GG3 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I moved 2000 miles away for a great job opportunity. It's already a little depressing being somewhere with no friends and a colder climate that I'm not happy about. Amongst my happy hour group, we all have a mutual friend that I became close to who has a bad habit of wanting to point out your flaws to your face...and then there is always a pause as though he likes watching the embarrassment on your face. He talks like a know-it-all and never became aware of how most people already know the thing he is pointing out to them and inside are secretly annoyed. I had asked him to stop once about a year ago when he kept pointing out my flaws and he didn't do it again for a long time. Before I moved, it seemed to turn up a notch and he was doing it to me and a few other people in the group. One of our mutual friends decided to quit meeting him for lunch because he was fed up. After I moved, I told this friend about a strange email I received from a guy at the company I left. Basically the guy was hitting on me and was really strange about it. The guy said he was waiting on a conjugal visit from me, lol. (I work in engineering.) My "friend" started ranting "OH people are talking about you behind your back there now that you left! Yup..." and I said, "No no no this guy didn't even work in my office or really knew me, he just dropped something at my desk one time." (I'm laughing at the situation because I thought the whole thing was funny.) And my "friend" started arguing with me, "No don't be so naive, people are talking about you behind your back, they always do when you leave a company. When you left such and such company people talked about you. Most of it was positive but there was some negative things said too..." Basically my friend was trying to tell me that people were calling me a sl*t behind my back now that I left and also lazy which is another story related to the weirdo guy's email. I am a very quiet person at work. I don't go to people's offices or cubes and flirt. I didn't date anyone in the office. I kept to myself so much, some people thought i was weird. My yearly rating on my review was a level 5, superior. No one thought I was lazy...because I wasn't and did a lot of good work there. I know this...am secure in myself on this. My friend likes to gossip or read into things. I stopped him right there and said, "You need to stop focusing on other people's flaws and focus on your own issues. This guy didn't even know me, that's not what was going on in this situation. Start focusing on your own issues." All he ever said was "done." (this is all through chat on FB) I feel that i wasn't really mean or anything, just standing up for myself. It's not as though I called him names or said mean things. And I strongly have felt that he owed me an apology. I didn't initiate anything after that because I felt like there was nothing on my end to say. Never heard from him again. The holidays came and went. So I logged in last night, and he actually deleted me from FB. Already being depressed, this is another negative thing to tack onto my depression. I'm looking back and thinking this wasn't a true real friendship. I am baffled at how this guy decided to end the friendship and apparently thought the ball was in my court to apologize??? What is wrong with people anymore. What I find really ironic, is that he loves focusing on other people's issues and flaws and pointing them out to their face. I called him out on this "flaw" of his own and told him that he needed to stop and he couldn't handle it. He can't handle hearing one of his own flaws but expects everyone else to put up with it from him all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 What I find really ironic, is that he loves focusing on other people's issues and flaws and pointing them out to their face. I called him out on this "flaw" of his own and told him that he needed to stop and he couldn't handle it. He can't handle hearing one of his own flaws but expects everyone else to put up with it from him all the time. Well, that tends to be the way of it. People who dish it out all the time are usually pretty terrible at taking it. I've had similar experiences. I wouldn't describe myself as all that assertive, but if somebody's saying or doing passive aggressive things that indicate they have a problem I will usually give them an opportunity to say what's on their mind. What I've found is that the majority of people, even those who pride themselves on being direct, upfront etc, usually avoid taking that opportunity. Probably because taking that opportunity usually involves owning less than stellar passive-aggressive or childish behaviour. Let's face it, it's always dfficult to own behaviour that we know deep down isn't very honourable or mature. I think whether or not a person will own that kind of behaviour and maybe apologise for it comes from a combination of how much they value the friendship with you and how prepared they are to examine their own behaviour introspectively. This guy doesn't sound like a very introspective character, being more focused on other people's flaws than on his own. It also doesn't sound as though he valued the friendship with you. I'm gauging from your post that you're female. It could be that any friendship you built with him was based primarily on him wanting to sleep with you or him just wanting female attention rather than on the genuine respect and appreciate that underpins genuine friendship. It's a dynamic that can result in pretty unreasonable, negative behaviour that you'll rarely get be provided with an explanation for. Best to just shrug it off as best you can, rather than wasting too much energy trying to analyse it for any useful life lessons. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Since he loved to point out other's flaws to their faces without even worrying about his own, you had every right to stand up for yourself, and he was in the wrong, not you. You didn't owe him anything, and a real friend wouldn't be judgemental about you and be spreading gossip just for talk. You're better off without him. And to just delete you off FB for doing just that one thing proves just how juvenile and immature he really is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GG3 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 Since he loved to point out other's flaws to their faces without even worrying about his own, you had every right to stand up for yourself, and he was in the wrong, not you. You didn't owe him anything, and a real friend wouldn't be judgemental about you and be spreading gossip just for talk. You're better off without him. And to just delete you off FB for doing just that one thing proves just how juvenile and immature he really is. Believe it or not, he is 50 years old! Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Believe it or not, he is 50 years old! Good heavens. Guess he never quite grew up or at least he feels superior to others with this type of behavior- Link to post Share on other sites
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