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Would you go to this wedding?


SpiralOut

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So I have this buddy. I used to consider him a friend, but not so much anymore. He's just a buddy or aquaintance now. He has invited me to his wedding and I don't know if I want to go.

 

A bit of background info: when we first met like 6 years ago, he took me into his social circle. I never truly felt like I was a big part of it, more like on the fringe of it, but he included me in stuff. He is a really nice, including type of person. He told people he considered me a good friend but I never felt that sort of closeness back with him, probably because he had a bad habit of interrupting conversations with me in order to answer his phone (he did this regularily) and just other little things that made me feel he didn't value me.

 

I moved in with his girlfriend (he is broken up with her now). She controlled him. I didn't realize how much so until I lived with her and saw how she was. I ended up not liking her. We did not get along - I think it was because she picked up on my dislike of her. She wanted to be friends but she was super insecure, interpreting every damn thing I said as an insult, and just, other things about her really annoyed me. She also had this habit, where if she didn't like one of her bf (my buddy's) female friends, suddenly that person wouldn't be invited to stuff anymore. She also deliberately sabotaged plans that he and I made together, like he was supposed to help me with my resume one day at lunch but she butted into it and convinced him to eat lunch with her instead and he went along with it and was like oh yeah um sorry. What the hell? Grow some balls! We moved out. I thought that my buddy would stay friends with me but all of a sudden I didn't hear anything from him anymore. It really hurt me that he would let some crazy girl control who he stays friends with, but whatever.

 

Anyway, I bumped into the buddy later on. He had broken up with the gf. He wanted us to hang out again. He invited me to a few events actually but I didn't go to any of them as they were always out-of-town things that didn't work for me because I have no car and I didn't feel close enough to the group to travel with them and sleep over there. There was a new years thing I was planning to go to that was actually IN town, but there was a bus strike so I had no way to go there. After I didn't show up to that he stopped extending invitations which I guess I don't blame him for. I am partially responsible for us drifting apart.

 

I stayed friends with one of our mutual friends. The three of us used to hang out. Whenever we tried to arrange the three of us hanging out it never ever worked out, because of the buddy being incapable of making or keeping plans with us. Basically the buddy only wanted to hang out if he was already doing something and he could just conviently invite me to go. I felt like he didn't think too much about the convenience of things for me, whereas whenever I tried to plan things I would ask him what days would work for him, where would he like to go, etc etc. He didn't respond to those questions, but would keep saying he wanted to hang out. It made no sense.

 

He got engaged. I met his fiance ONCE. This was after they had been dating for a YEAR. I only saw him because I got back in touch with a friend who invited both of us to the same event. He said we should all get together soon. Since then I have attempted to do that, even sent him a message, which he did not respond to. He only messaged back to ask me about my address for the wedding invitation.

 

I got a "save the date" and find out the wedding is in a county about 2 hours away. I don't have a car. To get there I would have to carpool with people, and I may not be able to get back the same night. Taking a taxi would be really expensive. There are places to stay the night but I don't want to stay the night. I know most of the people in his group but I am not really a part of the group anymore. I don't feel close to anyone. The one friend we have in common, I don't even really talk to anymore although we ARE still on good terms.

 

I am unsure of what to do. I was planning to go, just because we WERE friends for a while but this is extremely inconvenient for me. I don't make a lot of money. I would have to either rent a room or pay for an expensive cab to get back home after the ceremony. I don't have a boyfriend, so I don't have a +1, and don't feel close enough to anyone going to share the cost of a room or any of that with. I wouldn't even know many people there. And I feel like we aren't even friends anymore. He couldn't even respond to my message asking if people would like to get together (and he's the one who said he wanted to!!).

 

Would it be rude of me to not go? If I felt closer to him I would find a way to make it but this seems like a lot of extra effort for someone who doesn't care too much about me.

Edited by SpiralOut
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Don't go.

 

What you can do though is, find out where they've registered and buy a gift. This way it'll show him that you're thinking of him and his wedding day but aren't able to make it to their special day.

 

You two aren't close friends anymore, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

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Okay thanks. I really don't want to go! I just didn't want him to think that I didn't give a damn at all, because I do wish them well, just not enough to do all of that for them. I'll send him a message asking about the gift registry.

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Nope, its not rude to not go. You can always buy a gift and send it, but dont waste your time traveling to his wedding.

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