Growing Apart from my best friend

[jello2610]

It's a very long story but I will try to abbreviate it.

I am senior in college and met two best friends freshman year Lea and Rose. However, I was always closer to Rose and this caused a lot of friction with Lea. Sophomore year we all lived together but Rose and I had a falling out because she never put any effort into our friendship. Since then me and Lea have been best friends on our own and roommates for the past two years. Apart from a few tiffs we have a very strong friendship. However Lea and I have different styles of dealing with conflict. I hate conflict and get over things easily. Lea also hates conflict but holds onto grudges and then explodes. This is where the trouble begins...

One night Lea offered me some of her onion soup, I said sure but never thanked her for the soup. I'm not sure why I didn't... obviously it was very rude of me. To break the ice I texted lea and she asked why I didn't thank her for the soup. I said I don't know why but it was so rude of me! Thank you! I thought that was the end of it but here comes the grudges. Apparently Lea had other bones to pick with me... however I thought everything was fine! I asked Lea why don't we talk about this face to face? She said because she didn't want to make a big deal of things. I told Lea to write me a letter and either read it to me or give it me. What the hell was I thinking. She wrote me a letter. It was a letter filled with love and loathe. She hates how I don't compliment her, make her feel special, say thank you to her. But she loves me and obviously craves my attention. I wasn't sure how to respond because they way she characterized me in the letter did not match who I think I am. I was deeply hurt although I really didn't know how much yet... I wrote a letter of my own but deleted it. I decided to talk to her about it the next day. I told her the letter had hurt me and that I would promise to pay more attention to my actions towards her but she had to promise not to hold grudges. We hugged and made up and then exchanged xmas gifts. But unfortunately the letter is still on my mind. It seems this one can't be swept under the rug... In the letter she says she always compliments me but I never compliment her back and it's true. The day after we made up she complimented my outfit and I knew I should compliment her right back but I couldn't. That's when I knew I was holding on to resentment about the letter. I also realize that maybe my behavior towards her stems from the fact that we have grown apart and I am just not as interested in the friendship as i used to be. Lea was my everything, my only friend! But it's not this way anymore. Maybe I don't need her. But we are stuck together because we are roommates. Although everything is "fine" between us , things are not the same. Conversations are forced and silence fills the air. What's strange is I too wrote a letter years ago to Rose to try to save our friendship. What I wouldn't give to read it now. I wonder if by trying to save the friendship, I actually destroyed it. This letter has opened up a lot of bandaids.... Not sure how to proceed.