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Please lend me your insights on this one: In what situation would one rescind an apology?

 

I apologized to someone (a friend whom I ended friendship with). Now I figured that he was manipulative, didn't play fair. Not only that, he"guilt tripped" me to get that apology in the first place...

It's been a month since my apology.

I really want to send in: "The passage of time has made it clear to me now that you are a dishonest manipulator who treats people like lab rats in his experiments. I only apologized to be a decent person and not stoop down to your level."

That's all.

Wonder if I should send it...

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jeffmeyers
Please lend me your insights on this one: In what situation would one rescind an apology?

 

I apologized to someone (a friend whom I ended friendship with). Now I figured that he was manipulative, didn't play fair. Not only that, he"guilt tripped" me to get that apology in the first place...

It's been a month since my apology.

I really want to send in: "The passage of time has made it clear to me now that you are a dishonest manipulator who treats people like lab rats in his experiments. I only apologized to be a decent person and not stoop down to your level."

That's all.

Wonder if I should send it...

 

You gave the apology, the one he wanted. If nothing comes of it then walk away. It sounds like a toxic relationship.

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Doing that will let him know that you still care about what he thinks. It will also open up dialogue between you two again where he could say more toxic things to you.

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I apologized AFTER it ended without any expectation; that's the thing. It won't open up more dialogues. I'll send then block him immediately. Even if he says anything, it won't affect me because I'm past caring.

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What's the point? He's gonna think you've been bitter about it this entire time. Just leave it alone. He's probably feeling crappy as it is because you ended it, which explains why he didn't respond. (Or did he? I'm not sure)

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whichwayisup
Please lend me your insights on this one: In what situation would one rescind an apology?

 

I apologized to someone (a friend whom I ended friendship with). Now I figured that he was manipulative, didn't play fair. Not only that, he"guilt tripped" me to get that apology in the first place...

It's been a month since my apology.

I really want to send in: "The passage of time has made it clear to me now that you are a dishonest manipulator who treats people like lab rats in his experiments. I only apologized to be a decent person and not stoop down to your level."

That's all.

Wonder if I should send it...

 

Don't send it. That person has issues and you know this. you felt manipulated and you ended the friendship for a reason.

 

Silence is golden and says much more than words.

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frenchtelephones

That's the kind of thing that, in my experience, is enjoyable to write and feels good for maybe about a day after you send it. Then you start having second thoughts. You'll start to think about what the person you're no longer friends with is thinking of you, when the point was to get him out of your life. You'll start to question whether you didn't look petty rescinding the apology. You'll start to wish you'd stayed on the moral high road.

It sounds like this person was a very bad friend and that cutting him out of your life was a good idea. The friend then guilted you into apologizing, which you regret. However, in my opinion, by sending the suggested message you won't be cancelling out the first regret, you'll only be piling on a second one. It looks childish and silly to officially rescind the apology. Besides, your friend will know that he still holds enough power over you to have gotten you so riled up you were compelled to take back the apology he manipulated you into giving in the first place.

The point, it seems to me, is to get this person out of your life, which you have. He will know you've lost respect and esteem for him by the fact that you won't be speaking to him anymore. In fact, silence might exasperate him more because it will make him feel powerless. If you're not speaking to him there's no way he can know what you're thinking, and there won't be any way for him to influence you in any direction.

Edited by frenchtelephones
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Sorry for not making it clear: HE ended it, at the point when I couldn't care less either.

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whichwayisup

My advice still stands.. Don't email him. There is no point.. Move on and don't look back.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Just found out that my apology had given him some knowledge to influence me because he recently did something that he thought would piss me off, and it did.

Oh god, I wish (1) I had not given it in the first place or (2) had taken it back, wise move or not...

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