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Friends Moving In Together Has Opened a Rift


varonny

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Recently my best friends moved in together - two of them had been living together previously, the other has moved out of home for the first time and is loving the freedom. Everything has been fine up until recently when I've come over and felt like I'm on one side of a wall, and they're on the other. I feel like I'm not even connecting with them any more.

I feel sad about the situation because I love them to bits, we're all 21/22, we've all got jobs and are busy with other things in life, but it feels like even when I try to start a conversation with them it all falls apart. Tonight I was at their place, and I'm sure it's just a matter of perception but I felt on the outs, as though I was just that person that you invite along because you've invited all her friends and you don't want to feel like an a**.

 

I don't think talking to them about how I'm feeling would make any difference, as one of them is very vocal on how her opinion is THE opinion, and that anything different is just "silly".

Should I just ignore this feeling I'm having whenever I go over, or should I take some time away from the situation and leave them be for the time being?

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BloomManifesto

Hey Varonny, sometimes I feel like I'm on the outs with my friends as well. I know it can be hard to tell, especially if you're prone to over analysing things. What I'd recommend doing is often what I do in this situation myself. Nothing, at first.

 

Whenever I feel like our friendship has gone out of sync, I just leave it alone for a week or two and if it hasn't righted itself by that time I start and put a little more effort into the friendship.

 

If I'm still feeling awkward about the friendship then I just straight up ask them if there's anything wrong, or if I've done something personally.

 

Often times it's just me being neurotic. I can tell you that friends moving in with other friends changes the dynamic of the friendship, give it sometime to settle into it's new groove, and don't be afraid to tell your friends how much they mean to you once in awhile.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Best,

Bloom

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Hi Bloom, thanks for the reply!

I shall definitely leave things as they are for now, and see how we are in a week or so.

 

I guess it's also frustrating, because usually the dynamic is that if I don't start most conversations, I won't usually hear from them... All well!

 

Thanks for the advice :)

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