Hurt a friend, not sure what now.

[anon]

Hello,

 

I hurt this really good friend of mine who I quite fancied, and I thought it was mutual. We havent really spoken since. At first she wouldnt even reply me. But now she will reply to mails or txts. So we chatted once or week just to keep it touch. I asked her how she felt about what happened or about if we could be friends again, but she was very open ended saying see how it goes.

 

I didnt want that. I wanted to know where I stood, and how this was going to turn out. I mean she was a really good friend and I feel really bad about what happened. Anyway I couldnt hack the not knowing, so didnt speak to her for a few weeks to try and forgot about things. Then a few days ago I felt like speaking to her again because I had sorted a few things out in my mind. So i txted her but she didnt reply. So I mail her today and she does, but just says work it too busy to reply.

 

Anyway, my post is really just for some advice about what I should be doing. I never know what to think and I have really no idea how she feels. Ive been thinking I should call her because at least I could her tone of voice which would give me indication of how she feels. But then I dont want to be annoying her by calling her. I mean the fact she didnt reply a few days ago - is it because she couldnt be bothered with me? is it because I hadnt spoken to her for a few weeks and she was in a mood?

 

This really is getting on my nerves now, like a real drain. And I want it all sorted out. Perhaps I should just not care about what she thinks, and just forgot about it. I try but its hard because I guess I sort of loved her!! :-(

[StartingAgain]

Have you apologized and let her know how sorry you are that you hurt her without trying to justify yourself? Just let her know that you still care for her and that you honor your friendship. Then give her some time. That's rreally all you can do. She has already indicated that she's open to remaining your friend, but may need to get over her hurt a bit first.

[catlover]

I'd say give your friend time and see how it goes. It could be that she just might need time to get over the tremendous emotional pain you have caused her. I don't know what you did to cause her such hurt but if she was a true friend, she is not going anywhere. All you have to do is some serious effort on your part to salvage the friendship, and let her sit back while you work. Send a boquet of flowers, and a sweet little card, and tell her that you will never hurt in in the manner that you did; and if you ever do, you give her permission to to drown you in your own sorrows. That's the way I see it. If you are willing to continue the frienship, don't let her go because if you do and stop thinking about what she thinks and if she cares she is going to walk out of your life for good. Do you really want that? Who is going to treat you better than she did, hum? Get to work, kid! Maybe a few ground rules needs to be set on her part. uhm....think about it! I don't know where are you at in this situation considering this was a post from almost two weeks ago. Good luck and keep me posted! I hope things work out!

[Anon]

hi again.

 

well, everything's much cooler now.

guess we're sort of friends again!

just been got in from shopping with her - there's a wedding on sat which we're both going to, so she offered to help me choose a tie!

 

anyway, as i said before, i didnt just like her as a friend!

but coz she wasnt speaking to me, and i thought she might never speak to me again, i got over that.

but shopping today she did look nice - first time Id seen her in months - and I guess I do still fancy her a bit!

 

now Im thinking what to do. I guess deep down I know what that is - and thats ask her out, kinda thing. Trouble is that isnt something Im particular good at (never asked anyone out before :-( !!). Although I did something to hurt her, it wasnt that, so much as it brought other things to a head - and Im not sure what to think - but I feel that she was annoyed at me for never having asked her out, and she knew I really liked her, and as I said im not sure, but being friends with me was hard for her coz we never got anywhere - I would always wimp out of actually saying how I feel.

But I have grown up a bit since all this - I mean hurting and thinking u might lose someone u really care about does that to u!!

so I feel I could ask her out, but I dont want to annoy her if Ive got totally the wrong idea. I mean when we werent talking, I would txt her n she wouldnt reply, n that went on for best part of a week, and I wanted to just not talk to her, but had to get her to say something, so in the end just said what i really felt - which was that she was annoyed at me for never having the guts to ask her out. That got her to reply, but only to tell I think too much and tell me to get over it.

But I dont know whether to believe that or not! I dont know what to believe!!!!

I get the feeling the only way to resolve this is to actaully go for it!!

Arrrg. Girls annoy me!!!