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Losing a longtime friend after the trip from hell


Malia25

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I've known "kat" for 15 years. We met in middle school and have always kept in touch throughout these many many years, even though I live in Cali and she lives in Chicago now. I've always thought of her as self absorbed, in the sense that her problems always outweighed anyone elses. For example, I lost a family member in high school. The week I came back to school, all she could talk about was her "boy problems" which were amazingly miniscule when compared to death. I chalk it up to her being completely unaware of her actions and how they affect people. After all, her problems are more important than anyone elses. ;)

 

So fast forward 10 years. We share the same bday and after much encouragement from her, I decided to go visit her for a week for our bday. We made plans and I was excited to see the city (and her). The night I flew in, we had plans to visit a museum event. Turns out, we ended up going grocery shopping so she could make chicken soup for her sick live in (NURSE) grown ass boyfriend. But later that night, we did go to the casino (which I hate) and watched them gamble away hundreds of dollars that they claim they dont have because they are so "poor". That just cemented the rest of the trip for me. They were too cheap to take me anywhere in the city, including a nice dinner for our bday, which I requested to be at a nice restuarant we dont have in my city. Instead we ended up at Applebees because they wanted me to order off the 2 for $20 menu!! I never ever get drunk, but that night, I got drunk because I was miserable.

 

It was winter and I was excpecting snowstorms, but the weather ended up being perfect. But we still stayed home to have "movie days" on redbox because thats what her and bf do every weekend. They couldn't switch up their plans for the ONE wknd I was in town? I never did get to explore the city (although I expresssed interest many times) and the trip was one giant suckfest - complete with her telling me alllll about her life and the pitfalls and the blah, blah. She is such a debbie downer in every sense. o_O

 

This past summer, she visited town and asked to see me, so I told her I wanted to talk to her about something that upset me about the trip. We never met up. Big surprise. She knew I was upset, so she apologized profusely. I ended up emailing her about why I was upset and giving her actual scenarios of what happened, in hopes she would understand what she did wrong and not treat others the same way. That was two months ago and she never answered the email or ever responded to me in any way. What do you think is going on her vapid head??

 

I've already decided I no longer what her as a friend, but it still annoys me to not have heard back from her. I know she doesnt like confrontation, so maybe that is it. Or she truly thinks she did nothing wrong. o_O Who was wrong in this situation??

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15 years is a long time..be thankful for the memories and move on. if she brings you down and brings you grief more than anything.. i hate to say it but dump her or be passive aggressive(P.A).. tell her about your awesome life and how your too busy and never answer her questions.. just talk about yourself CONSTANTLY.hehe

 

it sounds like you were the giver and she the taker.. try switching.. see if your freindship survives.

 

P.A is best fought with P.A style...

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  • 1 month later...

I totally totally understand lol I had a friend almost exactly like that to a "T." I lost my dad after I graduated high school in 2010 and every time I wanted to talk about it she would just be silently grooming her fingernails and acting like "is it over yet?" and then proceed to tell me ALL about her mundane, trivial sufferings, boy problems, what have you. One time I was stuck in the dirt parking lot of a bar after my car broke down while I was trying to take someone to their gig and I was scared to be there alone so I was texting her. All she could tell me was some wah-wah boo-hoo story about how she saw her ex boyfriend and his dad at the mall and it made her anxious.

 

And she would constantly complain about not having money and not wanting to go anywhere, especially if it was something I wanted to do, even though her father (who was rather well off) payed for literally everything she did/owned, including gas to drive wherever the f*ck she wanted to go. One time I had no ride, and no car and I asked her to pick me up from the bus stop, fifteen minutes out and she insisted I give her gas money. What the actual f*ck bro.

 

All of that suddenly wasn't a problem once she found a suitable boyfriend though. She is happy to spend money on him, do what he wants, he11, even move out of the state.

 

Good riddance in my opinion. Even though it sucks to lose a good friend. Sometimes, you have to put down boundaries and stick to them. No exceptions.

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