avon20 Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 A friend of mine who has considered me his best friend over the last 10 years is getting married next month. He asked me to be his best man at the wedding. I told him I would think about it. I really don't want to take that position. I do not want to wear a suit and stand up in front of people. If you asked one of your friends to be your best man at your wedding and they said no would that be a dealbreaker for you to end the friendship? I am already prepared to lose the friendship over this if that's what he decides to do if I say no. Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 I do not see how it is an honor for me to be asked to do something that entails alot of responsibility on my part. I wish he would have asked someone else. Quite frankly I do not want to attend the wedding at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 I would vote for you to be honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel and why you feel that way, with no offence to the friendship you guys have or to him. I tried to think of what some of my friends would do in your position and I think some would actually make up excuses to say they cannot attend the wedding for some reason and that solves the issue. However, this would be a lie and I'm not in support of this but putting this out there if you're desperate to get out of this. But he's your best friend. 10 years. Why wouldn't you do this for him? It's just one day, no? Is it just something you are against of? If so, I suggest you talk to him personally and as a best friend, he should be able to understand your position and why you would be uncomfortable (or maybe not but I'm not sure what your issue is) being the best man. Link to post Share on other sites
Mer-Maid Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 If you truly couldn't stand in front of a crowd because of a mental or emotional illness, then I would understand, but the fact that you just don't want to do it because you don't want to put the effort out . . . do you even know the definition of friendship? If you wanted a favor of some kind from him, how would you feel if he didn't want to do it because he didn't want to put out the effort? Since you would rather put your comfort ahead of the relationship and his feelings, and are prepared for your friendship to be ended over this, it's obvious you aren't his friend anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 If you truly couldn't stand in front of a crowd because of a mental or emotional illness, then I would understand, but the fact that you just don't want to do it because you don't want to put the effort out . . . do you even know the definition of friendship? If you wanted a favor of some kind from him, how would you feel if he didn't want to do it because he didn't want to put out the effort? Since you would rather put your comfort ahead of the relationship and his feelings, and are prepared for your friendship to be ended over this, it's obvious you aren't his friend anyway. First of all I have studied my friend for the last 10 years so I know him well enough to not even bother to ask for certain favors when I know he will likely feel uncomfortable doing them. Part of a true friendship in my opinion is knowing what makes your friend uncomfortable and therefore not putting any pressure on him to do something that he does not want to do. That is a true friend to me. So he is probably not the only one re-evaluating our friendship. I am doing the same and moving on to new friends who would know me well enough that they would not ask me to do something that I am not comfortable doing. I want my friends to be comfortable and I expect the same in return. Link to post Share on other sites
Trixis4kidz Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Yes, it would be a dealbreaker in MY friendship to answer the question. That being said, you should not do anything or feel compelled to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to be his best man or even go to the wedding, what's wrong with being straight up with him and telling him so. Be a man and let the chips fall where they may. If you lose him then so be it. It's not the end of the world to lose a friend. Obviously you don't value the relationship with him that much or otherwise you would step outside your comfort zone on HIS day. Link to post Share on other sites
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