Jump to content

Friend is always busy


radishes

Recommended Posts

I have this friend that I've been having a little bit of a problem with lately. So we used to talk and spend a lot of time together, but we stopped because I started dating my ex a while ago. He also said he didn't want to be in the way. So we didn't really hang out for 6 months. Now that me and my ex have parted ways, I've been trying to catch up and renew my old friendships because when I was in the relationship, it was hard for me to also keep up with my friends. Anyways we hung out once a couple of weeks ago, and now whenever I invite him to hang out, he's always busy like there's a party to go to, or homework to do. Even when he does invite me to do something he tells me that there's only this much time where he is available. I feel like I've been putting in a lot of effort to do something together, but he keeps turning me down. I've also called him 'buddy' to make sure that there wasn't a misunderstanding. But I'm starting to feel like its getting a little tiring, and the only reason why I care was because I valued his friendship. Why do you think he's doing that and should this even matter.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Whose idea was it for you two to stop talking while you were dating your ex? What was the other reason he gave you besides not wanting to be in the way?

 

I wonder if he wants to feel like he's not being taken for granted.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Whose idea was it for you two to stop talking while you were dating your ex? What was the other reason he gave you besides not wanting to be in the way?

 

I wonder if he wants to feel like he's not being taken for granted.

 

It was a while ago, but I think it was his. I mean I still tried a couple of times to invite him over and stuff, but he just didn't seem as willing anymore. He didn't really give me any other reason, we just all of sudden wasn't as close as we were before. I used to go over to his place a lot and we'd stay up and talk until really late, and we'd go places with some of our friends, and we would watch movies together, get coffee together, and we would be fine just hanging out with each other. And then I guess it couldn't be like that anymore because I started dating my ex again.

 

I didn't want him to feel that way either, so I've been trying to put a lot of effort in. And asking him if he had time to hang out, or talk, or if he wanted to get some coffee. And I think he felt bad for turning me down... so he asked me to go to the movies, and then added my friend too but then said he only had a little bit of time during the day. I just can't believe that he doesn't have time to spend with a friend.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

And additionally, I feel like I've always told him we were friends. And we addressed each other in a familial platonic way. Unless he has some feelings unknown to me.

 

And the thing was, when we did hang out that one or two times, he seemed perfectly comfortable. He opened up and talked to me about the things he felt recently, he actually sang while he played guitar this time, which he has never done before (at least in front of me), and he seemed generally happy.

Edited by radishes
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
There is a good possibility that he has feelings for you. That's what it sounds like to me, anyway

 

Yeah but I figured if you liked somebody, you would want to talk with them as much as you could, or at least wanted to see them every once in awhile, or want to do something with them just by yourself. We just used to be really friendly with each other, texting alot, and teasing me. Now its short, to the point and that's pretty much it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think Spiral's right.

 

If I'm correct in assuming that you're a woman, and he's a male---

 

It's quite possible that he's simply been orbiting around you waiting for a chance with you.

 

It may have been too painful to see you with another guy, so he made himself scarce, and began to detach emotionally.

 

Now that you're single again--he might not want to get his hopes up again, so he's being aloof.

 

My opinion on opposite sex friendships is that it's very rare that they're TRULY platonic on both sides--more often than not, one person is hovering, waiting, & hoping. So when one person gets involved romantically with someone else--the dynamic will change.

 

When I look back at a lot of the male friends I had in my twenties--I realize that at least half of them were just orbiting. When I'd start dating someone, and wanted my new guy to meet my friends, the friends weren't supportive of it..........Now I know that's a red flag.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I think Spiral's right.

 

If I'm correct in assuming that you're a woman, and he's a male---

 

It's quite possible that he's simply been orbiting around you waiting for a chance with you.

 

It may have been too painful to see you with another guy, so he made himself scarce, and began to detach emotionally.

 

Now that you're single again--he might not want to get his hopes up again, so he's being aloof.

 

My opinion on opposite sex friendships is that it's very rare that they're TRULY platonic on both sides--more often than not, one person is hovering, waiting, & hoping. So when one person gets involved romantically with someone else--the dynamic will change.

 

When I look back at a lot of the male friends I had in my twenties--I realize that at least half of them were just orbiting. When I'd start dating someone, and wanted my new guy to meet my friends, the friends weren't supportive of it..........Now I know that's a red flag.

 

How would I go about addressing it if I would like it to be different? I don't mind dating him, just not now, because I just got out of my previous relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
How would I go about addressing it if I would like it to be different? I don't mind dating him, just not now, because I just got out of my previous relationship.

 

Well--first of all--make sure that you really want to date him, and you're not in rebound mode. (it does happen)

 

Make sure you've processed all of the baggage from the previous relationship.

 

Then let him know how you feel.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Well--first of all--make sure that you really want to date him, and you're not in rebound mode. (it does happen)

 

Make sure you've processed all of the baggage from the previous relationship.

 

Then let him know how you feel.

 

yeah i got that part. So should I still ask him to hang out. Since I'm getting turned down so much I feel like I'm being annoying. But its normal right, to try to make plans...and he also said for some reason he felt more inclined to spend more time by himself

Edited by radishes
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...