Friend's wedding overkill!

[misternoname]

A good friend of mine is getting married next month. It's a second for both her and the groom. They had a whirlwind courtship that gave my wife and I concern (he's odd). She was desperately in husband hunting mode and he happened to be the first to take the bait. Oh well...not my business.

 

 

Here's my problem...she's treating this like a first marriage. Full blown wedding with showers for her and them as a couple. Isn't it a bit silly the second time around as mature adults to go fishing for additional gifts? I mean they're in their forties! How many small appliances, dishes, etc. could they possibly need at this point in life? I just think it's presumptuous and tacky.

 

 

Am I being petty?

[ASG]

Yes you are. It's none of your business what they what to do. Chill out

[whichwayisup]

A good friend of mine is getting married next month. It's a second for both her and the groom. They had a whirlwind courtship that gave my wife and I concern (he's odd). She was desperately in husband hunting mode and he happened to be the first to take the bait. Oh well...not my business.

 

 

Here's my problem...she's treating this like a first marriage. Full blown wedding with showers for her and them as a couple. Isn't it a bit silly the second time around as mature adults to go fishing for additional gifts? I mean they're in their forties! How many small appliances, dishes, etc. could they possibly need at this point in life? I just think it's presumptuous and tacky.

 

Am I being petty?

 

I have a friend who has been married twice, her second wedding - Same thing, full on registry for gifts, showers, etc... Pissed me off seeing as how much money I spent for her first wedding gift. But, she is a friend of mine so I just sucked it up and did the right thing...bought another gift for her!

 

Bolded. Totally agree.

[d0nnivain]

While I agree with you, more & more this is how people behave. If you are offended, don't go.

[CC12]

Am I being petty?

 

That depends. Are you displaying this opinion at all? Are you gossiping about it? Threatening to boycott the wedding? Planning on buying them a really cheap gift to spite them? If so, then yeah, you're being petty. You're entitled to your opinion, though, as long as you're not being rude about it.

 

I agree that it's tacky to have showers for grown adults who presumably already have their own basic necessities. So there's going to be two showers and a wedding. That's two events that are completely based around gift-giving, plus there's the customary wedding gifts. It seems really greedy.

[preraph]

It is her business because she's supposed to go buy a gift, etc. I think it's greedy and that second weddings shouldn't require giving the bride and groom an entire trousseau since at their age, they've presumably got something to eat with and cook with. I'd be very stingy this go round and not pick something off the registry at all. There's nothing says you have to. I avoid showers as much as possible and just bring a gift to the wedding or mail it to them ahead or over a private lunch. Not everyone has time for this crap.

 

Before scaling it down, though, at least examine what she/he has done for you. Have you had baby showers and she's always been there for it? Has she gifted one of your grown children? If so, you need to jump in there and reciprocate the gift grabbing.

[misternoname]

Oh I'm going (my wife saw to that) and we're getting them a nice gift (again wife's doing). I'll bite my tongue. Maybe my venting will inspire others to give these BS second weddings a second thought. AND BY THE WAY...another friend of ours recently got hitched for the 4th time...full blown wedding. Even my wife was offended enough to bail out of that farce.

[ASG]

Oh I'm going (my wife saw to that) and we're getting them a nice gift (again wife's doing). I'll bite my tongue. Maybe my venting will inspire others to give these BS second weddings a second thought. AND BY THE WAY...another friend of ours recently got hitched for the 4th time...full blown wedding. Even my wife was offended enough to bail out of that farce.

 

I'm sorry... I really don't understand it.

Why shouldn't a person celebrate their second wedding??? It might be the first wedding for their soon to be spouse. Should they not get the wedding, because you think people should only get one wedding??

 

 

People also have several baby showers for their kids. Should they only celebrate the first kid then?

 

It's THEIR wedding. And THEIR money as well! As far as I know, you're not paying for it, are you??

 

And as for presents, they don't have to be THAT expensive.

[misternoname]

Second and third wedding (and jeez even fourth) weddings are NOT the same as having kids. My second wedding was very,very small...no gifts accepted. Maybe I'm old fashioned but IMHO you get one biggee in this life. If you get remarried in the future you shouldn't repeat the white wedding.

 

 

Just a difference of opinion I suppose.

[ASG]

Second and third wedding (and jeez even fourth) weddings are NOT the same as having kids. My second wedding was very,very small...no gifts accepted. Maybe I'm old fashioned but IMHO you get one biggee in this life. If you get remarried in the future you shouldn't repeat the white wedding.

 

 

Just a difference of opinion I suppose.

 

 

Exactly. Your friend wants to have a big wedding and celebrate her SECOND union as much as the first one. It's her prerogative, since it's her wedding.

[preraph]

I don't think people should keep having baby showers. They have what they need from the first one.

[ASG]

I don't think people should keep having baby showers. They have what they need from the first one.

 

The thing is... The showers, just like the weddings, are not about the gifts. They're about celebrating the birth of a child or a union.

 

Like I said before, you don't need to spend hundreds on a wedding gift. Even if it is a first wedding (or first baby shower!).

 

Being thoughtful is as important. Last wedding I went to, I got the bride and groom a nice bottle of vodka and an item from their registry. I didn't have a lot of money to spend, so I didn't. They loved it, specially the bottle of vodka, since it was something personal.

 

What is wrong with that? In that frame of mind we shouldn't have birthday parties! It's a bit greedy to get presents every year! Same with Christmas!

[veggirl]

Classless and greedy.

 

They should be specifying NO GIFTS, PLEASE.

 

If they aren't, just RSVP no and send a card.

 

When will people understand that most people really just DON'T give that much of a s.hit about your wedding? Good lord.

[CC12]

The thing is... The showers, just like the weddings, are not about the gifts.

 

Er. Showers kind of are about the gifts. You "shower" the guest(s) of honor with gifts. That's where the name comes from. If it's not about gifts, then it's just called a party.

 

They're about celebrating the birth of a child or a union.

You can celebrate the birth of a child in lots of ways - it doesn't necessarily have to involve gifts. "Meet the Baby" parties are common. And the actual wedding IS the celebration of a union. It's customary to give wedding gifts then.

 

So what is the purpose of having multiple showers before a wedding, other than hitting up your friends and family for more gifts? If a couple wants to have any pre-wedding celebrations, why can't they just be regular parties that don't involve gifts? Anyone who understands what a shower is for is going to have ugly feelings about being hit up for gifts several times, especially from a couple who should already own the items that are customarily given for a wedding/shower. That's why people think it's greedy or tacky.

[SerCay]

I think all these things are done for money and I think it's cheap.

 

If I will ever have a wedding I will not register for gifts or any of that BS (sorry I think it's BS to have another person pay for YOUR needings).

 

I will have a great big party where everybody can come and have fun and remember the wonderfull day filled with food and drinks and laughter.

 

I see this around me a lot, people make lists for babyshowers, weddings, birthdays, and they make their guests feel obliged to buy something from that list. I can absolutely understand why this pisses people off.

 

On purpose I skipped a couple babyshowers of friends, because I think it's ridiculous I have to buy from a list.

 

Maybe I have no money, maybe I want to be there for the moral support and the fun? That's how you can quickly notice people are doing aaaalll these sherades for the do'....

[CrystalCastles]

I think all these things are done for money and I think it's cheap.

 

If I will ever have a wedding I will not register for gifts or any of that BS (sorry I think it's BS to have another person pay for YOUR needings).

 

I will have a great big party where everybody can come and have fun and remember the wonderfull day filled with food and drinks and laughter.

 

I see this around me a lot, people make lists for babyshowers, weddings, birthdays, and they make their guests feel obliged to buy something from that list. I can absolutely understand why this pisses people off.

 

On purpose I skipped a couple babyshowers of friends, because I think it's ridiculous I have to buy from a list.

 

Maybe I have no money, maybe I want to be there for the moral support and the fun? That's how you can quickly notice people are doing aaaalll these sherades for the do'....

 

I second this. I think it's selfish to ask people to buy stuff for you. I think it should be enough that people come and celebrate a special day with you. Having your loved ones there to share your happiness should be more special than material things.