What happens after the last straw with a friend?

[BornToDie]

This girl who was supposedly a very good friend of mine has finally gotten me fed up. She is in an abusive relationship with a guy who verbally, emotionally, sexually and sometimes physically puts her down. He is very manipulative towards her, and everyone sees it but her. No matter what he does, she crawls back to him. I keep thinking, "okay, this is the last straw, this has to be it," but no. This weekend, I've finally had enough.

 

In short, the guy she's with is desperate for sex with her and manipulates her however he can. For example, he'll say "I'll only do that if you have sex with me" or "I'll go mess around unless you have sex with me." My friend's 21st birthday was this past Friday. He bought her a suite for the weekend in Atlanta but failed to tell her until 9 PM on Thursday night. I feel like this is his way of manipulating her in many ways: one, the hotel's cancellation policy was 72 hours. Two, he knew that the friends she wanted to bring wouldn't be able to drive 2 hours to Atlanta on short notice. Three, he knew she was going to be drunk on her 21st birthday. My friend got very upset because she'd already made plans, so he started the whole "you're so unappreciative" deal and told her he was taking his friends to the hotel instead so they could party all weekend.

On her birthday on Friday, I didn't want my friend to be sad, so I took her to a boutique and bought her a birthday outfit that ended up being about $70. I knew it made her happy, so I didn't mind. When we went out to dinner, I came to her apartment to see that her boyfriend had, in fact, decided to stay in town and not go to Atlanta. When we got to the restaurant, my friend had 2 or so friends that left when they saw that he was there (this shows how much everyone can't stand the guy).

After dinner, we went to the bar. Her boyfriend was being so nice to her (can you guess why?), and she was telling me how worried she was about what was going to happen when he wanted sex at the end of the night, and she didn't want to.

 

There was a concert last night in Atlanta that my boyfriend and I got tickets to. My friend and the guy she's with also got a ticket (he bought the tickets). This was one of her favorite bands. Yesterday, I woke up to calls and texts from her at 4 AM saying that they got into a fight, and he shoved her down and left with her concert ticket. I told her to get the cops involved because of the domestic violence, but she did not listen. Instead, she called and begged for her concert ticket, to which he did not answer.

 

At this point, it was about 6 PM (the concert started at 9), and my boyfriend and I were already in Atlanta eating dinner. My friend called me, crying, saying she's wanted to go to the concert for years, so I told her I'd see what I could do... I felt so bad that I found and bought a $100 last minute ticket for her. I gave her my email info for the ticket, and I sent her directions and offered to drive her car back home at the end of the night. I felt like I'd done the right thing.

At 9 PM, the concert rolled around. My boyfriend and I were standing on the floor, and by coincidence, I looked to my right and happened to see my friend's boyfriend and his cousin standing there. He took my friend's ticket and gave it to his cousin. I couldn't believe it. I kept calling my friend, and when I knew she made it safely, I saved her a spot in the crowd and kept looking for her. Finally, the band came out to play, and I looked over to my right again, and would you believe it? My friend was standing next to her boyfriend, not me.

 

I'd originally texted her and said, "Where are you?" but after this, I sent, "Never mind, I clearly see you're standing next to ______. $100 well spent." She sent back, "I'm trying to fix this." At that point, I got so angry to the point of tears and replied, "You and I are not friends anymore. I spent $100 for your ticket, and you took complete advantage of me. I hope you are proud of yourself. As upset as I was with you earlier today, I still got you a ticket so you could be happy, and what do you do? You crawl back to _____, the guy who shoved you down and took your ticket in the first place. Do not come talk to me. Do not look at me. Your friends are done with you because of this guy."

 

I looked over after that and saw she was staring at me and looked like she was about to cry, but she hasn't replied. Awkwardly enough, she lives in the apartment below me, and her roommate is my other best friend. My other best friend is equally fed up and thinks this is so wrong. We're so done with the situation and feel that the only thing we can do anymore is cut her out completely. I just feel so hurt and betrayed. I know she is in an abusive relationship, but that's no excuse for what she did. There are so many people who truly love her, and she dumps them all for the guy who treats her like crap every single time, without fail.

 

This makes me sick. So after the last straw, what do I do now?

[kmhlove]

If I were you I would've done the same thing.

 

There's not much that you really can do now, unless you witness him physically harming her yourself.. then just call the police.

 

Sometimes it has to be tough love. You gotta carry on with your own stuff though. She will see it one day. Hopefully soon!

 

Sorry if this didn't help much.. good luck though!

[The Outlaw]

As of right now, there's not much you can do. She's just going to have to see for herself how bad he actually is.