I'm lonely, seems nobody wants to make friends...

[TSE221]

Hello,

 

Recently I've realised I have no friends. And I mean no friends. It's not I can't 'make' friends, it's how I've ended up through the years.

 

I've just left school. At school I knew loads of people. but I knew them in that sort of way where you get on fine, make each other laugh, but after class never speak and go separate ways.

 

I'm 19 and male. I take care in how I look and dress. I make people laugh when I talk and I'm just an average guy. Most people I know assume I've got friends as I'm a generally 'nice' guy, but I just havn't.

 

It's not as though I don't try, I do. I joined a gym, I'm taking art classes and go out as much as I can on my own places. Everyone just seems to be to themselves, like they have no intentions of making friends, because theve already got them.

 

I feel it's especially true as I'm a guy. If I started talking to a guy in the gym he would be alright with me but also kinda weird with me in the sence 'who are you?'. I feel many guys especially are a bit weird about making friends randomly, they don't see it as 'cool' or whatever.

 

I had some friends, but they were... not really 'me'. They were the more 'techy' people, and although I like them, they don't care how they look, never wanna go out for a drink or do normal things. They would rather play video games.

 

Anyway, it sucks really bad. What can I do? I'd LOVE to have friends that are the same age as me, and just like doing normal things. I've actually never had a friend that's like me, cares how he looks, likes to go out for a drink, does normal things and the thought of having one is unreal.

 

Anyway it just hit me and it hurts. I'd love friends, but they just don't appear. I mean how exactly am I expected to make one? If I started chatting to a guy in the gym and then said wanna hang out some time he'd probabily think I was trying to hit on him!

 

Thanks everyone, and sorry for the long ish post.

[january2011]

If you are looking for the chance to make longer term friendships, I suggest meetups for people with shared interests (especially language-learning, food, sport, day trips and cultural events), volunteering, local community events. Though granted, I don't think you'll find a big proportion of people who care how they look or dress in those groups, though you may find some people who do like to go out for a drink.

 

If you are more into the bar scene, perhaps the meetup groups for singles might appeal more. Though, in my experience, these people tend to be focused on having a good time on a one-night at a time basis and casual hookups rather than long-term friendships.

 

I'm sure there's overlap across both groups. However, I think it's more likely to be the case that you'll have to choose your meetup group depending on your friendship goals and adjust your expectations accordingly.

[smoky eyes]

I agree with the meetup suggestion... saved my social life last year. If you can't find a good one where you live, you can always start one.

 

Also, don't get depressed about it... we all have phases in our life where we feel like we have friends and phases where we feel like we don't. Just keep trying (what you're doing sounds good, but even more), and remember there's a bunch of other lonely people out there.

 

Also, language classes are amazing for making friends, because you basically just sit there and talk about what you like and don't like for hours. If you feel like people are weirded out when you ask them for drinks individually, try asking a group. It also puts less pressure on having things in common with any one person.