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Friend and roommate potential issue


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Hey all!

 

its been a while since I've posted.. I went from lurker to poster to lurker. And, now I'm back. :bunny:

 

Anyways - the reason why I'm back.

 

I've been living with my roommate for just under a year. Our lease is up in May. We weren't really friends - we're friendly, and we get along, but we have our own social circles, etc. We moved in together more for convenience- I had enough furniture for 2 bedrooms but only needed one, she had no furniture and wanted out of her current place, etc. So, I fully furnished the place and here we are. We had always discussed that in May, she would leave for internship from her graduate program and I'd decide what I was doing.

 

Back in January, she began posting things on facebook indicating she was looking for apartments, etc. I assumed that meant things hadn't changed.

 

I began to worry a few weeks ago about my situation when I was laid off from work. Originally, I was going to keep the 2br townhouse after she left, and just have a spare. But that thought scared me now, since money is now limited and who knows when I'll find FT employment again. I spoke with the complex, and they called me today to say that the one bedrooms available have a pretty long waiting list, but if I want to take the one thats available at the end of may to let them know ASAP.

 

I spoke with roomie yesterday, and she stayed pretty quiet as I weighed my options. Today, I mentioned to my BF that I was swaying between the two options and unsure of what would be best - financially, the 2br with another roommate would be. We had talked about moving in together but never had a time frame, and he's had some life changes lately too.

 

Boyfriend called me tonight and asked me if I would want to take the one bedroom and live with him. Financially, that's awesome - I'd be saving so much and could spend the extra paying off student loans even quicker. Plus, it makes sense for our relationship and I'm excited to take the next step.

 

Later, roommate comes home. I tell her that I agreed to take the one bedroom, she asks what that costs and I tell her that it'll be split b/w BF and I. She then tells me that she will find out mid march about her internship - and IF she gets something nearby, would i consider keeping the two bedroom with her.

 

So, this is my dilemma. I know that she has no furniture, and no way to keep a 2 bedroom apartment on her own. She hates the idea of moving because if she's staying in town, it would be a lot of money for a new place plus all the furnishings. However, she doesn't know exactly when she'll even know if she is staying or leaving.

 

Meanwhile, I already agreed to take the one bedroom, literally cementing in the details hours ago. I feel like he would be crushed if i back out - plus, he told his roommate that he would be leaving and the person who owns their place is planning to move back in when he transitions out.

 

I guess morally there is no right or wrong answer- I just hate that either way I could be hurting someone who I care about! :(

 

What would you do if it was you?

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I guess morally there is no right or wrong answer-

 

 

I think there is. You and your roommate had an agreement that after your lease was up, you'd both be going your separate ways. You are sticking to that agreement. That's not morally wrong, at all.

 

Just tell her sorry, but you've already made other arrangements that you can't back out of. Don't feel bad. It might make things more difficult for her, but that's not your responsibility. It's okay to say no to people. You don't have to please everyone.

 

Maybe it would ease your guilt a little bit to offer to let her keep the bedroom furniture she's using and make payments on it (you'll have no use for it, really - If I understood that correctly.) But do not feel obligated to do that, and if she ends up never paying you for it, you'll just have to chalk it up as a loss.

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maybe you was to fast in getting things done while

you did not know a lot for shore,

 

so its kind of your own fault.

 

you had one agreement with roommate stick to it.

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Maybe it would ease your guilt a little bit to offer to let her keep the bedroom furniture she's using and make payments on it (you'll have no use for it, really - If I understood that correctly.) But do not feel obligated to do that, and if she ends up never paying you for it, you'll just have to chalk it up as a loss.

 

 

That made a lot of sense. It really is more about guilt. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, contrary to what Ladybugz said - I'm not breaking the lease, and in fact I'm staying half a month over when it ends because roomie isn't quite ready to leave the day it ends. But, I do feel guilty that she may be left without.

 

I told her that the one bedroom we're moving to is much smaller than this, and that she is welcome to anything we cannot fit. As it stands, boyfriend already stated she could have his couch, recliner, and I've offered her pick between both mattresses in our current place (we've decided to buy new beds.)

 

It helped to hear the opinion though - thanks for that! I think she's still concerned. But, I spoke to the office staff and it doesn't seem we'd be able to keep the apartment regardless - she wont know until end of March if she can stay, and we have to give a 60 day notice which is actually at the end of this month. So at this point, its kind of out of my hands regardless.

 

thanks!

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maybe you was to fast in getting things done while

you did not know a lot for shore,

 

so its kind of your own fault.

 

you had one agreement with roommate stick to it.

 

my agreement with her was that when our lease ended in may, she was moving to a different state. She's the one that changed the agreement, I simply felt bad for making other plans and leaving her without furniture. I don't believe I did anything wrong, nor did I break any type of agreement.

 

I have to be fast in decisions. My apartment complex has a waiting list, and if I don't tell them I'm interested I won't have a place come June when I have to leave the current building.

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