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Accept an old friend into my life or not


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I met this guy maybe 8 years ago. For about 3 of them we were pretty close. We talked all the time, partied, you know..the stuff that friends normally do. After a while, he started seeing this girl who was very possessive and she basically told him he could have no female friends at all. He cut them all out of his life and eventually they ended up married.

 

I haven't heard from this guy since 2006 maybe. All of a sudden he contacts me telling me that he wants to reconnect. The string of texts go something like:

 

I asked how he found me and he said he always had my phone number.

 

I said : then why did you wait till now to use it?

 

He said:Better late than never....because of my wife. Sorry, I'm just not a perfect person.

 

I said: At the time, you were completely okay with tossing me to the side so........ is that really ok?

 

He said: What do you want me to do?? I'm not a perfect person. I have made mistakes sorry. Take it or leave it, I'm trying to reconnect.

 

I said: Bc you are going thru thing? Because it is convenient for you?Whats the reason you wanna connect with me now?

 

He said: Forget it then, I don't need to be grilled.

 

I think that if your friends are interchangeable and so easy to disregard they probably aren't very important to you. I don't want friends that think of me this way. That is more of an acquaintanceship to me. People will treat you how you allow them to and in a way I feel like acting like everything is cool is sending off the signal that I'm okay with being treated like that.

 

I'm not upset with the guy. i understand he had to do what he had to do to make his marriage work, sure ....but To think that all the people he cut out of his life will welcome him back with open arms the second he calls is kinda strange.

 

How many of you agree and who thinks I am overreacting? How would you handle it?

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roaminghart11

If you feel like this then any friendship you would be able to have with him would be shaky, even if you do decide to continue to talk to him.

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yea probably. I would just rather invest my time and energy in building lasting friendships than the casual acquaintances. This is what happens when you grow up. Haha.

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I can understand your situation and according to me you can accept him as a friend. You know what my best friend came to me after 3 years because she was in trouble. I accept her and doing all friend's formalities. I didn't ask a single question and my silence is killing her.

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Dragonfruit

I would figure that an opposite sex person was only acquaintance in the first place. Most serious SOs and spouses, to my knowledge, don't want their partner's old opposite sex friends hanging around. I am surprised you would have expected this to go any other way. So I guess I don't understand your reaction. If you do accept him back, understand that it is not a deep, lifelong friendship but just pals until he (or you, maybe) gets another serious partner. Also, in most all of the m/f friendships I have known of that were very much more than acquaintances, one of the parties had a romantic interest in the other. Did you have romantic feelings for him? Maybe we can help you more if we clarify what this friendship meant to you. Or maybe I just misunderstand because I'm older, and it seems like things are just less categorized or something now. Good luck with it.

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I'd be a little skeptical if an old friend contacted me out of the clear blue and wanted to be friends again. It just seems like it'll benefit him more than it will you, so until you decide on what you want to do, just keep your distance from him.

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