My friend has changed.

[thegirlwhowaited]

So I met this girl when I was in year 11 (18 - I'm now 21) and we didn't really connect. In year 12 we became best friends and the group was very tight. We were best friends for just under 2 years. Just before my 21st birthday, she started to pull away from me. Like, no phone calls, text messages or visits, no nothing.

 

Last month I had a housewarming party and I invited her. She was telling me that she has found a new group of friends that "get" her, and listen to her. She said these friends haven't ever put her down like we have, but the thing is, none of us have ever had a bad thing to say about her. Hell, I was there for her through some of her darkest times.

 

I confided in my other best friend, and he said that she said something similar to him, but when we both spoke to her about it, she denied it. We asked someone else in the group if he noticed a change in her, but he said no, and we should all just drop it.

 

She's making me feel like I've done something wrong, even though I know I haven't. She's almost always made us feel like she's better than us, and now she's trying to turn some of my friends against me and get them into arguments with me.

 

I've definitely tried talking to her, but she won't have a bar of it. I'm sick of feeling like I'm alone in the group, and I'm sick of feeling second best to her. Can anyone give me an idea on what to do, cos this is tearing me apart!

[New User]

So I met this girl when I was in year 11 (18 - I'm now 21) and we didn't really connect. In year 12 we became best friends and the group was very tight. We were best friends for just under 2 years. Just before my 21st birthday, she started to pull away from me. Like, no phone calls, text messages or visits, no nothing.

 

Last month I had a housewarming party and I invited her. She was telling me that she has found a new group of friends that "get" her, and listen to her. She said these friends haven't ever put her down like we have, but the thing is, none of us have ever had a bad thing to say about her. Hell, I was there for her through some of her darkest times.

 

I confided in my other best friend, and he said that she said something similar to him, but when we both spoke to her about it, she denied it. We asked someone else in the group if he noticed a change in her, but he said no, and we should all just drop it.

 

She's making me feel like I've done something wrong, even though I know I haven't. She's almost always made us feel like she's better than us, and now she's trying to turn some of my friends against me and get them into arguments with me.

 

I've definitely tried talking to her, but she won't have a bar of it. I'm sick of feeling like I'm alone in the group, and I'm sick of feeling second best to her. Can anyone give me an idea on what to do, cos this is tearing me apart!

 

 

Sometimes friendships end- not necessarily for any specific reason, but because you grow apart. The rest of your post amounts to window dressing (I don't intend an insult, just don't see it as relevant). Whatever the reason, she isn't acting like a friend. I'd just keep the memories of whatever good times you had together and let go. It really doesn't sound like there is anything for you to fix- she's going to have to be the one to do that if she decides she wants to. From what you say of her behavior it sounds rather similar to classic female bullying.

 

As for turning your friends against you- that can only work if you've either legitimately done something wrong or if they take her words as having more value than yours. I don't have any real advice on that.

 

I'd recommend against getting into some kind of weird cold war with her over the group of friends that you share. That is just childish. Oh, and I wouldn't let her dictate your interactions with said group of friends either.

[creighton0123]

Perhaps you being there for her during her "darkest times" is to blame. Being around you may remind her of those times and, instead of dealing with that, she is passing the psychological blame onto you and your small group of friends.

 

Leave her be. People grow apart. It happens.