male friendships. Those, for me just tend to be more on the casual side.
Good is the operative word.

I wouldn't even call most of the female friendships true friendships.

IMO most women are allies. There's a big difference between being a friend and being an ally...
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Old 15th February 2014, 9:01 AM   #10
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I guess I want someone to show me I'm not dodging a bullet by not having female friends...

Btw. sleeping with the boyfriend/husband is only one thing I've observed. I've also seen:

*gossiping about each other, literally as the other one is walking away
*one being nice to the other because the other has Xanax, lortab, percocet, etc
*blackmail
*threatening legal action against the other
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Old 15th February 2014, 11:27 AM   #11
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I have about 3 very good female friends. We are all very brutally honest and that is something you don't find with most women. We don't do all that gossip and backstabbing BS if we have an issue it's brought up, talked about and gotten over. I've always found it easier/better to have make friends and I still do but I am happy to the female friends who get me. It is very hard to find
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Old 15th February 2014, 12:10 PM   #12
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It really surprises and saddens me that so many other women are dismissing a whole gender based on a few bad experiences. That woman who slept with her best friends boyfriend? That could just as easily happened with men. It comes down to loyalty and that is not gender specific. How many times have we read on here that some guy is crushed because his "bro" slept with his wife/gf/so?

In certain key ways men and women are alike .. Either can be loyal, caring, trustworthy friends. What I was trying obviously unsuccessfully to convey is the differences and to point out why the right women friends enrich your life.

You just have to choose the ones that have the right qualities ..if we are choosy about our mates we should be no less choosy in our friendships.
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Old 15th February 2014, 12:20 PM   #13
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One advantage is the opportunity to BE a true friend, which is a blessing in itself. Giving and getting support, sharing laughs, sharing tears.....sharing the most meaningful moments of our lives with others.

The idea is to BE a true friend, and bond with people of similar character. And the benefits are nothing short of a more meaningful and joyful life.
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Old 15th February 2014, 12:21 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by CaliGypsy View Post
It really surprises and saddens me that so many other women are dismissing a whole gender based on a few bad experiences. That woman who slept with her best friends boyfriend? That could just as easily happened with men. It comes down to loyalty and that is not gender specific. How many times have we read on here that some guy is crushed because his "bro" slept with his wife/gf/so?

In certain key ways men and women are alike .. Either can be loyal, caring, trustworthy friends. What I was trying obviously unsuccessfully to convey is the differences and to point out why the right women friends enrich your life.

You just have to choose the ones that have the right qualities ..if we are choosy about our mates we should be no less choosy in our friendships.
And I'm very choosy about who I date, which is why I dont date much at all.

It's not just a few instances of female frenemies acting up, it's the norm.

Even people in this thread have admitted that a good friend is hard to find.
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Old 15th February 2014, 12:24 PM   #15
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I have not found that a good friend is hard to find. I've always been drawn to them naturally, and they to me. Similarly, I've been drawn to good men, and they to me.
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