Online friends won't talk to me...

[Wisp_M]

Unless I talk to them first, and initiate the conversation. For whatever reason, I am always the one to try and keep contact with most of my friends, and ask them if they'd like to do something together or try and gauge their interest in chatting. I try to make sure I don't seem too pushy or obsessive with them though, but it's getting to the point where if I decide to not talk to most of them for a week or more, then they simply forget that I exist. In other words, I am always the one that puts a ton of effort into trying to make the friendship work. Some of them have even told me that they'd be delighted to be my friend, but they never really showed any enthusiasm or shown me much interest. Most of the time if I do get any feedback from them at all I just get one-liner responses or very short discussions, with them not really putting much effort into keeping the discussion going. As a result, I kind of lose the motivation and confidence to keep talking to them.

 

Here's the thing though and why I'm confused most of them don't talk to me more. Most of my friends I made sure I had something or a few things very in common with them, and that I could contribute something valuable to the friendship. I often provide them with content related to our interests, like the download link to some new foreign comic book I scanned and/or translated, a picture I just drew, or something interesting that I found out about. I also usually ask them how they've been, ask them about what they've been doing, and other questions like that to show them I'm genuinely interested in them as a person and a friend, but not too often. I don't really expect anything from them in return though, I just like being nice to my friends and sharing cool things with them.

 

I'm not sure what to do. It just seems that most people I become friends with don't show that much interest in me, and I have no idea why not.

[darkmoon]

i'm not sure if you are expriencing a general decline in this relatively new craze, maybe there's move towards meet-up cuz it's more real

 

though there's one thing which is that i'm not sure everybody wants to be checked in on so much with how have you been and what have you been doing, answering these questions would be a pain in the ass, if i was expected to go into anecdotal detail in order to respond it's chore, or if i answer fine or ok it's a pointless interaction going nowhere...

 

but ppl also have off-line friends with partying dining out, i think on-line socializing has only limited potential for fulfillment, i am finding this in my own life, tbh, picking up the phone to natter is better company imho, though LS is v nice

Edited January 26, 2013 by darkmoon

[Wisp_M]

though there's one thing which is that i'm not sure everybody wants to be checked in on so much with how have you been and what have you been doing, answering these questions would be a pain in the ass, if i was expected to go into anecdotal detail in order to respond it's chore, or if i answer fine or ok it's a pointless interaction going nowhere...

 

I usually only ask them this if we haven't talked in a few days, or if I just haven't asked them in awhile.

[darkmoon]

I usually only ask them this if we haven't talked in a few days, or if I just haven't asked them in awhile.

 

still a pain cuz it's an out-of-the-blue letter requiring a detailed response, sorry, maybe it's just me xx

[Aedra]

In my experience, social media and the internet in general is a poor way to form meaningful friendships. Places like Facebook are more about seeking validation from strangers and acquaintances. Connections are shallow at best. Sometimes you get lucky and find a cool person or two, but even when you do have stuff in common, I always feel a disconnect. It never lasts. I have met just 1 good friend over the years on the internet (excluding my boyfriend of 3 years, I think that's a bit different.) He's a great friend and we joke around alot, but we go months without chatting to each other. It's the nature of online relationships. There's always a disconnect if you can't eventually meet in real life and develop a real bond of some sort. Anyways, that's just my experience.

Edited January 27, 2013 by Aedra

[Wisp_M]

As sad as it may sound, me nor most of the type of people I make friends with usually have very few (if any) RL friends at all. So some of them actually do seek meaningful friendships with other people, and I know at least several people on my friends list that do have a best friend online.