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Why are "friends" so inconsiderate?


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Old 19th October 2012, 9:11 AM   #1
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Angry Why are "friends" so inconsiderate?

Long, rant, summed up below, not taking complaints about incoherence or lengthiness

Yesterday I posted a long status update to Facebook in both English and Hebrew, that I'm hopelessly exhausted and tired and have no energy to deal with peoples' problems, play social worker, and submit myself to the stress of running for the ringing phone and pressing it to my ear until it literally hurts, and pretend to be into talking about their bull**** right now or pretend to enjoy the "Aha... aha...yeah..." smalltalk, and leaving the only food I was going to have all day, to burn.

I explained very clearly that this kind of pressure is bad for me, that it causes me literal, physical suffering such as stress-induced coughing fits, tight feeling in the chest, feeling hot, etc. and that I need rest and time for myself.

I have mentioned many times throughout the years that I suffer from behaviorisms resembling ADHD and OCD, meaning I need my me-time, my me-space, my me-order, my me-priorities, my me-tablemustntwobble, my bubble and my own pace at all I do; that I can be a severe introvert and a loner and despite sharing my thoughts and photos all the time and enjoying interaction that allows for me to bail whenever I need, I need a lot of space and do horribly under pressure or with expectations (duh, I'm intelligent above average, got a huge CV, and still chose to be an overpaid from-home button pusher, that should be a huge-ass hint???). I try to live the life of a simpleton, because I can't deal with people relying on me unless I signed up for it knowingly and stricltly!!! limited to my chosen task.

I explained that I have 6 cats, an incontinent dog and a problematic apartment to deal with aside from a full-time job - unlike some of them - and my own, serious problems that only don't seem serious to them because whenever they call (after I told them nicely that I don't like talking on the phone) it's about them.
Mind you, I never, ever call people unless it's absolutely necessary, like emergency services or for doctors appointments. They know that. They will not find a single call from me logged on their phones. I love them, but I don't like any form of communication other than face-to-face or alert-free (or silent by default) to-the-point messages I get to process in my own time.

I told them that selfish expectations, expressed loudly and invasively by choosing means of communications that generally come with a repeating alert sound, like my sitting by the phone waiting to help them, cause me stress; demands such as sending me a text message after I "missed" (make that "ignored") a call to tell me I was probably having sex if I didn't answer the phone - oh really, so you're that important that I need a reason to want my peace and quiet? - drive me into a corner, I can't take being expected to be available ****ing 24/7 and actually be thrilled about it; I can't take being expected to deliver explanations or justifications as to why I don't always answer. None of them is my legal guardian, none of them has a right to demand I explain myself to them.

I'm suffocating with cleaning up after my pets, taking care of an apartment that has only problems, finding a husband since I'm too old to wait for "Mr. Right", taking care of my many health issues everyone KNOWS about, etc. so how dare they think that in the few hours I'm not invested in my full-time job or my other obligations, I'm "on call" to have them chew my ear off speaking not nearly clearly enough for me to understand everything immediately, and thus, prolonging the conversation through necessary repetition.

I was raised on the principle that if you want something, you do most of the work to get it yourself, and only ask for help when out of options and still guaranteed to do most of it yourself. Meaning that if you want to talk to me, you get in your car after making sure it's convenient for me, pick me up, and take me to a coffee shop. You do not demand I run out of the shower to pick up the phone. Just as when I want to talk to someone, I send them a non-intrusive message, such as a private Facebook message, asking them if or when they have some time. I don't just take the phone and make theirs ring until voice mail sets in. Unlike them, I keep in mind that people have lives and may not wish to be disturbed at an hour where normal people are working, eating, sleeping, or tending to young children.

I'm so exhausted I can't even deal with my cats head-bumping me anymore without screaming at them; I love them so much and I don't want to hurt their feelings when they try to cuddle and I chase them away but I feel so harassed with every little thing, that's how exhausted I am; I feel cornered and every contact initiation from selfish people who think I'm literally there for their bull****, literally makes me hyperventilate with stress and I posted this yesterday on Facebook, expecting true friends to understand this, even though I can't believe I actually have to be tormented into a place where I have to explain myself. But since this morning, I've been getting alerts again, "Please like my page", "What's up", "Hi... hi... hi.. you busy? Helloooooo?"

Why doesn't it occur to people who call themselves friends, that if I don't call back or don't answer a text within 30 minutes, that I may be doing so on purpose and wish to be left alone? Why do I have to be crying and forced to express myself in a hurtful manner for people to get enough of a hint to leave me alone until sunrise, and then start harassing me AGAIN? Why can they not just type up an email with whatever they want to talk about, and, like any considerate and respectful person, wait for me to reply at my own pace? I am an amazing friend, I rarely say no, but I never ever did anything to suggest I enjoy talking on the phone for like 15 minutes or even longer, when I said in the beginning of the call that I'm preparing dinner, which is a very clear hint that I cannot concentrate on idiotic "Come again? What? Can you speak up?". But they rather I see my pricey food burn, than deprive me of the wonderful privilege of listening to their marriage problems that I cannot help them with.


Then this one girl, I enjoy hanging out with her, but she's so rude. Everyone knows I post everything to Facebook, doesn't mean I sign away my rights to proceed to doing the opposite of what I posted on MY personal profile. So one night around 1 am I posted "Can't sleep", and she told me to come over. Nothing wrong with that really, but then it went sour: I told her I'm tired and I'm only up to exhaust myself and become sleepy and then go back to bed. She gave a huffy reply, and when, two or three hours later, I was still updating Facebook, she told me to go **** myself, as if I have the obligation to keep her company just because neither of us can sleep; I told her I had a hard week and have to work the next morning and cannot afford sleep deprivation and only want to get sleepy, which cannot be accomplished through visiting people, which includes fresh air that does the opposite of tiring me. Why did I have to explain myself to her at all? Can I not just burn time at home? Why do I have to want to see people all the time just because I like them? I don't know about some of them, but people who actually work, don't enjoy the thought of pulling an all-nighter in the middle of the week; they are normally terrified of being sleepless, and certainly not eager to stay awake and exhaust themselves in a place even less fit for falling asleep.

And as for the talking ****, well they want me to care, but a few days ago I posted a request to refer me to a dermatologist three times that day and no one answered; one person pointlessly hit Like???? Whenever I try to talk about what bothers me, people ignore it or act like it's not so bad, but I'm supposed to be ready and available for marriage counselling???? When I ask for help, it's usually an emergency, so it happens rarely and when it does, it's important to me, and demands little effort of them (or I pay them).

The reason I even posted that status last night to be left alone, was because I value those people enough to warn them that they need to back off if they don't want me to feel pressured, disrespected and cornered by them which would result in my cutting contact altogether. They know how sensitive I am, they just don't seem to give a crap.

Last night, before posting that, I was sitting with the select few - 2 - friends I can currently suffer, around a table outside and enjoying myself because those people know how to keep it light and free of expectations. Four people started phone-harassing me and then when I ignored the call, sending texts asking for explanations or making uneducated assumptions as to why I'm not answering. Excuse me, it was late, for one, and two, I am not the kind of person who is sitting with wonderful people face-to-face, flirting, having a beer, laughing, only to "socialize" with others on my Smartphone. That is not me. I did not spend almost all day getting to where I was currently enjoying myself, only to cut short my quality time and talk on the phone with people who can reach me by ****ing email.
And one of them was even from the same small town where I was currently flirting with the guy I was sitting with; and I could not possibly tell him I'm near his place when he wants me, while I am trying to seduce someone else. But I also don`t like lying, so what can I do? I cannot lie to myself by sending a text at a time when I don't want to use the phone; I do not wish to lie to him by telling him I'm not currently with my crush, when it's the caller who has left hickeys and bruises on me the night before. So there was no way at all I could have answered any of these people without violating my rules of no lying, no wasting quality time, no giving in to pressure.

And before, I spend the afternoon at a friend's house with another friend; she and I were supposed to be at my crush's place at 5 and then this guy we were staying at, decided to go out for "10 minutes" to pick someone up, and came back an hour later, only to delay us 2 more hours by engaging us in pointless chatter with his brought-in friend's baby daughter.
I left work early because I agreed to plans as they had been made, not to be delayed by listening to the squeals of 4 people dumbing themselves down to a 2-year-old's speech pattern, and then only spend little time where I had initially been supposed to spend most of it. I'm not inflexible; I just find it rude to be sat down for several hours more than expected and be caught between the very loud and incoherent talking of several people in a small room with nothing to kill time with. Since it would have been rude to just get up and leave, or to speak up and frighten the child, I gave the adults in the room very clear hints that my patience was running thin, by displaying "autistic" behavior such as angrily fixing a point in front of me, making repetitive motions on my Smartphone, sighing loudly, and saying the time out loud. But no, listening to a 2-year-old's accounts of kindergarten dancing, was totally worth burning 2 hours apparently. When we arrived at my crush's place, he was understandably grumpy with us, and I was caught in the middle of him and my friend arguing over who got to make a face and who didn't. Obviously I sided with him because like me, he left work early in hopes to enjoy time with us. I didn't have his number, but my friend never bothered to call him to tell him that our other friend was delaying us. Then she was angry at him for making a face about that, and the only reason I didn't join him in looking angry, was because I was busy enjoying his wonderful presence and trying to cheer him up.

Seriously, why do I seem to be the only one who uses their brains before initiating contact? Why do some people think that others have to be available all the time, bend to changes of plans at will, and be totally eager to drop all they're doing, for insignificant small-talk? I find such expectations unreasonable and inconsiderate, does that make me weird?
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Old 19th October 2012, 9:38 AM   #2
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Oh PomPom......

I can relate all to well to the small talking, frivolous, carefree, small minded conversations with one friend that I have had for over 20 years.

She has no problems at ALL in the world, she is rich, beautiful, a great husband, 2 successful daughters, 2 homes and so on...but all she does is stir up BULLSHYTE constantly because she is a BORED woman. She rambles on incessantly about her life, (I am poorer than a church mouse) and have had an extremely sad life and I am SO TIRED of hearing her talk about nothing. I have now after all these years said ENUFF. I am so sick and tired of hearing her voice... when I see her name come thru my phone I feel the need to have a "Drink". So now, I DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE!

Like you, I also love my alone time, it's a need that I have come to depend on and look forward to.

People can be very Narcissistic when it comes to themselves. You just have to TURN THE WORLD OFF and do what is BEST FOR YOU! I have, and I feel so much better for doing it.
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Old 19th October 2012, 11:26 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Lostinlife4now View Post
Oh PomPom......

I can relate all to well to the small talking, frivolous, carefree, small minded conversations with one friend that I have had for over 20 years.

She has no problems at ALL in the world, she is rich, beautiful, a great husband, 2 successful daughters, 2 homes and so on...but all she does is stir up BULLSHYTE constantly because she is a BORED woman. She rambles on incessantly about her life, (I am poorer than a church mouse) and have had an extremely sad life and I am SO TIRED of hearing her talk about nothing. I have now after all these years said ENUFF. I am so sick and tired of hearing her voice... when I see her name come thru my phone I feel the need to have a "Drink". So now, I DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE!

Like you, I also love my alone time, it's a need that I have come to depend on and look forward to.

People can be very Narcissistic when it comes to themselves. You just have to TURN THE WORLD OFF and do what is BEST FOR YOU! I have, and I feel so much better for doing it.
Finally someone who understands!
And it's not even that their problems are imaginary; it's just... what can I do? I've heard it once, tried to give some advice, been a good listener, but telling me three more times won't solve squat. And that is why I love Facebook; you can just post whatever is on your mind, and people can choose when and if to respond. A ringing phone has this sense of urgency and demand, and that's the two magic words to chase me up a palm tree and never come down again unless with a noose around my neck.
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Old 19th October 2012, 11:38 AM   #4
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Ever read that silly novel, "The Celestine Prophecy?"

People, even friends, can be major drains. I try my best to limit those relationships for absolute musts- like Family etc.. If you're a friend, you better not complicate my life too much.
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Old 21st October 2012, 10:08 PM   #5
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I do experience same thing too. Sometimes we can't rely all things to our friends.
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Old 21st October 2012, 10:48 PM   #6
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Pom Pom, I see too many women like you that complain about their friends actions. You cant control them, but you can establish your boundaries, and not expect them to read your mind. If you get anxious when the phone rings, then you need to tell your friends from the get go that if you dont answer the phone that either you dont want to talk right then, or you are busy. or you need to find new friends. And if you house 6 cats and an incontinent dog, well, frankly, you chose to harbor all these animals, you shouldnt be complaining about that at all. You should be used to it, and it shouldnt be a struggle. If it is that bad, send some of those cats to other families.

If your friends call you and its always about them, and they never listen to you, either youre not interesting enough to them, or they are bad friends. So as well as shopping for a man, shop for new friends, and establish your boundaries with them next time, unless you enjoy creating this unnecessary drama.
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Old 22nd October 2012, 7:31 AM   #7
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Why shouldn't it be a struggle because it's a choice? A choice can still be a struggle. Children are also a choice, but parenting can be a struggle.

Also, just because I made that choice, doesn't mean that others don't need to be considerate of it when they want something from ME and when they want to be my friends with me - nobody can honestly say that they didn't know of my many much loved pets from the first day that they met me. One of my friends has a young child and I would never expect her to spontaneously have the time, money and energy to join me on a weekend to the Red Sea; it's just logical to take peoples' circumstances into account when asking for their time.
Just as you wouldn't bother a mother of 7 with your "Boohoo I'm so bored, my boyfriend is a jerk while I only cheated on him twice this week and if he hadn't done my laundry, he wouldn't have found out, it's his fault anyways because his parents don't like me", why would you bother someone mothering just as many animals? Whatever the object of my hard work, be it children, animals, or other peoples' pet alcoholics, the result is that I have a lot of obligations. Whatever the details, obligations are obligations and I should be able to expect friends to be considerate of mine just as I am of theirs.
And I'm not going to abandon the pets that I love, just so I can make time to pick up incessantly ringing phones and listen to "Boohoo I have no money for fun stuff because I'm unemployed because **** the system, education is for fartists, let's blame Netanyahu". My pets aren't toys for my personal entertainment, they have grown on me like cancers and while it does tire me sometimes, I gladly care for them. But when I'm tired, I'm tired and that is valid and legit.

Unlike my friends, most of whom are what I call "Resignees of Life", people with a "**** it, why bother" beer-and-metal attitude, who'll just dismiss my worries as something that can be solved with loud music and trash-talking whatever or whoever caused my grief, my cats actually care. You may think I'm imagining it, but I have one tom who usually only bites me, HARD. But when I'm sad or crying, he jumps on my lap, smears his wet nose across my face and gives me kisses and a belly massage until I'm feeling better. Even my brother needs our dad to order him to go and check on me when I'm miserable, no human has ever knocked on my door to come and comfort me - they may if I begged.

I told some of them that I hate talking on the phone BEFORE they started harassing me. Once my landlord was in my neck and I was too stressed from him keeping the phone ring for the entire possible length, that I asked my friend to send a text and say I forgot my phone at her place; I explained to her that I hate talking on the phone, especially with people whose talks are lengthy (such as hers, which I didn't say). She said she'd noticed. And then she still calls me, often actually saying it's just to kill time. I mean, really?

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, I care about them, and when they talk, I do listen and try to help. I just think they could take and act by strong hints to back off.
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Old 24th October 2012, 3:01 PM   #8
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The one whom I've previously told I hated talking on the phone, let it ring today a million times, then an SMS asking why I'm ignoring her - maybe because I've previously stated a hundred times that I need quiet? - and another (among 5 more) telling me "Okay, so please talk to me". WTF? I'm really sorry she's going through a hard time and that apparently I'm the only one she has, but seriously?? This was today:
-work at a painfully uncomfortable desk
-take my dog to one vet and try to catch her piss without getting any on me
-take my cat to another vet, get an ugly quote for a necessary surgery
-go shopping for funiture
-lug that furniture on my shoulder to the cab and from the front gate to the 2nd floor, we're talking 80 lbs here.
...and I'm supposed to be totally into responding friendly and enthusiastically to an obtrusively ringing phone? Are you ****ing kidding me? So she's got a 2-year-old and a useless husband, jobs are rotated and part-time, but excuse me, I am the one literally in tears with exhaustion, she more or less knows, so what the ****? Seriously?? I am SO exhausted that I've actually considered staging a suicide attempt or an accident so I can have my ass wiped at the hospital, THAT Is how exhausted I am and if you knew how huge my pride and dignity thing were, you'd know I'd normally choose a slow and agonizing death over being nursed. Seriously if her problems, or anyone's problems, are more serious than that, I suggest those 3 digit emergency services.
**** I'm insanely itching with a yeast infection I have no idea where I got it, I may be pregnant with a one-night-stand's kid, and a $800 surgery for my cat is planned for Sunday. Leave me the **** alone.

I blacklisted her number. I feel awful about it, but come one...
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Old 24th October 2012, 6:56 PM   #9
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get a phone that you can switch to silent and let the messages be left, you have a right to just let them all go instead of being basically pestered
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Old 25th October 2012, 3:12 AM   #10
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I silenced my phone already and I explained it again why I have no strength. What I did do, was (in a manner of speaking) kick her husband in the head. Told him she's afraid for their marriage and that it's kind of alarming that she turns to me (this incessantly) saying she has no one else when she has a man who vowed to be there for her in good times as in bad times. She wanted me to talk to him about this anyways because unlike me, she doesn't have first-hand experience with depressions and he may listen to me. I told him he has a lot to lose if he keeps wallowing in his depression and well, a lot more, basically, I did the only thing I had the strength to do. Send him this on Facebook, and anything else seems pointless anyways.

I got a full blown cold now.
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Old 31st October 2012, 3:30 PM   #11
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[QUOTE]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pompom View Post

I have mentioned many times throughout the years that I suffer from behaviorisms resembling ADHD and OCD, meaning I need my me-time, my me-space, my me-order, my me-priorities, my me-tablemustntwobble, my bubble and my own pace at all I do; that I can be a severe introvert and a loner and despite sharing my thoughts and photos all the time and enjoying interaction that allows for me to bail whenever I need, I need a lot of space and do horribly under pressure or with expectations (duh, I'm intelligent above average, got a huge CV, and still chose to be an overpaid from-home button pusher, that should be a huge-ass hint???). I try to live the life of a simpleton, because I can't deal with people relying on me unless I signed up for it knowingly and stricltly!!! limited to my chosen task.
Sadly, life includes pressure and expectations, regardless of disorders. One of my sisters suffers from bipolar disorder. She needs constant communication and affirmation of love and care. I personally hate talking on the phone but with her, I make the exception because she hates writing and she loves talking. Because I love her, I try to talk to her every other day. When you love somebody, it becomes easier to help them in areas they need. Since my sister needs to talk and I have the time to do so, talking to her on the phone gives her peace and blesses her and in that way, it blesses me too. I think a lot depends on one's attitude. Before I knew that my sister needed lots of verbal affirmation, I would not even answer her and would get mad at her sometimes (We're like oil and water.) However, she can't help having a disorder. She didn't ask for it. She is an amazing, intelligent lady who happens to have a disorder and I love her. Why get mad at her for that?

As for your behaviorisms, I don't know very much about ADHD and OCD. I should research them. It might be helpful to give you friends some written advice from experts so they can understand you better. When I learned more about bipolar, my level of compassion for her skyrocketed and I don't get mad at her so much. (We used to fight a lot.)
Quote:
I explained that I have 6 cats, an incontinent dog and a problematic apartment to deal with aside from a full-time job - unlike some of them - and my own, serious problems that only don't seem serious to them because whenever they call (after I told them nicely that I don't like talking on the phone) it's about them.
I'm the same way. I love to read and write! About having animals, that's awesome!!! I am so glad that you have animal friends!!!


Quote:
Mind you, I never, ever call people unless it's absolutely necessary, like emergency services or for doctors appointments. They know that. They will not find a single call from me logged on their phones. I love them, but I don't like any form of communication other than face-to-face or alert-free (or silent by default) to-the-point messages I get to process in my own time.
Me too, though I also love writing.

Quote:
I told them that selfish expectations, expressed loudly and invasively by choosing means of communications that generally come with a repeating alert sound, like my sitting by the phone waiting to help them, cause me stress; demands such as sending me a text message after I "missed" (make that "ignored") a call to tell me I was probably having sex if I didn't answer the phone - oh really, so you're that important that I need a reason to want my peace and quiet? - drive me into a corner, I can't take being expected to be available ****ing 24/7 and actually be thrilled about it; I can't take being expected to deliver explanations or justifications as to why I don't always answer. None of them is my legal guardian, none of them has a right to demand I explain myself to them.
Again, maybe find some information that you can give them so hopefully they can understand you better and give you space.

Quote:
I'm suffocating with cleaning up after my pets, taking care of an apartment that has only problems, finding a husband since I'm too old to wait for "Mr. Right", taking care of my many health issues everyone KNOWS about, etc. so how dare they think that in the few hours I'm not invested in my full-time job or my other obligations, I'm "on call" to have them chew my ear off speaking not nearly clearly enough for me to understand everything immediately, and thus, prolonging the conversation through necessary repetition.
Why are you too "old" for meeting Mr. Right? My Papaw got married to a wonderful lady a year ago! He's in his 70s. When my Mamaw died (who he was married to for almost 50 years) he was so sad and thought he should die. However, I am glad he didn't and found love, and I love my new "Grandma!"

Quote:
I was raised on the principle that if you want something, you do most of the work to get it yourself, and only ask for help when out of options and still guaranteed to do most of it yourself.

Meaning that if you want to talk to me, you get in your car after making sure it's convenient for me, pick me up, and take me to a coffee shop. You do not demand I run out of the shower to pick up the phone. Just as when I want to talk to someone, I send them a non-intrusive message, such as a private Facebook message, asking them if or when they have some time. I don't just take the phone and make theirs ring until voice mail sets in. Unlike them, I keep in mind that people have lives and may not wish to be disturbed at an hour where normal people are working, eating, sleeping, or tending to young children.
I wasn't raised on this principle. I was raised on family and beliefs being important and people helping each other, but now I understand a bit better where you come from in how you were raised.
In Latin American countries, people show up all the time without an invitation. This was a culture shock at first but I'm fine with it now... most of the people who do that are family or friends anyways.


In my family, you do what is best for the family. Meaning if a family member calls, you better answer because you never know if they need something or not. Family is paramount in my subculture. Friends too, when they are close.

Quote:
I'm so exhausted I can't even deal with my cats head-bumping me anymore without screaming at them; I love them so much and I don't want to hurt their feelings when they try to cuddle and I chase them away but I feel so harassed with every little thing, that's how exhausted I am;
My husband loves cats. I have never been a cat person (I'm a dog person) but I adore how they head-bump! Yes you need time to relax because the cats obviously love you and need you to be in a relaxed frame of mind.

Quote:
I feel cornered and every contact initiation from selfish people who think I'm literally there for their bull****, literally makes me hyperventilate with stress and I posted this yesterday on Facebook, expecting true friends to understand this, even though I can't believe I actually have to be tormented into a place where I have to explain myself. But since this morning, I've been getting alerts again, "Please like my page", "What's up", "Hi... hi... hi.. you busy? Helloooooo?"

Why doesn't it occur to people who call themselves friends, that if I don't call back or don't answer a text within 30 minutes, that I may be doing so on purpose and wish to be left alone? Why do I have to be crying and forced to express myself in a hurtful manner for people to get enough of a hint to leave me alone until sunrise, and then start harassing me AGAIN? Why can they not just type up an email with whatever they want to talk about, and, like any considerate and respectful person, wait for me to reply at my own pace? I am an amazing friend, I rarely say no, but I never ever did anything to suggest I enjoy talking on the phone for like 15 minutes or even longer, when I said in the beginning of the call that I'm preparing dinner, which is a very clear hint that I cannot concentrate on idiotic "Come again? What? Can you speak up?". But they rather I see my pricey food burn, than deprive me of the wonderful privilege of listening to their marriage problems that I cannot help them with.


Then this one girl, I enjoy hanging out with her, but she's so rude. Everyone knows I post everything to Facebook, doesn't mean I sign away my rights to proceed to doing the opposite of what I posted on MY personal profile. So one night around 1 am I posted "Can't sleep", and she told me to come over. Nothing wrong with that really, but then it went sour: I told her I'm tired and I'm only up to exhaust myself and become sleepy and then go back to bed. She gave a huffy reply, and when, two or three hours later, I was still updating Facebook, she told me to go **** myself, as if I have the obligation to keep her company just because neither of us can sleep; I told her I had a hard week and have to work the next morning and cannot afford sleep deprivation and only want to get sleepy, which cannot be accomplished through visiting people, which includes fresh air that does the opposite of tiring me. Why did I have to explain myself to her at all? Can I not just burn time at home? Why do I have to want to see people all the time just because I like them? I don't know about some of them, but people who actually work, don't enjoy the thought of pulling an all-nighter in the middle of the week; they are normally terrified of being sleepless, and certainly not eager to stay awake and exhaust themselves in a place even less fit for falling asleep.

And as for the talking ****, well they want me to care, but a few days ago I posted a request to refer me to a dermatologist three times that day and no one answered; one person pointlessly hit Like???? Whenever I try to talk about what bothers me, people ignore it or act like it's not so bad, but I'm supposed to be ready and available for marriage counselling???? When I ask for help, it's usually an emergency, so it happens rarely and when it does, it's important to me, and demands little effort of them (or I pay them).

The reason I even posted that status last night to be left alone, was because I value those people enough to warn them that they need to back off if they don't want me to feel pressured, disrespected and cornered by them which would result in my cutting contact altogether. They know how sensitive I am, they just don't seem to give a crap.

Last night, before posting that, I was sitting with the select few - 2 - friends I can currently suffer, around a table outside and enjoying myself because those people know how to keep it light and free of expectations. Four people started phone-harassing me and then when I ignored the call, sending texts asking for explanations or making uneducated assumptions as to why I'm not answering. Excuse me, it was late, for one, and two, I am not the kind of person who is sitting with wonderful people face-to-face, flirting, having a beer, laughing, only to "socialize" with others on my Smartphone. That is not me. I did not spend almost all day getting to where I was currently enjoying myself, only to cut short my quality time and talk on the phone with people who can reach me by ****ing email.
And one of them was even from the same small town where I was currently flirting with the guy I was sitting with; and I could not possibly tell him I'm near his place when he wants me, while I am trying to seduce someone else. But I also don`t like lying, so what can I do? I cannot lie to myself by sending a text at a time when I don't want to use the phone; I do not wish to lie to him by telling him I'm not currently with my crush, when it's the caller who has left hickeys and bruises on me the night before. So there was no way at all I could have answered any of these people without violating my rules of no lying, no wasting quality time, no giving in to pressure.

And before, I spend the afternoon at a friend's house with another friend; she and I were supposed to be at my crush's place at 5 and then this guy we were staying at, decided to go out for "10 minutes" to pick someone up, and came back an hour later, only to delay us 2 more hours by engaging us in pointless chatter with his brought-in friend's baby daughter.
I left work early because I agreed to plans as they had been made, not to be delayed by listening to the squeals of 4 people dumbing themselves down to a 2-year-old's speech pattern, and then only spend little time where I had initially been supposed to spend most of it. I'm not inflexible; I just find it rude to be sat down for several hours more than expected and be caught between the very loud and incoherent talking of several people in a small room with nothing to kill time with. Since it would have been rude to just get up and leave, or to speak up and frighten the child, I gave the adults in the room very clear hints that my patience was running thin, by displaying "autistic" behavior such as angrily fixing a point in front of me, making repetitive motions on my Smartphone, sighing loudly, and saying the time out loud. But no, listening to a 2-year-old's accounts of kindergarten dancing, was totally worth burning 2 hours apparently. When we arrived at my crush's place, he was understandably grumpy with us, and I was caught in the middle of him and my friend arguing over who got to make a face and who didn't. Obviously I sided with him because like me, he left work early in hopes to enjoy time with us. I didn't have his number, but my friend never bothered to call him to tell him that our other friend was delaying us. Then she was angry at him for making a face about that, and the only reason I didn't join him in looking angry, was because I was busy enjoying his wonderful presence and trying to cheer him up.

Seriously, why do I seem to be the only one who uses their brains before initiating contact? Why do some people think that others have to be available all the time, bend to changes of plans at will, and be totally eager to drop all they're doing, for insignificant small-talk? I find such expectations unreasonable and inconsiderate, does that make me weird?
Maybe it'd be good to fade away from Facebook...

Also, why not screen more closely your friends? I have some good friends but I am very picky about who I call my friends. For me to consider someone a friend, I have to see that they truly care about me and love me (philos love) and for me to truly be their friend, I have to show them that I truly care about them and love them.

For your friends who truly love and care about you, why not find info and print and give to them concerning how and why you need your space? That would help a lot I think. Maybe they don't realize how stressed you are feeling and why you need space?
darkmoon likes this.
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