Declining offer to be a groomsman?

[hockeyman80]

So here's the thing:

 

When I was in school I was pretty much nice to everyone, especially the ones that other people weren't nice to. Since I've finished high school (6 years ago) I have barely seen any of those people. I have ran into a couple and have made regular chit chat though. Anyway, there's one guy who's getting married next year and has asked me to be a groomsman. While I think it's a nice gesture it just doesn't feel right at all. He told me who his other groomsmen were, and they were his actual friends who he sees and hangs out with. He's lost most of his meaningful friends because of the girl he's marrying. He's lost most of his friends because he says things like "Hey wanna come over, my girlfriend says I can have a friend over from 7-8 pm but then you have to go, because she said that's all I'm allowed" type of deal, and repeat this over and over.

 

So I kind of feel bad for him because he doesn't realize how pathetic he comes across and it hasn't clicked into him that he's lost his meaningful friends because of how he acts. I feel like I'm just a "filler" who he's asked because I was always nice to him, even though I've never hung out with the guy in my entire life, because he's lost his real friends.

 

Add to this... he says ridiculous things such as "you need to bring a date to my wedding so you should get back with your ex-girlfriend, then you guys should come on our honeymoon together too", and when I say that won't be happening he tells me I just "need to get back with her for the wedding". Me and my ex broke up on absolutely terrible terms over a year ago. He then proceeds to say "well ask her to be the stripper for my bachelor party". And I usually just ignore him because he's just an acquaintance in my mind, and I feel like he doesn't really know how he's coming off to people.

 

So while I was always nice to the guy it feels strange to me to be a groomsman and stand there with his real friends (who I'm sure would find it strange also since I've never met any of them). I feel bad because that's just the nature of who I am, but I mean we've lived in the same general area our whole lives and have never hung out, nor have I ever met his girlfriend, or any of that. We just went to high school together. It just seems overwhelming to me to book time off work and make the commitment to come back for all of this (I'm moving soon) but I can imagine his reaction would be extremely over the top (sadess wise, not madness) if I tell him any of this.

 

So basically, how do I politely get out of this? Or should I just suck it up and do it? Going to the wedding as a spectator would be fine, but standing in my first wedding for someone I don't really know just feels so weird.

 

Thanks guys

Edited September 24, 2012 by hockeyman80

[KathyM]

If you have such a poor opinion of him, then I'd suggest you decline to act as groomsman and decline going to the wedding. Just tell him you won't be able to come to the wedding, but you wish him happiness with his new life as a married man.