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Can't seem to develop friendships...


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Hey everyone,

 

Just registered today as I have a problem I've been dealing with for many years now and I just would appreciate some insight/advice.

 

Currently 23, with no friends. Acquaintances yes, friends no.

 

I was very social when I was a kid,talked to everybody in my class. Had a tight groups of friends till 13 when I found out they had been talking about me behind my back. Due to poor grades, I was transferred to a different class and so broke off ties and made new friends. However coupla years later I was transferred AGAIN and those friends no longer bothered to socialize with me. In my new class, I wasn't popular and the girls weren't very nice to me.I was just scared that if I made friends, they would 'abandon' me again so I kept to myself.

 

Got out of school and began working at 17. Tried to be more social at my workplace but I was the youngest there so I got looked down upon a lot it made me not interested in building friendships there. Changed jobs 2 years later, there were people my age at the new workplace but maybe cause I'd spent so many years being antisocial, I just couldn't seem to get back into being friendly and all.

 

When I was 20, I began making online friends, it was definitely easier since I didn't have to talk in person. I made many and even met up with a few. However, one of the girls I had gotten really close too, I later found out she wasn't who she had made herself out to be.

 

Learnt my lesson on online friends from that and tried to focus on real life friendships. Tried to talk to people, tried to get out more, smile more etc. But though I try to text often, chit chat when I can, listen to problems etc, I find that people seem to take forever texting me back, they cancel on me when we set up outings etc. And it makes me feel like I'm being taken for granted. I tell myself not to give up and still text them back even if I get a reply 3 weeks later but it just wears me out and I end up annoyed and frustrated with everyone.

 

I don't think I am a terrible person to friend. People have told me I'm humorous and easygoing. Most people are a bit surprised when I tell them I actually don't have any friends.

 

I don't understand. Why is it so difficult to develop friendships? I do meet a lot of people in my daily life and yet, it's so hard. Is wanting a friend to text often/hang out sometimes asking too much?

 

I'm starting to feel that maybe I've been friendless for so long, I no longer know how to make friends or what a friend supposedly is...

 

Sorry for the long post:( Please feel free to share any thoughts/opinions/advice you may have.

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i know two women (am one) who don't always reply to me or take ages to, that's life, other ppl are phone-freaks never out of touch, join meetup to find more ppl, it's life today, meetup is a chance to do things with like-minded ppl, you have nothing to lose

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It's possible you're unconsciously trying too hard and other people are picking up on the desperation. I'm in a similar boat. Was antisocial for many years and now I find it very difficult to make new friends. I've got two really good ones but my social circle is very small. I'm now trying my best to expand it and repair the damage I have done to myself.

 

Can I ask why YOU think you're having difficulty establishing a friendship?

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1. Don't tell people you have no friends.

 

2. Continue doing what you're doing. True and valuable friendships take time to build.

 

3. Build friendships in the real world, pressing flesh and looking in eyes and expressing your humanity in person.

 

4. Let go of any tendencies for accounting. Have boundaries, sure, but go with the flow within them.

 

Welcome to LS :)

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Dire Wolf, what you said makes sense...maybe I am being too anxious and desperate to have a friend that it shows. I feel I have difficulty establishing a friendship cause I'm too needy perhaps. And that I have too-high expectations both for myself and for others so when it doesn't go well, I close myself off from people.

 

Carhill, I'll try to loosen up a bit. Now that you point out about the accounting,I do realise how I tend to keep track of everything way too much( even the small stuff)

 

Thank you darkmoon too for helping:) Hopefully with time things will look up.

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You could try putting yourself in a social setting with people that have the same interests that you do and see where that goes, but just calm down, relax, and take a deep breath. Try not to be so anxious about it if you can. I'm sure there will be someone out there that will WANT to be your friend and won't just shut you down automatically. You've got to keep trying. Trust me, it'll be worth it in the end :)

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The Tallest One

Layton, I can relate. I'm 42 and most of my friends have left not only the city, but some the province for work and family. I have three friends to speak of, two in town, one almost an hour away. The one friend in town, rarely wants to do anything, bit of a loner type, the other is overworked and in a terrible marriage and has three young ones. Going over there can be very toxic for me, always trying to get him to come out with me somewhere so were away from his toxic marriage.

 

I am trying to be more social, looking for groups nearby to try and meet people. Its not easy going at times but you have to persevere. You will make friends, trust me. Cheers!

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