christine07 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 So my friend has been dating my EX bf's twin (not identical, Thank God) Brother for 10 years.. yes and they are going to get married and I will be invited to the wedding. Now my EX was terrible to me, for 3 years of my life, and my friend had been dating his bro for 4 years before we started. Well needless to say, she got in a huge fight with me dating him after 1 year (stupid, young, dumb, college aged fight, even though they both hinted to me that it would be 'perfect!') and we ended up not talking for 5 years ( no contact the reminding 2 years we dated, and then the 3 when we were broken up after cuz it was to hard for me). We recently got in touch cuz our mutual friends BF of 6 years passed and we all kind of realized how dumb it is to fight over these little blimps in our lives when we could leave this earth at any moment. (passed a year ago) The worst is that during those 3 years him and I were broken up we still talked and he cheated on his new GF with me (just once) and is still with her. Since then we have not seen each other or had contact (about 9 months) Now my old friend and I have been getting along really well.. but its so hard for me and awkward cuz of everything that has happened. I have know this girl since I was 6, I'm 28 now, and hate that a stupid boy that I had only known for 3 years came between us and sorta still is. I want to be normal and forget him and just get back to not thinking about the past.. but it is so difficult sometimes when his twin brother comes to our events. I guess in some ways I still haven't fully recovered from my break up with my EX cuz I never got closure... but I miss my friend so much. How, if any, can I help myself without distancing her again?? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 You're 28 and you still use the word 'cuz'....? I really thought as I began to read your post, that you'd be about 18.... And therein lies the problem. You need to be mature about this and rise above it. Mistakes happen. The worst thing about stuff like this, is that people don't let it go. Put things into perspective. A death brought you guys together again, and now your friend is getting married. Two big events. so be big about it. Drop it, and move on. 3 years is nothing..... your friendship goes back further than that. You won't get closure from anyone else from this, apart from yourself. If the book needs closing, you have to close it. Focus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author christine07 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 You're 28 and you still use the word 'cuz'....? I really thought as I began to read your post, that you'd be about 18.... And therein lies the problem. You need to be mature about this and rise above it. Mistakes happen. The worst thing about stuff like this, is that people don't let it go. Put things into perspective. A death brought you guys together again, and now your friend is getting married. Two big events. so be big about it. Drop it, and move on. 3 years is nothing..... your friendship goes back further than that. You won't get closure from anyone else from this, apart from yourself. If the book needs closing, you have to close it. Focus. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was a formal Forum where I fully have to spell out because. Sorry if fully trying to write out 10 years of my life as quickly and shortly as possible so people won't get bored reading isn't up to your standards. If that is the only advice you can offer then please don't even comment. Yes, Thank you for saying I need to be mature about it, since I can take lessons from someone who demeans people on spelling errors on advice forums. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 You're lucky you got me. Some others would have ripped you a new one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author christine07 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 I'm not saying your advice was bad, but when you start with a negative it doesn't make the OP feel good after the get the courage to even ask or post in a public forum. Ya, fine. Maybe it's immaturity, but I've had to deal with being cheated on, an emotionally abusive relationship, losing friends, and death, and you have the moxy to call me immature when asking for help? I said I never got closure, I never said I was perfect with dealing with it, and I don't know anyone who has had to deal with a close friend dating their EX's brother. So if anyone has dealt with this your advice would be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 This situation is rare and unusual. There are many complex threads to it, and they all factor into one problem, and one only: Keep carrying it, or let it drop? What good has it done you to keep harbouring these negatibve feelings towards this guy? The bottom line is - he's a jerk. He's shallow and a cheat. And he cheated on his GF - with you. So you played into that, and that's another mistake you have to 'put to bed'. Part of your resentment is that you also behaved badly, and you're partially mad at yourself for that.... But the only way - The Only Way - to get past all this crap, is to understand that what's done can't be undone. It's there, but it's history. And honestly, trite and superficial as it sounds - 'dropping it and moving on' really IS your only choice. Read your first post as if you were a complete stranger reading someone else's post: What other advice could you possibly give, that wouldn't prolong or expand the problem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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