ShannaB Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Moved to a new apartment 3 years ago and became friendly with my upstairs neighbor. She just went through divorce no. 3, and I'm married. So we worked out, went shopping, all the stuff girlfriends do, etc., and I watched the paraded of guys in and out of her life. She meets this older guy on match.com about 2 years ago. All she did was complain (and still does) about how how he's not generous, etc., so she broke up with him. A few months pass, she gets back with him and is "madly in love". Well, I've heard too much about this guy from her... and I think he has serious issues, and my friend can do better. She is settling. Apparently there is a very very very close relationship between this guy and his married daughter, creepy close... and I've heard him talk about the daughter, it's like she is GOD. My friend tells me that he makes references to his daughter while they are having sex, and that she thinks there is or was an inappropriate contact there. She has complained to me about many many things about this guy... he's cheap, lazy, old, blah blah blah. Well now they are engaged because she pushed it, and gave him half the money for a big diamond ring! (all the while she was sleeping with other guys too) The best thing... she finally moved in with him, and doesn't even live near me. She calls and texts and wants my husband and I to come to her new place, meet them for dinner, etc., and I am ready to cut off the friendship. I don't have time for this f'd up crap in my already too busy life. No way I want any part of that "wedding"... She knows I think she is making a mistake (all of her other friends do too)... Any suggestions on how to handle? I've been "busy" alot... should I just flat out tell her, Hey, your bf creeps me out, and your behavior too... take care and see ya 'round? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Moved to a new apartment 3 years ago and became friendly with my upstairs neighbor. She just went through divorce no. 3, and I'm married. So we worked out, went shopping, all the stuff girlfriends do, etc., and I watched the paraded of guys in and out of her life. She meets this older guy on match.com about 2 years ago. All she did was complain (and still does) about how how he's not generous, etc., so she broke up with him. A few months pass, she gets back with him and is "madly in love". Well, I've heard too much about this guy from her... and I think he has serious issues, and my friend can do better. She is settling. Apparently there is a very very very close relationship between this guy and his married daughter, creepy close... and I've heard him talk about the daughter, it's like she is GOD. My friend tells me that he makes references to his daughter while they are having sex, and that she thinks there is or was an inappropriate contact there. She has complained to me about many many things about this guy... he's cheap, lazy, old, blah blah blah. Well now they are engaged because she pushed it, and gave him half the money for a big diamond ring! (all the while she was sleeping with other guys too) The best thing... she finally moved in with him, and doesn't even live near me. She calls and texts and wants my husband and I to come to her new place, meet them for dinner, etc., and I am ready to cut off the friendship. I don't have time for this f'd up crap in my already too busy life. No way I want any part of that "wedding"... She knows I think she is making a mistake (all of her other friends do too)... Any suggestions on how to handle? I've been "busy" alot... should I just flat out tell her, Hey, your bf creeps me out, and your behavior too... take care and see ya 'round? got a sick feeling in my stomach when i read this post......makes seclusion for me attractive....Look as i said it makes me feel sick , dotn knwo why she woudl want to sleep with the guy when he is thinking of his daughter, retching a little..imagery...but she has agency to make her own choices right or wrong.........what you can do is politely tell her you think she is on a really bad path and you cant go down it with her say the relationship the guy has with his daughter could be incestuous if not in reality in the guys head it is, and that is something you cant stand by or condone, say you feel for her but you cant watch her make a mess of her life,say if she ever needs to talk about other options and another possible life you will be there for her, but you cant be a part of her heartache waiting to happen give her a hug, wish her well ......and you leave..end the friendship in person not over the phone.....give her that physical presence....it will have more of an impact....best wishes....good luck....this was not the post i should have read first thing in the morning...no breakfast for me now........deb Link to post Share on other sites
tamara27berry Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Yes, maybe its time you cut off the friendship you had built with her. As I read your post, I thinks she is not a good example to your kids, and she might brag you to a deep **** later. She is ruining her life and hopefully her daughter will not suffer the consequences of her mother living in to that kind of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Does this lady have kids? I really hope not, because this guy sounds seriously creepy and a potential pedophile. You've tried being "busy"... have you tried not returning her phone calls? Or returning them a week or two later? Only reason I suggest it, is because one time a friend of ~5 years started doing that with me, and I took the hint fairly quickly. It's a dishonest, crappy way to end things, but when it comes to friendships ending, few people want to say or hear what the real problems are and why they can't be resolved. Somehow, it's easier to speak and accept the truth in the context of the end of a romatic relationship rather than a friendship. If she won't take the hint or if you feel the need to, just be straight with her, without getting angry or judgemental, that you don't agree with this decision she's made to involve this man in her life and you can't in good conscience continue the friendship if this is the path she's chosen. Link to post Share on other sites
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