BornToDie Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 My so-called best friend has been very close to me, almost like a sister, this entire year. Before now, we've never fought and spent every day laughing together. She's been my confidant and crying shoulder through the roughest time in my life. There was a guy friend she was trying to date during the summer, and when she cried over him every day, I was always there. Finally, in August, they started dating, and I was so happy for her. She started going to the same university as I do (45 minutes from home), and she moved into the apartment beneath me. She, her roommate, and I became best friends. Slowly but surely, she spent more and more time with the boyfriend. I was fine with it and happy for her. I realize there's a honeymoon phase, etc., but after a month or two, they were talking about marriage and kids. Every girl outing we had, she had to bring the boyfriend along. She started spending less time in the apartment and more time at home spending every night at her boyfriend's apartment (and she still does). Each time I tried to text her about my feelings, she read the messages (iMessage) and ignored them. As a side note, she does have lupus and diabetes, so I do realize she's constantly sick. However, it doesn't make sense to me that she posts pictures of herself with perfect hair and makeup while she's with the boyfriend. Eventually, she stopped coming to her classes altogether, claiming she's "too sick" to go. I never asked questions and assumed she'd come back eventually, but she hasn't. She and I had made plans to go to a concert last week since July. In fact, I bought her ticket. Last week, I asked her 3 different times if she was going. She ignored every question. Thinking I did something wrong, I said, "Okay, I don't care about the concert anymore. If I did something to make you ignore me, please tell me. I feel like I've been a good friend, and you mean a lot to me. You don't know how much this hurts me." She read and ignored the message. Being very upset, I texted her once more and said, "Okay, I'm in tears now. Please let me know what's going on because friends don't treat each other this way. Does my friendship not mean anything anymore?" She read and ignored this message as well. She will have to come back for exams next week, so she will have to see me eventually. I've stayed off all of my social networking because I know seeing her posting things will only hurt more. I sound dramatic, but I've never had a friendship like hers before. I just can't understand how she can read these messages and see how upset I am and completely ignore me while she spends every day stuck up her boyfriend's butt. I have a boyfriend of my own and am not jealous at all. I've even balanced the time between the two. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 I'm so sorry you're going through that. Your friend was very rude to ignore your attempts to communicate with her, and she was very careless with your feelings. I'm guessing you're college-aged---I'm middle-aged, and the sad, hard truth is that there are a lot of women who will go *poof* as soon as a man enters their life. Even with long-term friends. It's a bad mistake on her part--she may find herself all alone, if things ever go south with the new guy. (I was guilty of doing the same thing in my early 20's--I built my life around my bf's social circle. When we split up 3 years later, I had to start from scratch. I've since learned to make it a point to keep old, loyal friends in my life....) I think you're going to have to cut your losses with this one, and grieve the end of the friendship--she's already demonstrated with her actions (AND non-actions) that she doesn't place a high value on the friendship. Nor is she capable of acknowledging your hurt feelings. My guess, is that it makes her feel too guilty to face you, so she avoids instead. BTW--that has nothing to do with your worth as a person--it's about her. She may suddenly wake up & see the hurt she's caused--but that's up to her. In the meantime---you may be better off finding a new friendship to invest your emotional energy into. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JJ72 Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 Now you know what type of person she really is. Turned out she wasn't much of a friend after all. I wouldn't take her back if she came begging, because you know she could easily do this to you again. I say cut your losses and move on. Easier said than done, but it's your best move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BornToDie Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 Thanks for the advice. Last night, she posted on my new Facebook picture, "You look beautiful." I'm assuming she still does want to be around, but she doesn't want to face the way she's treated me. For example, today was my deceased mom's first birthday since she's been gone, and knowing it, my "friend" hasn't said one word of comfort to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Trixis4kidz Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 This is quite laughable, because it sounds like you've only been friends with her for one year. At least that's kind of what you said. In any case, being a TRUE friend means being unselfish. It's not about what she is doing for you, more of what are you doing for her. And guess what, that may mean letting her go to do things she wants to do. Is she happy? That's really all that matters. If you are truly her friend, then let her be happy - doing what SHE wants to do. Not what you want her to do. When or if she's ready to come back and be a part of your life, then you can either continue or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BornToDie Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 aliya87khan, I'm not sure if you misunderstood, but I am a girl, and she doesn't talk to any guys when she goes to school. She just hangs out with us. We've only really been friends for a whole year or so, but we knew each other all throughout high school, so it's not like I'm unfamiliar with her. Trixis4kidz, you make a good point, but I've been supportive this whole time. However, I feel there's a difference between her spending time with the BF and talking to me from afar as compared to what she's doing right now: ignoring every message I send her, especially when I'm going through a rough time and need her the most. Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 This is quite laughable, because it sounds like you've only been friends with her for one year. At least that's kind of what you said. In any case, being a TRUE friend means being unselfish. It's not about what she is doing for you, more of what are you doing for her.. So which friend is supposed to be unselfish? Isn't rather selfish to not return a call/text regarding plans made well in advance? (regarding the concert) We're talking about fundamental common courtesy here. How long does it take to send a text saying, "yes" or "no"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trixis4kidz Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Both friends are supposed to be unselfish. Yes, not indicating to someone that you've changed plans and are now doing something else or ignoring someone is rude, however it's not selfish. These are two different things. I think everyone here can agree that the friend is rude and inconsiderate. Some people are just like that, I'd be willing to bet that even in the good times, she exhibited similar behavior. Not to get technical but selfishness is all about self-interest. The OP is hurt because her friend is not serving her interest, in terms of being there for her, etc. You can't have a friend based on what they do for you. Let her do her thing and it is your choice if you want to be a friend to someone that is rude and inconsiderate. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Thanks for the advice. Last night, she posted on my new Facebook picture, "You look beautiful." I'm assuming she still does want to be around, but she doesn't want to face the way she's treated me. For example, today was my deceased mom's first birthday since she's been gone, and knowing it, my "friend" hasn't said one word of comfort to me. When you see her, don't approach her or speak to her. If she wants to come talk to you, she will but don't you make that first effort/step..That's on her to do. Just listen to what she has to say if she makes an effort..Remember, you're not obligated to forgive her or even speak back to her. She has been cruel and not a friend to you and I'm sorry she's done that. Her loss, not yours, though I know it hurts. Hugs to you and sorry for the loss of your mom. 1st year is rough, I've been there.. Link to post Share on other sites
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