Fayella Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 I've put up with it for a while but my friend keeps insulting me and what's worse is they can be rather subtle insults which really bug me. There's a group of us at college and I have no idea but I seem to get a negative vibe from her, she's really positive and talkative to our other friends but when it comes to me she doesn't talk to me barely one on one and if she does it's always her questioning me, insulting me or she'll just talk over me/interrupt me when we're chatting in a group. I just have no idea what her problem is as I've never said anything mean to her, I'm quite pleasant yet she'll always say something that makes me go 'Wait, what?' after she's said it. There have been times in class where she has said something loudly in class about what I've done or said to show me up. The other day she was making comments about my clothes, asking why I don't wear my old coat as 'you wore it a lot last year' and she began questioning why I don't wear these types of clothes, she made a comment about my shoes saying 'don't you wear anything else, didn't you get them for your birthday?' It makes me feel embarrassed, just for the record I didn't have a job then and aside from that coat I did have other warm clothing but that made me feel the most comfortable, and with the shoes I just plain love them and I haven't had them that long. I just feel like a tramp when she says those things and I feel like I have to go out of my way to get myself new stuff just to shut her up. She even made remarks when I was jobless saying 'Ohhh I don't know what I'd do without a job, I just love to spend' whilst looking at me. I just can't take it anymore, I don't like conflict and confrontation but whenever she says things like that I just struggle to say anything back, I'll just answer in a calm way to her question and give her my reasons but it's like why do I have to tell her? What has it got to do with her? I just don't know what to do. I'm very shy and I have anxiety so it's not very easy for me to just leave and make new friends, plus I have my other friends too that hang out with her. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted September 18, 2013 Share Posted September 18, 2013 She needs to put you down to make herself feel better. You don't need to justify anything to her. Turn it around on her and ask her why does she want to know? Why does she care so much about what you choose to wear? If she persists in her questions just say 'because I want to" or "because that is what I choose to do." If possible I would spend less time around her. Pick a few friends from your group that you feel close to and invite them to hang out with you, without her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 She needs to put you down to make herself feel better. You don't need to justify anything to her. Turn it around on her and ask her why does she want to know? Why does she care so much about what you choose to wear? If she persists in her questions just say 'because I want to" or "because that is what I choose to do." Exactly. Have a few phrases handy. "Why are you asking me this?" "How is this relevant?" "Why are we talking about my shoes?" Or give a hasty, non-committal, "I don't know" then quickly address someone else. "I dunno. Hey Josh, when's the chemistry test?" Or whatever. The point is to not let her put you on the spot. You don't answer to her unless you want to. And if she interrupts you or talks over you, say "Excuse me, I wasn't finished speaking. Anyway, I was saying..." Link to post Share on other sites
pointfive Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Yeah I can see how comments like that could be very bothersome, especially if you're shy and have anxiety. The girl may not even be aware of how her comments are affecting you, so try not to take it too personally. Though that's not to say the things she says are okay, but if she says anything like that again... brush it off. Turn it into a joke, turn the conversation topic to something else. If that doesn't work, just slowly stop talking to her or spending time with her. You guys are in a group at college but maybe just focus on talking to some of the other people more than her and she'll get the hint Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 You could also say "I did it on purpose to annoy you." I use that one sometimes and it works. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SubliminalSessions Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 You could also say "I did it on purpose to annoy you." I use that one sometimes and it works. LOL, good one... Toxic ties, toxic ties...this girl sounds like she is certainly one. Some friends are your friends for reasons not to be your friend. Listen to this song: "They some salt shakers, They shaking-shaking on you girl They some some salt shakers, they shaking-shaking on you girl They some hating ass hoes and they all up in your grill They be smiling in your face but their smile ain't real" -La Chat Link to post Share on other sites
sakher Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 I've put up with it for a while but my friend keeps insulting me and what's worse is they can be rather subtle insults which really bug me. There's a group of us at college and I have no idea but I seem to get a negative vibe from her, she's really positive and talkative to our other friends but when it comes to me she doesn't talk to me barely one on one and if she does it's always her questioning me, insulting me or she'll just talk over me/interrupt me when we're chatting in a group. I just have no idea what her problem is as I've never said anything mean to her, I'm quite pleasant yet she'll always say something that makes me go 'Wait, what?' after she's said it. There have been times in class where she has said something loudly in class about what I've done or said to show me up. The other day she was making comments about my clothes, asking why I don't wear my old coat as 'you wore it a lot last year' and she began questioning why I don't wear these types of clothes, she made a comment about my shoes saying 'don't you wear anything else, didn't you get them for your birthday?' It makes me feel embarrassed, just for the record I didn't have a job then and aside from that coat I did have other warm clothing but that made me feel the most comfortable, and with the shoes I just plain love them and I haven't had them that long. I just feel like a tramp when she says those things and I feel like I have to go out of my way to get myself new stuff just to shut her up. She even made remarks when I was jobless saying 'Ohhh I don't know what I'd do without a job, I just love to spend' whilst looking at me. I just can't take it anymore, I don't like conflict and confrontation but whenever she says things like that I just struggle to say anything back, I'll just answer in a calm way to her question and give her my reasons but it's like why do I have to tell her? What has it got to do with her? I just don't know what to do. I'm very shy and I have anxiety so it's not very easy for me to just leave and make new friends, plus I have my other friends too that hang out with her. 1.Are you sure she considers you an actual "friend?" 2.She may be jealous-secret guy out there who likes you instead of her? are you prettier? get better grades? 3. Stand up for yourself and quit being so passive to put it bluntly. Ask "and how does this affect your life?" or "quit insulting and putting me down in front of others." Link to post Share on other sites
jacksonvillae Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 You don't need to justify anything to her. Turn it around on her and ask her why does she want to know Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted September 19, 2013 Share Posted September 19, 2013 Interrogating someone like that is nothing more than a power play. (it puts YOU on the defensive,and her on the "one-up" position) But--once you realize what's happening---it will only have power over you, if you allow it to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hoshi Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) I had a friend who used to do this exact same thing to me. We knew each other for years and hung out in a specific group of friends, but I would often feel targeted by subtly demeaning comments or questions, or brushed to one side when she had something more important to say, which was always. I ignored it all that time to save the group dynamic, and as she would often put herself in the position of 'fragile victim' whenever she was called out on her behaviour. One day she left me an incredibly passive-aggressive demeaning comment over IM, after something quite embarrassing which had happened between another friend in the group that was entirely irrelevant to her. I decided enough was enough so I sent her a short but very concise email detailing the fact I did not appreciate her wiping her shoes all over me and unless she got her act together she should not expect me to have anything more to do with her. As I also suffer from anxiety, it was one of the most difficult, but inevitably relieving things I ever did. Edited October 1, 2013 by Hoshi Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Stop referring to her as your friend She obviously isn't. Steer clear. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedOne4 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) Cut her out of your life. Not worth it. Trust me. I'm dealing with someone doing similar stuff right now. Edited October 4, 2013 by ConfusedOne4 Link to post Share on other sites
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