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Female acquaintance coming on a little too strongly?


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Old 14th April 2013, 6:55 PM   #1
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Female acquaintance coming on a little too strongly?

I wouldn't mind if I was attracted to her, but I am not. We met once 4 years ago at a friend's bday party. She was there with her BF, but she seemed to like me (at least, as a friend) because she was talking with me all night.

Last week I attended my friend's baby shower, and she was there. But now she's single, and we talked for much of the party. She asked me a lot of personal questions, including about # of kids, etc. Just a lot of questions you don't ask someone you just view as a friend. I felt like she was sizing me up. To be honest I felt SLIGHTLY uncomfortable. I am simply not attracted to her and she was coming on a little too strong.

She sent me a FB add and I accepted.

But now she's messaged me with her cell and she goes "Text me back your #"

It all seems a little too forward/aggressive for me. I put her # in my phonebook, but haven't texted her yet. Last thing I'd want is for her to bug me with texts or calls asking to hang out.

Again, this is a girl I've only met twice... once in 2009 and for 2 hours last week. I don't even consider her a friend. She's 29 and I really get the "desperate for love" vibes from her, which is a further turn off in addition to me not being attracted to her in the 1st place.

I feel bad for not texting her my #... but on the other hand I know I have always looked to please others before me in the past.... do I really want to KIT with this girl?

If she wasn't so aggressive/sending me "dating" vibes, I'd be more open to giving her my #. I don't think this is a case of "Well dude just get to know her and who knows you might fall for her." She's just not my type but she seems to have a crush on me. I dunno what to do, lol.

Any thoughts... should I text her my # or not? Am I being too paranoid?
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Old 14th April 2013, 7:30 PM   #2
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You are not attracted to her, so don't text her your #.

All of us deserve to be with people that we adore and people who think we're great.

You don't deserve to be with someone you don't like. Just be sure that you're kind and considerate if you bump into her again.

She doesn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't like her. You are helping her by not leading her on.
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Old 15th April 2013, 12:48 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by lynn1954 View Post
You are not attracted to her, so don't text her your #.

All of us deserve to be with people that we adore and people who think we're great.

You don't deserve to be with someone you don't like. Just be sure that you're kind and considerate if you bump into her again.

She doesn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't like her. You are helping her by not leading her on.
Hmm, true. But I still feel guilty, lol. Maybe I should reply to her FB message and be like "email works better..." and then give her a secondary email account?

Would it be rude for me to completely ignore her? I'd think so, but like you said, I don't want to lead her on or have her EVEN ATTEMPT to try and "woo me."

On the other hand, maybe I'm way wrong and she's just friendly... but meh. She's not the kind of girl I'd go out of my way to hang out with, anyway. She was cool to talk to at the party since she was the one there I could connect most with. But to spend a free Saturday night just with her? *shrug* seems like that could only go bad. i.e. lead her on
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Old 15th April 2013, 12:50 AM   #4
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Asking about your number of kids is something only someone who's romantically attracted asks? Friends don't ask that? Umm, okay.
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Old 15th April 2013, 12:57 AM   #5
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Asking about your number of kids is something only someone who's romantically attracted asks? Friends don't ask that? Umm, okay.
But the thing is, you weren't there to take in the atmosphere or the body language. I can't say for certain that she was sizing me up, but it sure felt like it.

I think instead of texting her, I'll reply on FB with my #. That way she won't respond to my text, but if we communicate through text it will have to be something that she initiates... and I just hope she's the kind of girl who won't make a move like that without first allowing the guy to, as a guide to see whether he's interested or not.
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Old 15th April 2013, 2:53 AM   #6
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It's up to you. I don't know either one of you so I can't say. Generally I'm in favor of polite honesty instead of scardy cat avoidance. But there are acceptations. If you think she's too much trouble to give your number but respond to an offer to meet up with a "look, you're a nice/attractive person but I'm not interested" then don't respond. The issue then becomes will you encounter her gain and it feels awkward just not responding.
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Old 16th April 2013, 9:56 AM   #7
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I feel you are reading into this too much, according to what you have written.

If you feel she's upto something else and don't like her, just don't text her, don't IM her. It's very simple. You have seen her only two days. Just be friendly if you come accross her.

Responding her will give her wrong impression that you like her. Just don't stay in touch with her because you like attention.
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Old 16th April 2013, 10:44 AM   #8
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I think it's important not to lead her on if you have no interest in dating her. Don't give her your phone number. Let her know by Facebook message that you would like to keep it as just friends, you think she's a really interesting person to talk to, and you'd like to stay in touch, but you don't see it becoming more than just friendship, and you didn't want to mislead her. That would be letting her down gently, but firmly.
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Old 16th April 2013, 10:56 AM   #9
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Hmm, true. But I still feel guilty, lol. Maybe I should reply to her FB message and be like "email works better..." and then give her a secondary email account?
I'd vote for this. It's a nice and polite way of sending 'not interested but you're still a nice person' vibes. I've done that with guys whom I didn't feel comfy giving my number to.
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Old 16th April 2013, 11:35 AM   #10
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What's a man doing at a baby sbower.?
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Old 18th April 2013, 1:47 AM   #11
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the most, give her your email, but not her number - or else you will create bigger problems for yourself if she's already this aggressive.

if you give her your email, at least you can just reply her when you have the time. since she doesn't know u well, she might lose interest through time.

good luck <3
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Old 20th April 2013, 5:20 PM   #12
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update: I made it into so much bigger than what it was, lol

I ended up texting her monday night saying hey its me. good to see you again. have a great week

She replied back the same, and now we have each other's numbers.

she hasn't texted me since, and if she invites me in the future, if it's a group thing maybe I'll go. If it's more 1 on 1 then I can decline and I'm pretty sure she won't follow up too much. We've only seen each other 2 times in 4 years!

Not a big deal at all in the end. I just get a little overly paranoid when a girl I don't find attractive starts "targeting" me. I guess I have this (irrational) fear that I'll end up with someone who is a lot less than my ideal dream girl. When I know in the end, I have a big say too in regards to who I open up my heart to. But I guess that's always been my biggest fear.
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Old 21st April 2013, 4:25 AM   #13
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update: I made it into so much bigger than what it was, lol

I ended up texting her monday night saying hey its me. good to see you again. have a great week

She replied back the same, and now we have each other's numbers.

she hasn't texted me since, and if she invites me in the future, if it's a group thing maybe I'll go. If it's more 1 on 1 then I can decline and I'm pretty sure she won't follow up too much. We've only seen each other 2 times in 4 years!

Not a big deal at all in the end. I just get a little overly paranoid when a girl I don't find attractive starts "targeting" me. I guess I have this (irrational) fear that I'll end up with someone who is a lot less than my ideal dream girl. When I know in the end, I have a big say too in regards to who I open up my heart to. But I guess that's always been my biggest fear.
Glad everything turned out okay in the end I would never, ever come onto a guy that strong just cause I wanted him to be my friend. It just doesn't make sense. So I can understand your paranoia
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Old 14th June 2013, 1:27 PM   #14
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As this older thread appears to be a magnet for spam, I'm going to close it.
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