I feel like I'm losing a very good friend,

[crossfit93]

Hey everyone, I'm new here and would really appreciate some help.

 

First off I'm a guy, and back in January I had to let my best girl friend go because she was an unrequited love interest. I hated to do it, but I wanted to get over my feelings for her so we could eventually be best friends again. She hated me for leaving, because I never really gave her a chance to explain her side, and also because I don't think she fully understood what I was really going through. We ended up not talking at all for almost 6 months.

 

In June of this past summer she came back into my life. She initiated contact, messaged me and asked if we could just start talking again. I agreed, and said I would like to be friends again, even if we had to go at a snails pace. As time went on we started getting closer again and things felt pretty good. My feelings are buried (I think deep down I'll always have something for her, she's a very special person to me) and it felt good to be able to be just friends. But in that time, I'm not sure what happened but she started to pull away. We went from seeing each other 1-2 times a week and talking almost everyday, to talking maybe 1-2 times a week and seeing each other maybe 1-2 times a month. We did hang out last week, and she called me her best friend again, and said we need to hang out more. But this past week or so she said she's been "very unpleasant" from a stressful week, and has barely talked to me at all, and it's now gotten to a point where she will no longer return my texts, and if she does it's usually a very long time after I send one. Today I asked her if we were still going through with our plans to hang out, and she has not yet responded.

 

So I sit here today, and wonder what has happened. I've tried talking to her about it but I know she's going through a stressful time, and I don't want to push it anymore than I have, because I know it will push her even farther away. Our friendship has gone through some pretty intense moments, but we've always come out on top. It really sucks that I feel like I'm losing her again.

 

I've tried everything I can think of to make it work; I've asked her to hang out, messaged her every once in awhile but still giving her some space, and told her if she needed anything to just let me know. But I'm wondering if this was just the path intended. I'll always cherish the memories we had together, and how much she taught me should the worst happen.

 

I hope nobody ever goes through the feeling of having someone you consider an amazing friend leave your life. I feel for you, and it really, truly hurts

 

Thanks to anyone that read this

[Sefarad]

Hello there!

 

First of all... I wish you had told us the reasons why you rejected her, were you in a relationship already? a love interest? If so... did she know about it? Was she aware of that before making her move?

 

Why am I asking this? Well, I think those details were very important, that'd have given me a better insight to answer your query. I'll try to do my best with the information you gave us.

 

Well, from here looks like her expectations when she started contact with you again were a little different from yours. Sounds to me like she started the contact again with the hope you would change your mind about her. As the time passed by those hopes might have started to wear off and she might have realized you'd never stop seeing her as just a friend. She probabily went tru the pain of rejection once again to some extent; that would explain why she has been pulling herself away from you lately.

 

Let's be logical and rational here for a moment. When you're going tru a ''stressful'' situation you wouldn't (normally) pull away from your best friend. I think you'd want him/her even closer... UNLESS said friend is the the source of your distress then you'd just ignore him/her because let's face it... it's easier than put yourself out there again trying to explain yourself and what's going on... The former it's seen as a safer and less awkward option to deal with the ''stressor''.

 

She still answers you, but very late... I take that as a try to keep the door open for the future as she doesn't seem to have made her mind up about whether to continue being friends with your or not.

 

This is the way I see it... after analyzing the situation and looking at the big picture. If you could provide with more details? Like the ones I mentioned earlier on this reply I believe it could help to prove or discard my hyphotesis.

 

Hope it helps Best of luck!

 

Karen

[kamani]

Well I agree with Sefarad. The details are not enough to give opinion.

 

Are you already in a committed relationship? What about her?

 

This seems something more than friendship from your side as well.

[stacylynn]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. From a girl's perspective I must say that based off her current actions, she's not into it anymore. Maybe someone new is in her life? Maybe the time apart she grew apart? All I know is that when someone likes someone else (whether it be romantically OR just regular friendship) you make effort to talk/see that person. That's why excuses are just that, excuses. I'm sorry to be the one to say it, but I think it's best if you fall back. Giving her some space may make her realize what she is missing with you. It's like anything in life, when we know we have it, we don't value it. I know playing games is never the way to go, but I've been in positions where I've noticed the other person losing interest or putting less effort, and pulling back normally gets them to step up again (if they like you). I get a lot of relationship advice on this site my cousin told me about where you can chat with relationship experts - the link is wizpert.com/beta/amfm Check it out and best of luck to you! Sounds like you are an awesome guy and if not your bestie, will make someone else very happy!

 

Take care,

 

Stacy