One Sided friendship with ex..????

[bohica]

Loveshack....

 

me 44 her 38

 

flashback:

Her: Middle Eastern girlfriend married tiwce with stricked parents and a child from marriage one.Very conservative,Never alone,never any significant friendships,very difficult ex's.Very little free time.Very bad communicator

 

Me: Never married,Very Independent,liberal,self employed,failing business,moved in with my mother for financial reasons.Can be needy, tend to wear my heart on my sleeve to those I get close to.Very open. Good communication skills.

 

We had a very strong relationship that was loving and compassionate. We got involved when she was going through a divorce.We were each others best friends and there for each other at a difficult time.Although we had a lot of problems and werent compatible we loved being around each other and truely love each others company.The relationship didn't last.We broke up after a little more then a year.She BOTH wanted a little more AND a little less in different areas.

 

Based on my experiences I was very reluctant to be friends with her straight out. She instisted she needed me in her life and that she loved me. Reluctantly, I tried to remain friends. We would keep in constant touch, help each other when needed and even get together once in a while. Considering all my friends are married with kids or various jobs that require weekend work she was all I had.

 

Fastforward:

As was the case in our relationship I am always put last. Last to her parents, last to her child (understanding), last to her difficult ex, last to her job. I always had a certain level of understanding when it came to some of this stuff but I did and do let it frustrate me sometimes. I am always there for her. It seems I am always calling her, always the one reaching out to her. She is slow at returning calls, text messages, etc..and she seems to always be too busy. About four or five months ago she started haging out with an old girlfriend whos married and they constantly hang out. Everytime I try to reach out its I'm going out with ________or I was on the phone with ________ or I already made plans with __________. Its constant and she never makes concessions for me. She barely makes any effort for me at all anymore.

Recently, I was sick with the flu and could barely talk. She was nice enough to text and ask how I was and if I need anything but untimately blew me off and didn't return a call because she took a call from _______.

She first gave me an attitude for not saying much in my correspondence but I was so sick I didn't care to talk or text anyone. She said I was a cold jerk.

When she said that I went off claiming she has no right to call me that. I told her I felt we had a one sided friendship because she is always blowing me off and that I am always the one reaching out to her. After pointing out same examples she told me we are better off just being friends during the week when ___________ isn't around. What?! I said I don't need a friendship like that. I thought it was b.s. This is someone who text me she loves me not 6 weeks ago. Who puts restrictions on friendships? I don't need that. A week has gone by and she sent me a text. All it said was 'Im sorry'.. I didn't respond to that blanket statement until two days later when I said 'sorry for what?' and that I thought she didn't understand and that saying sorry in this case via text is a tacky insincere thing to do. For those who think I sound jealous well yes I suppose I am a little but I always pushed for her to have friends. I just feel like I've been used and taken advantage off and that I filled a lot of voids in her love life and her friendships until now.I also feel like she lacks compassion, sentimentality, and doesn't understand true friendship.

 

So you get the idea. She doesn't understand the concept of putting someone else first. If I say for example 'you said you would call me right back, couldn't you tell __________that you couldn't talk because you needed to call me back' she is clueless to the very concept of that. If I say 'We have been trying to make plans for a month' she doesn't think about that when shes alone or when_________asks her out.

 

I have tried talking to her about this before but it's all just drama and complication to her. What do you think of this situation? Should I continue to point out the error of hers ways and be her friend or move on?

 

Sorry for being so long winded. I wanted to give a little background.

 

Thank you to those who took the time.

Edited January 25, 2013 by bohica

[bohica]

Not sure why no one responds to this thread. Maybe because it's too long?

[bohica]

ok..I see a lot of views but no responses. Either it's too long or just absurd.

 

The update is that she texted me "I don't know what your problem is"

 

to which I said "if you don't know what my problem is then why did you say your sorry?"

 

I then never heard back from her. I keep asking myself who's the cold one here? I sent her a text this morning asking her just that and she responded...... "I am"... I called her a wise ass then continued to tell her that she isn't the person I thought she was and that she doesn't deserve my friendship.

 

I know I need to just walk away from this but I thought in my gut it was the right thing to say to her. I am a very loyal friend that would do anything for someone I am close with. I don't get the same feeling from her and she doesn't deserve me.

[Cutiepie1976]

Maybe focus your time on your other friends? There's really no need for drama, anger, and name calling in your discussions with her (e.g "wise ass"). Not everyone will give us exactly what we want. It happens.

 

Very interesting that you easily accept that your other friends don't make you a priority on their weekends, but you are livid that she, as a single mother, does the same. Perhaps you still have feelings for her? Could that explain why it's unacceptable to you that you aren't a priority in her life...ahead of her mother, ex, female friend. Just walk away if you don't like that you are not at the top of her list of priorities, or if you feel ignored. That's a reasonable response. Calling someone petty names because you are upset and possibly jealous, on the other hand, is not. It's immature.

 

Since you seek a much closer, more involved relationship than she is willing to have with you, particularly on weekends, turn to your other friends. They can give you the attention you seek if lack of platonic companionship is the real issue.

[bohica]

I see you points. I have been acting immature. I think I'm easily frustrated because she doesn't give me the attention and support she once did. I was very reluctant to become friends with her but she kept insisting she needed me in her life. I didn't follow my instincts. Over time as she started to fill her life with the things she was missing she started needing me in it less and less. It has made me angry and bitter and to top it off she's unresponsive.

Your right on with all your points. I always feel this need to let her know how I feel she's has been treating me. Knowing her indifference and very poor communication skills it just comes off as whining drama. I never wanted to become that person. I once thought we were great but now realize were completely too different animals.