Is my friend intimidated or jealous of me?

[StrawManProphecies]

One of my closest friends has been acting pretty dodgy and weird with me lately. Ever since he's been with his girlfriend, he hardly calls, text or invites me to hangout or arranges with me to hangout with him. I actually was the one reaching out to him a heck of a lot more but after a while it got annoying trying to hangout with him when he doesn't really get back at me.

 

We used to hangout at least 4-5 times a month but now I haven't seen him since September and its been kind of weird. For example, he's girlfriend contacts me and invites me out to hang with them and arranges dates and everything but I've known my friends 5 years more than his girlfriend so I much rather HE invite me or at least contact me but he just simply doesn't. We were supposed to hangout at a lounge about a month ago and his girlfriend invited me and her and him invited (some) other mutual friends but my friend didn't tell me diddly squat about anything. Which I felt weird about, so I decided not to go because I was trying to see if he was going and I honestly rather have gone if he invited me.

 

Since our mutual friends didn't go, it just made me not want to that much more because I didn't feel right that he didn't invite me. She always invites me out with them but he never does. And one at one point I was going to meet up with them at a private party and my friends girlfriend phone died so I tried getting in touch with him since I was 10 minutes away from the place. He didn't get back to me the next day telling me his "phone didn't get my calls" but mean while I seen pictures of him and our other friends at the party.

 

Its very odd to me that he's been behaving this way. He has no problem posting stuff on Facebook all day but he never gets back at my calls or text, hence the reason why I even bother getting to him anymore. His girlfriend keeps in touch with me all the time and always wants me to hangout with them but I just get a vibe that he doesn't want to.

 

He's one of my closest friends and I wouldn't try and I've never will try to flirt or do ANYTHING with his girlfriend but I wonder if he feels she might be attracted to me or MAYBE he thinks that I am flirting with her? Its very awkward.

 

I'm not losing sleep over this but it just came to my mind since I went on Facebook today and noticed he invited a bunch of friends to watch UFC and didn't invite me, when I used to be one of his "main guys". I just know IF he and his girl were to break up (and I certainly don't or wouldn't wish that) he'll be crying to me and our other friends and would be "back in the hunt" or crying how women don't want him.

 

Its just really annoying. Has anyone experienced anything like this? What are your thoughts or opinions?

[Hamos]

I'm having the exact same problem with my once-good friend. I'm not sure if this is appropriate, but let me share mine a bit here (and possibly ask for your thoughts on it as well).

 

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So this guy and I got along very quickly and became best friends in a very short time. We shared much of our pasts and bonded really fast because (methinks) we had a lot in common.

 

Then he got a gf. It made me a bit depressed (not sure if this is the right word) but I was very happy for him. He kinda rubbed it on me that he'd "won" the race, but I was okay with that. I didn't think it was a race and if it was one (after all, I did tell him I've always wanted a gf), he won fare and square. Also, he looked like he had the world. Couldn't complain to a happy face. We hung out a few times afterwards, me, him, and his gf.

 

Then everything stopped. It was like being dropped all of a sudden. When I spoke to him, he acted like nothing's wrong, but I could definitely sense evasiveness in him and reluctance to respond. The only times he himself texted me was when I unknowingly texted his gf, and when a friend of his (whom I hardly knew) got a gf. Just like the friend of yours, he's had a few gatherings I knew about, but wasn't invited to.

 

Just to add, I hardly know my friend's gf, we met three times, and never spoke to each other directly. I never asked for her contact info, and we never texted each other (except for that time I accidentally did. She didn't respond, so I still don't know her contact).

 

Recently, though, I had a pretty rough moment, losing my employment. I asked him out for a drink, which he accepted, and we had a relatively long conversation. It's been over a few months that we had drinks together to share what's not working in our lives, and I guess I was expecting some form of consolation, because I was there to help him when he lost his potential employment at a big company.

 

But he wasn't all too very supportive. It was pretty clear that he checked me on fb every so often and knew what I was up to, but he was all about getting down to what I have been doing for all this time I wasn't with him by the seconds. Then when I asked about his relationship with his gf and gave him some "advice", he was pretty blunt, saying "what do you know about us? you know nothing."

 

True, I didn't know much about his relationship, but was this guy this hard to get through to? He was engaging, but defensive throughout. When he was finished investigating my life (jobless and gf-less. I practically begged for sympathy for crying out loud), he shared that he got a great job offer from another company, spent great time with his friends making stuff together, and he's constantly striving to improve himself in every way, then offered to pay for the food.

 

Apparently I had too much expectation, but now I simply do not see myself seeing this guy again.

 

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As for my thoughts on your case, I sorta think your friend does think you may be flirting with her or in the very least have a potential to? Maybe she talked about you when she's inviting you to a party, and that didn't make him feel all that pleasant?

 

But I think you're making a realistic effort not to make your situation undermine your friendship. That isn't enough? It's not like you could unspend time with her, unknow her, and be of absolutely no threat to his relationship and maybe his entourage as well.

 

I'm not sure speaking directly to him about this potential cause of your awkward circumstances would help. After all, those are your thoughts and if he disagrees that such are the case, then you've just made a fool of yourself. And if this continues after that, well…

 

Then do you "unfriend" him for his own sake and happiness? Will that make him happy (for now at least), and liberate you from your annoyance? Is that what friendship is about? Others will think you're a weirdo. I think I am by saying all these because they're all based on a supposed premise. They happen to be the questions I keep asking myself as well. I really hope I'm not alone in saying this lol.

 

This is frustrating. But at least I've confirmed that someone else's experienced something similar.

[2sure]

It's no different when women get a bf...they often disappear. I have friends I've known all my life that I only see between their marriages.

[freestyle]

It's no different when women get a bf...they often disappear. I have friends I've known all my life that I only see between their marriages.

 

I've had the exact same experience with a lot of my women friends over the years................It's very frustrating.

 

I've reached the conclusion that those are the types that want you to be a sounding board when they're in-between romances, but go *poof*, as soon as they find someone. It's hurtful.

 

I made that mistake once--in my early twenties. Gave up my own life/friends, because I became so invested in my relationship. When the relationship ended--I was left holding the bag---without a shoulder to cry on. Ever since then--I've personally made it a point to maintain my friendships, no matter what was happening in my love life.

 

 

Strawman--I'm really sorry you're going through this---it's a hurtful thing to experience. Especially since you were there to provide support, when it was needed--and you're getting the bum's rush when you could use support.

 

You can try discussing that with your friend---sometimes that helps, sometimes it pushes them away. (especially if they have the personality type that they can't stand to feel guilty, so they'll run away , instead of facing their own behavior) Only you can ascertain if that would be a good approach with this guy or not.

 

It's possible that you will lose him to his new life, so it's not a bad idea to start investing your time & energy into building new friendships, and expanding your social circle.