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My friend has absolutely no personality?


twilkerson59

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twilkerson59

In 6th grade, I became best friends with this guy named Josh. We were two nobodies who didn't have many friends, and were certainly uncool. Fast forward to now (12th grade), and things are a bit different. We are still very good friends, but I am a vastly different person than I was then, whilst he has remained nearly the same. I've become significantly more outgoing, I have had an amazing girlfriend for 2 years, I have a great sense of humor and can make anyone laugh, I have been told have great taste, in music, and I dress fairly well. I am just a typical young man who has figured out who I am, and has figured out how to be likeable and outgoing. Josh on the other hand, has no sense of humor, never has anything important to say and goes on and on about things no one cares about, and really has no interests other than keeping up with a TV show or two and playing video games. He has no game with the females, never seems to contribute to the group whenever we go out to do things, and is just kinda the blah guy. I will never cease my friendship with him because he is a good friend and is very responsible, and we've been friends for too long and share too many memories, but I don't know how to help him out, or if I can. I can tell he is unhappy, he tries too hard to fit in and that sort of thing, and I wish I could pull him outta his funk, but I don't know what to tell him. I just kinda figured things out over the past few years, building my confidence and such, no one told me what to do. He and I were largely the same blah people back in 6th or 7th grade, but he just hasn't seemed to develop much character. Hanging out with him is difficult because I find that I really can't relate to him much anymore, and he just never has anything of interest to say, I always have to force conversation with him. I'm sorry I know this was long, and not even much of a question, I just wanna know if anyone else has had this friend that just hasn't figured things out in life yet? I find myself hanging out with him less and less, and I don't wanna push him aside because I owe him more than that.

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It's normal for people to grow apart, but I do understand this feeling of not wanting to abandon someone you've been friends with for a long time.

 

You say he goes on and on about things nobody cares about. Is it stuff that perhaps other people might care about? Maybe there is another crowd that he would fit in with better but he just hasn't found them yet. Have you tried introducing him to people he has something in common with? Does your friend ever try to meet other people outside of the group he shares with you?

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NoMagicBullet

You're a good friend for being concerned about him and not wanting to ditch him, even though it looks as if the two of you are growing apart.

 

It's hard to say just from what you've written, but could Josh be depressed? Is there difficult stuff going on in his life or or with his family or some other reason why he's withdrawn? Does he put himself down a lot? I don't know how close you are if you could talk to him directly about this, or if you're close enough to his parents that you might say you're concerned about him.

 

Do you still do things one-on-one as friends? The group environment might be too intimidating for him to risk the potential embarrasment of putting himself out there. It sounds like he might be socially insecure. As a friend, you might try getting him to try new activities with you, but just the two of you. Nothing too outrageous or competitive, and make it something neither of you have done before -- just focus on doing something different and having a good time. If he can start to open up to new things in a "safe" enviroment with a long-time friend, he might start to open up in other ways. I don't know if he'll go for it, but you can try.

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twilkerson59

He's definitely socially insecure, and might be depressed too. He had a chance with a girl a few months ago but blew it. What I mean by him going on about things that I don't care about is that he will talk about things completely irrelevant to me. Like outta the blue he'll say something like "There's this guy at my church who plays guitar really good" Or earlier today he asked me about a teacher at our school, I told him I just knew who he was but never had him (my cue to Josh that I dont really know anything about him, or care about him), and then he preceded to say "Oh, well he moved recently to Cave spring(a different county than where we are)."

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Sometimes people will talk about other people if they do something they wish they themselves were doing. I'm wondering if your friend is interested in playing music or likes the idea of moving away, and this was his way of bringing up the subject. Letting him talk about it might help him to open up.

Edited by SpiralOut
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