barbossa Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I asked my engaged female friend of mine how I could ask another engaged female I know to be friends. her basic advice was women even though they have SO's like the attention and desire from other men and that I should go ahead and ask the other engaged women if we could be friends. I thanked her for her advice. That was a week ago, after that day she has ignored my emails and calls emails and calls to say hello. ( I know her SO and don't want to break her up, or get her in hot water) What gives? she's taken, we've shared this kind of talks before but now she wont talk to me? She's older than me and way out of my league, and I didn't ask her out I've left her several Voicemails but she's never called back while she usually does even when she's busy What gives? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 People ask one another if they can be friends? I thought you just act friendly towards one another. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 (edited) I don't get it. You have an engaged female friend You asked her how to be friends with another engaged woman Now your engaged lady friend is ignoring you? If I got the story correctly, it could be that your friend thinks that you have shady reasons for wanting to be friends with the other engaged lady. I'm assuming you're a guy, and generally guys are only interested in getting to know someone if they are attracted to them - so maybe she thinks that you are the type to want to get involved with engaged women, so she's keeping her distance now... I mean, how do you know the other engaged woman, and why do you want to be friends with her? And the whole asking to 'be friends' is weird to me - usually my friendships develop organically through interaction. I don't think I've asked or have been asked 'to be friends' since elementary school How old are you guys? Edited August 16, 2013 by TigerCub 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 her basic advice was women even though they have SO's like the attention and desire from other men and that I should go ahead and ask the other engaged women if we could be friends. She already told you why. You need to read between the lines. Why are you so concerned with being "friends" with these two engaged women? Why did you post this in the Dating section? If you only wanted to be friends with someone, you would just be friends with her. There's more going on here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
New User Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 People ask one another if they can be friends? I thought you just act friendly towards one another. I don't get it. You have an engaged female friend You asked her how to be friends with another engaged woman Now your engaged lady friend is ignoring you? If I got the story correctly, it could be that your friend thinks that you have shady reasons for wanting to be friends with the other engaged lady. I'm assuming you're a guy, and generally guys are only interested in getting to know someone if they are attracted to them - so maybe she thinks that you are the type to want to get involved with engaged women, so she's keeping her distance now... I mean, how do you know the other engaged woman, and why do you want to be friends with her? And the whole asking to 'be friends' is weird to me - usually my friendships develop organically through interaction. I don't think I've asked or have been asked 'to be friends' since elementary school How old are you guys? She already told you why. You need to read between the lines. Why are you so concerned with being "friends" with these two engaged women? Why did you post this in the Dating section? If you only wanted to be friends with someone, you would just be friends with her. There's more going on here. This point prolly doesn't need to be reinforced much more than it already has, but I'm going to do it anyway . Unless there is some cultural context that I'm unaware of, asking someone for permission to be their friend strikes me as awkward and weird at best. More so if it is a guy asking a woman if they can be friends. Still more so if this woman is engaged. I'm not trying to bust your balls, and like I said maybe there's some cultural context that I'm not aware of. That said if you're a garden variety dude from and living in the U.S., just asking that would make me believe that you don't have a very clear understanding of social interactions and the unwritten rules that govern it. That isn't meant in any way as a criticism or an insult, just something that maybe you need to take a look at. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 maybe she thinks you were talking about her and had alterior motives. Was this conversation something along the lines of "so ____, there is this engaged girl I work with that I want to be friends with, what do you think? how should I approach her?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author barbossa Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 I don't get it. You have an engaged female friend You asked her how to be friends with another engaged woman Now your engaged lady friend is ignoring you? If I got the story correctly, it could be that your friend thinks that you have shady reasons for wanting to be friends with the other engaged lady. I'm assuming you're a guy, and generally guys are only interested in getting to know someone if they are attracted to them - so maybe she thinks that you are the type to want to get involved with engaged women, so she's keeping her distance now... I mean, how do you know the other engaged woman, and why do you want to be friends with her? And the whole asking to 'be friends' is weird to me - usually my friendships develop organically through interaction. I don't think I've asked or have been asked 'to be friends' since elementary school How old are you guys? My engaged friend who is now ignoring me and I worked with each other, so I know her SO personally, but its not like we can hang out, she is my has a supervisor role over me, she is in her 40's. The other engaged woman is also in her 40's but just lives in same building with me. I am not trying to cross lines, she has an fiancee not just a boyfriend. we just have small talk when we see each other. whereas my friend we have each other numbers and emails. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barbossa Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 maybe she thinks you were talking about her and had alterior motives. Was this conversation something along the lines of "so ____, there is this engaged girl I work with that I want to be friends with, what do you think? how should I approach her?" Yes it was, but the woman i actually asked i did not have her contact info whereas i do for my friend .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author barbossa Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 This point prolly doesn't need to be reinforced much more than it already has, but I'm going to do it anyway . Unless there is some cultural context that I'm unaware of, asking someone for permission to be their friend strikes me as awkward and weird at best. More so if it is a guy asking a woman if they can be friends. Still more so if this woman is engaged. I'm not trying to bust your balls, and like I said maybe there's some cultural context that I'm not aware of. That said if you're a garden variety dude from and living in the U.S., just asking that would make me believe that you don't have a very clear understanding of social interactions and the unwritten rules that govern it. That isn't meant in any way as a criticism or an insult, just something that maybe you need to take a look at. I understand your position, and if the girl was closer to my age and was single it would be easier to ask if she wanted to do something have lunch. BUt she has a massive ring, on her finger, I do not know the etiquette if it is proper to ask such a person who i do not have more than an acquaintance relationship with if she wants to spend time together. she knows I am dating someone and I know she is engaged, I wanted to come off properly , a platonic thing. I did not want to come off as if i was trying to ask her out. Like i said she and i both know she is out of my league. she makes at least twice as much as i do. if she was single its easier, but she's not Link to post Share on other sites
Author barbossa Posted August 17, 2013 Author Share Posted August 17, 2013 She already told you why. You need to read between the lines. Why are you so concerned with being "friends" with these two engaged women? Why did you post this in the Dating section? If you only wanted to be friends with someone, you would just be friends with her. There's more going on here. the engaged woman i am friends with she and I met each other through work so getting contact information was necessary. We only spent time with each other at work and we spoke via phone email. About how she was , health etc. the other woman lives in my building. we see each other sometimes we smile and wave and sometimes we small talk. Since she is not single and we both know it I thought it would be improper of me to ask her to hang out, get lunch etc. But since i am moving my friend told me it would be ok to ask for her contact information to just keep in touch with her. Would you as a woman ask a engaged man to lunch/dinner ? how would you do that as just friends? I enjoy the company of women, for lunch or small talk but if we do not work with each other asking to do so seems improper to me If they are in a serious relationship. in my POV Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I understand your position, and if the girl was closer to my age and was single it would be easier to ask if she wanted to do something have lunch. BUt she has a massive ring, on her finger, I do not know the etiquette if it is proper to ask such a person who i do not have more than an acquaintance relationship with if she wants to spend time together. she knows I am dating someone and I know she is engaged, I wanted to come off properly , a platonic thing. I did not want to come off as if i was trying to ask her out. Like i said she and i both know she is out of my league. she makes at least twice as much as i do. if she was single its easier, but she's not Why do you want to be friends with this woman? It sounds like you don't know her at all. Talking about leagues, it sounds like you wish you could date her. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Would you as a woman ask a engaged man to lunch/dinner ? how would you do that as just friends? No, I absolutely would not, unless I was inviting his fiancé along as well. Further, I wouldn't make such an advance/extend such an invitation to an engaged man unless we already had a friendship prior to his now-relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 Why do you want to be friends with this woman? It sounds like you don't know her at all. Talking about leagues, it sounds like you wish you could date her. Thank you!!! That's totally what I'm wondering too. Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Would you as a woman ask a engaged man to lunch/dinner ? how would you do that as just friends? This depends. If it's a friend, and we've established a strong foundation of friendship already, such that his SO knows that "dinner" means two people going to go hang out as friends and NOTHING MORE. Whereas in your case, it's an engaged woman you barely know. So no, it would not be appropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
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