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After taking care of abused friend, she took my things & money, took abuser's side.


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I'm gonna try to make this as short as I can.

My best friend and I made friends with her roommate, and they lived in the apartment below me. I became very close with this girl, but her only problem was her abusive boyfriend. Before we were her friends, he was all she had, but we helped her to realize that she could think for herself, and because of that, he hated us and was extremely jealous.

Still, though, he would give her ultimatums, threaten to sleep with other girls if she didn't do certain things for her, belittle her, shove her down, kick her out of his bed if she didn't have sex with him, call her a wh*re (even though he was the only guy she'd slept with), get drunk and yell at her... A week later, he'd get her flowers and apologize, and we'd have to hear about how "he'd changed and was being sweet." It was disgusting, but my best friend and I cared deeply for this girl and tried so hard to help her.

There were times that she'd be sobbing, sprawled out on my apartment floor. Sometimes, she'd call me at 3 AM, hyperventilating about how she was going to kill herself. Point is, after all he did, we'd always be there to pick up the pieces. I loved her as a friend, and when the boyfriend took her birthday concert ticket away from her, I paid $100 for a new one. When we got to the concert, she stood next to him. Many times, I said it was the last straw, so finally, she promised to go to therapy, saying she hoped "it would fix her relationship with _____," which of course was horrible logic. She went twice and stopped, saying "it wasn't helping."

The very last straw was when the abuser and his friends harassed all 3 of us to the point that I had to call the police. The next day, I was told that the abuser "didn't need this right now" and that "I needed to apologize for calling the police." I ended the friendship there and asked her to please leave me my things I let her borrow. This was at the end of April.

 

Last night, my best friend went into the apartment and found our things laying in a pile on the floor. The catch was, she took all of our expensive things and left the trivial, $5 crap on the floor. She took a $35 shirt of mine, some of my makeup, the keys to my bike (locked up outside), and as for my friend, she took a $150 hair tool, a $40 necklace, and $50 shoes among other things. This girl owes me $140 in concert tickets, $95 for my wires her cat chewed up when I had to watch him because she wouldn't, and more money for other things. We did smoke a little now and then, and she had a bag that I asked her to throw away months ago, and she told me she did. However, on top of the pile, there was a bag of the stuff that anyone could've walked in and seen.

 

I feel like she and her abusive boyfriend did this together to be funny, but it makes me extremely angry that after all I've done as her friend, not only did she choose him, she took advantage of everything. My dilemma is, I want so badly to say something and to get my things back, but I realize they're just material things, and that I probably should just let karma get back to her. Despite all she's done, I'm still happy while she'll eventually be miserable, no matter how many of my things she has. It just hurts. Should I say something, and if so, what?

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Should I say something, and if so, what?

 

'Thank you for the wonderfully inexpensive life lesson'

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I feel like she and her abusive boyfriend did this together to be funny, but it makes me extremely angry that after all I've done as her friend, not only did she choose him, she took advantage of everything. My dilemma is, I want so badly to say something and to get my things back, but I realize they're just material things, and that I probably should just let karma get back to her. Despite all she's done, I'm still happy while she'll eventually be miserable, no matter how many of my things she has. It just hurts. Should I say something, and if so, what?

:laugh:

 

You have codependent tendencies, you need some help with that I'd say :)

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Codependent for taking the high road and letting her keep my things? Not exactly the best example. She was a dependent personality. Sure, reading over this, I feel a little stupid for trying to do so much for her, but I was just trying to be a good friend (and I've got "help" as a second opinion who agrees). For the last few months, I did set boundaries by telling her I didn't want to see or hear about the abuser anymore. Didn't really help, did it? So I severed the friendship. :)

 

Carhill, I always appreciate your input. The best advice to give and put so simply. :cool:

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