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MEN: Can you tell me why a guy is like this???


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 20th March 2004, 9:19 PM   #61
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Moi,

I haven't read and certainly did not write anything making claim to this man being "horrible." Befuddled was seeking reason for this man's behavior. I feel that was given. It's that simple. He's an attractive man that has used his good looks to conquer woman sexually. Conquering them sexually (PROBABLY) edifies his ego.

Befuddled will NOT give into his constant requests for sex since they've broken up and decided to be friends. ALL she wanted to know is WHY he does this (I think that's all Befuddled wanted to know). And, she actually wanted a male perspective as to why this guy is doing what he's doing because one guy knows another guy's tricks.

I personally haven't said he's horrible. What I have said is he sounds arrogant and predictable.
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Old 20th March 2004, 9:23 PM   #62
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Conquering them sexually (PROBABLY) edifies his ego.
Nothing on you, fedup, but there is a double meaning in this sentence that I'm getting a kick out of.

Considering all his talk, I wonder if he really is conquering anybody.
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Old 20th March 2004, 9:25 PM   #63
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Fed

Wasn't singling anyone out or even paying attention to who said what. It's just a big issue of mine to avoid imputing intent or motivation. Maybe he's arrogant. Maybe not. The only person who can answer why he's done something is the person himself, no?
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Old 20th March 2004, 9:34 PM   #64
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???

The facts are the facts.

He is the guy who admitted to me, around the time I dumped him, that he was aware of the fact that he WAS very explicit in telling me things I didn't need to know (but still continued to) about his past sexual experiences with exes, etc......and how I could have taken offense.

He is the guy who suggested that we be friends, this after a month of not communicating, leading me to believe that he truly did want friendship. I thought about it, I decided that if there was no issue of sex to cloud things, sure, maybe we could have a friendship.

He is the one who has obnoxiously asked me, during a nice conversation about day to day things, if he could come over to my house, sit me down on my office chair and "eat me out".....

He is the guy who has called me "weird" because I don't sleep around and go to bars to get picked up.

He is the guy who comes crawling back each month, leading me to believe he's really wanting to be a friend, yet inevitably, before long, the topic of sex is brought up by him.

I've been as clear as a bell that I don't wish to discuss my sex life, my lackthereof, my masturbatory practices, what turns my crank or rings my bell with him......as I don't discuss that kind of things with "friends"...yet he won't let up.

If you want to feel sorry for him and call him misguided and lost, that's your prerogative, but I am not so quick to excuse someone's bad, disrespectful behavior. I think in today's society, it's just far too easy to excuse bad behavior.....by attributing it to one of the many hundred disorders out there. As a society, we're slowly losing our belief that people have to be ACCOUNTABLE for their actions and inaction. That people need to be held accountable for acting like jerks to those who show them kindness and friendship.

This is not some rangy 13 yr old guy who's socially inept due to lack of life and relationship experience. This is a grown man, who at the end of the day, is responsible for his behavior. If he was that sadly out of control and socially inept, then I'd wonder strongly why he's able to "behave" himself in the presence of his family, which I've witnessed myself. Or my family. If he was that out of control, he wouldn't know when to stop......but he does, I've seen it.

I am convinced that he's simply not used to being rejected. He's told me, for heavens sake, that there's basically never been a woman that's turned him down in the past. That walking into a bar for him has been like being a kid going into a candy store. I'm surprised I didn't figure this out sooner. I am a challenge and a blow to his ego.......maybe I'm his 8th wonder of the world, I don't know.......but I do know that by continuing to have contact with him, I've been guilty of enabling his pr*ckishness, and sending a loud and clear message to him that his behavior is acceptable and tolerable. Shame on me. I will not make that mistake again.

I have never said I hated him, I don't hate anyone, never have.

I don't despise him, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I will think twice before I ever consider remaining friends with an ex in the future.
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Old 20th March 2004, 10:01 PM   #65
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Well, Befuddled...that rang clear as a bell in my ears!!!! I think you've learned a lot today, and I hope you have benefitted from posting your situation. It's worked it's own thing out, which is great.

Steer clear of him, and GOOD for you for NOT succumbing to his egotistical ways. This guy is inexperienced with trying to woo a woman into the throws of his passions because he's always gotten his way.

I agree 100% that in today's world there are all these newfound "disorders". How COVERT is that! That absolutely takes away any accountability and responsibility. It's BS.
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Old 20th March 2004, 10:37 PM   #66
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I agree 100% that in today's world there are all these newfound "disorders". How COVERT is that! That absolutely takes away any accountability and responsibility. It's BS.

My friend, I am sorry that you have such a closed mind. Until you know a person trying to cope with a disorder; until you live with such a person and understand his/her life from the inside, you won't understand. But what ought I expect? People blame the raped for being too provocative, the abused for the same. Of course blame victims of disorders.

Just understand this; a diagnosis of a disorder is NEVER meant to be an excuse. Rather, it points to WHAT needs to be medicated and what sort of therapy might be effective. If you don't understand that your symptoms point to diabetes, you can't be effectively treated. Now we know the symptoms of disorders, they can be treated and their sufferers can lead better lives.

Thank heavens some people choose to try to help rather than to condemn. The two men with ADD I knew didn't understand that they had ADD at all and blamed nothing and nobody but themselves. That they could not function socially left them rejected and feeling worthless as shxt. Once the second one knew there were reasons for what he was doing wrong, there was hope that his life could change.

Nobody would choose to remain living the way these men lived. Now we have found the reasons, there's hope for them and for everyone like them.
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Old 20th March 2004, 10:52 PM   #67
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I am aware of pshychological disorders. In fact, I am educated about them. There are some newfound disorders, namely ADD. I see how and where people all of a sudden use things like that and make that an excuse for not having to be held accountable for their behavior. It's a cop out.

I think Befuddled has CLEARLY depicted this guy and his behavior to amount to nothing more than a lack of respect for her over his own dealing with rejection.

Moi, you said that two of the guys you were with had ADD and had social problems...the man Befuddled is talking about hasn't had any problems getting women sexually, nor has he had trouble getting women's acceptance. He brags about how he's never been turned down, and he's not dealing with the rejection from Befuddled. Plain and simple.

I don't have a "closed mind." If I did, I would see the same problem with each and every situation. I do not.
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Old 20th March 2004, 11:06 PM   #68
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There are some newfound disorders, namely ADD.

It is not a 'newfound' disorder. It's been known for 50 years. It's just that it took until the late 1980s to figure out that people don't outgrow it.

I see how and where people all of a sudden use things like that and make that an excuse for not having to be held accountable for their behavior.

So they have disorders AND are irresponsible. It doesn't mean the disorders don't exist. Might as well get mad at people with MS who don't run marathons.

Moi, you said that two of the guys you were with had ADD and had social problems...the man Befuddled is talking about hasn't had any problems getting women sexually, nor has he had trouble getting women's acceptance.

He brags about how he's never been turned down


Yeah. Both my guys said the exact same things. In fact, they often have many partners in order to try to bolster their self-worth. They also do get turned down and rejected, but they're hardly going to tell you about it. What man will tell you how many times he's offered sex and been rebuffed?

The social problems were the same; overtly sexualized behaviour and language used at inappropriate times and despite my objections.

Any more questions?
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Old 20th March 2004, 11:18 PM   #69
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Nope, no more questions. Seems like you've already made your mind up that this guy has ADD.

I've made my mind up that he has issues with rejection.
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Old 21st March 2004, 10:55 AM   #70
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Jen-

Not wanting to leave any data out of your survey, and because I genuinely like you, I feel obligated to answer the burning question;

Quote:
samson: is brightly-lit festooned hallway head better?
However, I'm really not sure what "festooned" means? If it has anything to do with knawing, or rats, or cheese, then the answer is a resounding "NO."

But, I'd generally say that better lighting makes for better head, in or outside a hallway.

My opinion is really of no consequence. Now, Befud's opinion; that's probably something we could really benefit from knowing. In fact, having read the results of Befud's.......um......."work?", perhaps she would share exactly what type of lighting and venue, as well as some other technical details that may allow us to understand "Dude's" fixation?
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