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Was she testing me?


Sex_Panther

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So I have this friend whom I like in a relationship/sexual way. She knows this very much and has often teased me talking dirty with me ect. She has a boyfriend she is going out with and we have talked about him and I really dont mind it for the most part. I am happy for her, because she has enough negative crap in her life. Anyways, recently she talked about having sex with her boyfriend and this really struck a nerve with me. I feel like that was over stepping the boundries, because she should know that because I like her in that way it is not wise to talk to me about her current sex life with her boyfriend. Anyways, I emailed her to tell her how disrepected I felt and that I think with me being attracted to her and it not being mutual that maybe I need to move on. Well she sent an email back saying she was sorry. I left it alone and just yesterday she emails me and sends me a message on facebook that she is having problems and needs me to help fix it for her. I am the only one of her friends that knows how to fix computers and networks. So knowing this I responded back to attempt to help her. Afterwords, I told her I regretted sending the email and to give me a couple of days to get over this. However, now I am thinking maybe this was a test to see if I really wouldnt speak to her or if I would jump and come running. What should I do from this point? In some ways I think I should just cut my losses and bail, but on the other I feel like we have been friends since we were kids and I dont want to end the friendship over a conversation. I think she knows better then to talk like this with me now.

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Dude, she has a boyfriend. That means she isn't into you in that way and uses you as an emotional tampon for whenever she has problems. Why would you like someone like this? Bail, absolutely run for the hills.

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I dont care that she has a boyfriend, I dont even mind talking to her about him. I am not asking how to get her to like me, I am asking was she testing me? I dont really care if she doesnt like me, and I wont go out with her even if she asked because that would be bad for our friendship. I am just saying she disrespected me talking to me about her sex life with this guy, I say I need some space, then she emails me that she is having problems with her network, and instead of ignoring I respond and try to fix her problem. I am thinking she was testing me to see if I would come running or if I would just ignore her.

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todreaminblue
So I have this friend whom I like in a relationship/sexual way. She knows this very much and has often teased me talking dirty with me ect. She has a boyfriend she is going out with and we have talked about him and I really dont mind it for the most part. I am happy for her, because she has enough negative crap in her life. Anyways, recently she talked about having sex with her boyfriend and this really struck a nerve with me. I feel like that was over stepping the boundries, because she should know that because I like her in that way it is not wise to talk to me about her current sex life with her boyfriend. Anyways, I emailed her to tell her how disrepected I felt and that I think with me being attracted to her and it not being mutual that maybe I need to move on. Well she sent an email back saying she was sorry. I left it alone and just yesterday she emails me and sends me a message on facebook that she is having problems and needs me to help fix it for her. I am the only one of her friends that knows how to fix computers and networks. So knowing this I responded back to attempt to help her. Afterwords, I told her I regretted sending the email and to give me a couple of days to get over this. However, now I am thinking maybe this was a test to see if I really wouldnt speak to her or if I would jump and come running. What should I do from this point? In some ways I think I should just cut my losses and bail, but on the other I feel like we have been friends since we were kids and I dont want to end the friendship over a conversation. I think she knows better then to talk like this with me now.

 

 

I dotn think its right to talk about sex with another guy when you are going out with someone, doesnt seem right to me, that she is bringing up sex talk isnt right even if you were her very best friend it shouldnt be done..doesnt seem normal...deb

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I dotn think its right to talk about sex with another guy when you are going out with someone, doesnt seem right to me, that she is bringing up sex talk isnt right even if you were her very best friend it shouldnt be done..doesnt seem normal...deb

 

I know what you mean, normally it wouldnt be right. The thing is, both of us have been each others very first friend in life, since babies and neither of us hide anything from each other. It just comes natural for either of us to talk about anything and everything. I guess maybe that is why she was so open about having sex with her boyfriend even though she knows I like her in that way. Sometimes I wonder if maybe deep down inside she has the same feelings for me, but due to her circumstances and the fact that we live too far from each other to hang out on a regular basis that maybe she is suppressing that for now. Now that I have taken a break from her I realize that doing anything more then being friends would be a mistake. I guess I was hoping that she would get the hint by me taking a break from her that I will bail at any point in time if she disrepects me like this. I want her to know her talking about shaving her pubs so she can go out later in the night to screw her boyfriend is not really something I want to hear. I just think that by her emailing me on monday asking for me to help her, she was trying to see how serious I was about this no contact, I need a break stuff. If that were the case as I think then I failed because as soon as I saw the message I came online and helped her out. I think I am going to let this go for another week and then have a chat with her about this and see if we can come to some agreement that we not talk about each others current boyfriend/girlfriend. Anyone got some advice though?

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Ok so I decieded to say what the **** this morning and I had a chat with her. I explained to her that I didnt want anything weird between us and I will always be there for her. She said she didnt tell me the things she did to hurt me and she doesnt know why she was so open like she was. She said that she is sorry, but dont expect things to be the same as they were before. I guess that means she is going to be a little more on the conservative side? We made a little small talk and I ended the conversation on a good note and said feel free to message me anytime. I think what I got out of this is she is not going to be as open with me anymore and we arent going to be talking as we did all the time. It will probably be every once and awhile. I think maybe she is turned off by my email and me spilling my feelings again like I got attached. I dunno we agreed to take things one day at a time and go from there. I hope I did the right thing, but maybe you guys can tell me how to proceed from here? Should I wait for her to message me this time or should I message her in a few days? I have gotten my head cleared and I just want us to work on our friendship with no expectation of anything more, just let things happen naturally like they were before when we naturally opened up to each other.

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The fact that she jumped from 'sorry' to asking for help with a computer problem indicates to me, as she is apparently a long-time friend, that her interest in and respect for you is apparently pretty low.

 

Tip: Refrain from telling a woman you'll 'always be there for her'. That's tampon talk. A friend doesn't need to hear it. Your actions send the message.

 

IMO, she's letting you 'love' her. Big difference from mutual love and respect friends have for each other. Better you learn it at a young age, trust me. Good luck.

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To answer your question I need to know if you are a man or a woman first.

 

Im a guy, not a lesbian, haha.

 

The fact that she jumped from 'sorry' to asking for help with a computer problem indicates to me, as she is apparently a long-time friend, that her interest in and respect for you is apparently pretty low.

 

Tip: Refrain from telling a woman you'll 'always be there for her'. That's tampon talk. A friend doesn't need to hear it. Your actions send the message.

 

IMO, she's letting you 'love' her. Big difference from mutual love and respect friends have for each other. Better you learn it at a young age, trust me. Good luck.

 

I talked to her about this because she says she cant remember any of our conversations so to me it seemed she wasnt interested or was getting bored sometimes. She told me she deleted her IM history and she has a 5hytty memory so I just have to accept that. You are right, we are each others very first friend from childhood so we know each other inside and out like the back of our hands. I think this talk kinda closed her up, because I told her in the email I was getting mixed signals like when she talks sexually with me about my cock and different sexual things we both like it makes me think she might want to be friends with benefits sometime, but other times I think she only wants to be friends. So I think this talk and the way things are going to be different is we arent going to talk that way or be open like we used to be. She isnt attracted to me so she isnt going to send mixed signals anymore. Thats just what I am assuming though. Thanks for your advice. I am just going to take this one day at a time and see where it goes. I am not going to let her use me as a emotional tampon anymore. I am a guy with feelings and I am better then this. I am hoping she realized this now, by the way I distanced myself and came out with the fact I didnt like her talking about her current boyfriend and sex with him.

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Why does all that sound so familiar? Lived it :D

 

She really talked with you about your penis? Wow..... poster child for no boundaries, she is.

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Why does all that sound so familiar? Lived it :D

 

She really talked with you about your penis? Wow..... poster child for no boundaries, she is.

 

Yup, she told me she was intrigued by it an wants to see it some time. This was before she felt attracted to the guy she is seeing now. Though I dont know what to make of her current relationship, because she told me point blank she doesnt see it going anywhere. The guy could be her father, and she has to hide it from everyone but me. We have talked all kinds of dirty to each other, but thats too personal to get into details about it. When I say we were open, I mean just that, almost too open, but it was good in some ways. Atleast now you can understand what I mean about mixed signals with her. I do know when she talked about my penis she told me she didnt get any for a few months and with her high sex drive she really wanted some bad. Who knows, maybe she was just using me or talking that way because she knew I couldnt come do anything and I was "safe".

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It all depends on what you want from her, what I mean is if you want to marry her then look at her qualities and see if that is really what you want, but if you want a relationship first you need to take that step, never assume she knows tell her and be sensitive but blunt. If you need more advice please pm me with any questions or concerns

 

I would like to eventually evolve into FWB, then relationship, and see where it goes from there. I have to respect where she is at now with her current relationship, because even if she knows its not going to go anywhere she is happy with her current status. So I am completely backing off from any of this and just trying to be her friend. If it never goes beyond that then so be it. At this point though, she would have to give off some pretty strong signals for me to go beyond a friendship.

 

The thing is, I have been blunt to her. I have asked her out on a date at 14 which she now tells me her mom made her say no because I asked her to an R rated film. Then when we hung out a few months ago I spilled it all to her in the car and she told me we would have to hang out more for anything to happen. Then I did it again in an email. I cannot be more obvious about my feelings. I just dont see us going anywhere beyond a friendship. Now she says things are going to be a bit different after our talk yesterday so I think she is a little shell shocked I was hurt the other day and doesnt know what to do since I am attracted so much and it isnt mutual.

 

From the sounds of it, you may have dodged a bullet by not getting romantically involved with this chick.

 

How do you mean? Please explain.

 

i think both of you are trying too play a nasty game.

she is not single so you need too respect that,even if that means

take a step back from your friendship with her.

 

We both just know each other like the back of our hands so we are just that open. I find myself to be just as open about things as she is.

 

OK a serious answer for you:

 

--Relationships, if they are going to be workable, shouldn't be so much darn trouble.

 

A good relationship which is what you should want shouldn't be a source of constant stress whenever you have to deal with the other person.

 

There could be a lot of reasons to be in a relationship with someone but many a time you will find you just do not "mesh well" i.e. are simply not compatible with the object of your desire.

 

I would back away in your position, continue to be casually friendly, but seek greener pastures elsewhere.

 

We cant see each other face to face right now and quite honestly neither of us know each other in that way anymore consitering the last time we hung out was when we were kids. I mean we hung out for a day a few months ago because we happen to be in the same place, but that was for 1 day. I am planning on doing some activities like fishing and hanging out in the spring/summer when I will be 20 minutes away from her.

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I think u guys should give a space to each other. then everything will be fixed automatically with the passage of time n you guys will probably be driven out from this awkward situation.

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I think u guys should give a space to each other. then everything will be fixed automatically with the passage of time n you guys will probably be driven out from this awkward situation.

 

UPDATE: So, yesterday evening I attempted to contact her, I said Hey, whats up?. Well it took her a few minutes but she finally replied that she was at a friends house. I asked if she wanted to talk later and she said yeah but she didnt talk to me lastnight when I could tell she was clearly online. So I took it as she just didnt want to talk to me. Well earlier this morning I see she "liked" a story on facebook. I'll go ahead and post the story because I think she was directing this towards me.

 

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said “you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.” You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.

 

I know she directed this towards me as to explain what she meant by things will never be the same between us. I now get it, she wants to distance herself from me and wants her space. I am going to give it to her. I contacted her yesterday, she said she would contact me later so as far as I am concerned the ball is in her court. I am going to just leave her alone. I have heard that time heals all wounds and who knows, maybe i am better off without her right now. I have alot of personal things I have to deal with right now so maybe after I have taken care of all this crap going on in my life I will try and reconnect again. I guess we will see what happens. In the meantime, can you guys tell me if I am right about this? Any thoughts you guys want to add?

Edited by Sex_Panther
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