Ask a girl who my friend used to like on a date? Need , .

[Bluesman0115]

First off, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this:D

I greatly appreciate all input.

 

So, my question is if I should ask a girl who my friend used to like on a date.

 

Here's the story:

 

Five years ago, my best friend/roommate in college had this thing for this girl. One day I was sitting on the couch in the living room where we were living when he walked in the front door with her. I didn't know her name but recognized her from class. I don't remember, but we must have greeted each other and they went to go hang out in his room and I went back to watching a movie. I found out from my friend later that he had tried to make a move on this girl but she stopped him, stating that next week would be better, or some vague excuse like that.

 

My friend never was able to get this girl who he was pretty into. I found out he was still into her some months later by accident when I casually mentioned her name, thinking nothing of it; my friend-who was definitely the one who was better with women overall- defensively stated, "You stay away from this one! Not this one!" (I should mention that we were young dumb college guys at this point and we had competed over winning a girls' preferences in the past) He said it sort of jokingly, but I sensed some real insecurity behind his statement, which perplexed me at the time. But I didn't think much of it.

 

Now, I don't remember who initiated it 3 or 4 years ago, but this girl and I became friends on either myspace or facebook; I had no intentions or anything, just a casual thing to do when you met someone in college. We didn't have much contact at all really. I remember one time she invited my friend and myself to her birthday, but neither of us attended, and that was pretty much the only time there was any reason for all of us to hangout.

 

Fast-forwarding to Summer of 2008: My friend and I graduate from college after five years of friendship (yes, we were super-seniors lol). We did a lot of growing up together, had won and lost love, had many great times and adventures. We both leave the city where our University was located: I moved back home 4 hours north and he moved back to his home 1 hour west. Life moves on, we both get jobs. I don't remember exactly when, but sometime in late 2008, I get a text from this girl (I think I probably gave her my number online through myspace so she could call us about her bday party years before) saying that she remembered that I lived between her home (the city with the university) and a big city up North where she was headed and that she wanted to stop by my city and asked what there was to do and if we could meet. Telling her that my city is rather sleepy, that I could meet her at Starbucks for a coffee to pick her up before she drove another 4 hours home. She said she want call me when she got in, but she never did: she sent me a text saying that they had taken an alternate route back home that didn't pass by.

 

I don't remember when, but sometime later in the same year she randomly called me on the phone. I was absorbed in a video game at the time and thinking she just had a simple question or something, I answered without taking my attention away from the game: we ended up just chatting for a good 15 or 20 minutes I'd guess. I didn't think anything of it really, or anything of the few texts we'd send here and there.

 

I found out her Mom was sick and they needed to take trips up to the big city up North so that she could get treatment. I had to get my working visa from the same city as I was leaving to work overseas. Having the same city in common, I had texted her and let her know that I was excited to be leaving for another country. I guess we must have wished each other farewell and went our own ways.

 

Fast-forwarding to March, 2011, I had been living abroad for a year and a half and was planning on returning back to the US. One night was browsing facebook and saw that she had posted a picture and that she had a good look going for it. I commented on the photo saying that the look really suited her and she messaged me. We hadn't talked since I left almost two years earlier and I we sorta told each other what had gone on and I said that I was moving back.

 

Fast-forwarding to now: I've been back in the US for a little over a year now and started talking with this girl again via text since then, but just a message here and there. She now lives in the same city that my brother does and I've mentioned that to her and we've both expressed that we should meet up sometime when I go to visit. Looking back, I'm starting to think that she has an interest in me: when we text each other, she always expresses an excitement and eagerness to hear from me and she's also expressed an eagerness to meet up and that she "wishes we lived closer" so that we could meet up. But I have sometimes missed the mark and sometimes looked too closely into things that arn't there so tell me if I'm wrong for thinking that she's interested in me, because maybe I am...

 

Anyways, I'm interested in meeting up with this girl to see if there's chemistry. BUT I'm hesitant to because I'm not sure if it's right to date this girl since my friend used to like her. I really want to talk it over with my friend, but there are two reasons i have not: the first being he never answers my calls, the second being that I don't even know if there's anything really there with this girl other than friends and would feel silly bringing up that I want to date her if I'm wrong and there isn't anything romantic there.

 

So, what do you think? Should I meet up with this girl, and if there's chemistry, talk to my friend, who i'm guessing is over her since he's been with other girls since then, or should I talk to him first and tell him that I'm interested in dating this girl even though risking looking like a fool if there isn't something there? I'm not a very confident guy so maybe I'm turning this into a big deal by my insecurity?

 

I should add that I'm just trying to be a good guy: I'm like anyone, who's trying to find someone attractive, smart, and this girl fits the bill and seems to have maybe a little interest in me if not more- I also want to do the right thing by my friend and I'm not sure what that is. Is the right thing to stop pursuing her because my friend liked her in the past even though nothing ever happened? I should add that in the past, the same "friend" basically did just that to me: I liked this girl in college a lot and he ended up making a move on her when she showed him interest, and I never held it against him....I also haven't held it against him that he hooked up with a girl who I REALLY liked behind my back after she broke it off (I found out from one of her friends, well more of her friend-emy lol). Although I was a little bitter for a while, I never brought it up and have since stopped caring.

 

Regardless of what happened between us, I still want to do right by my friend and it would suck to have to stop pursuing this girl, but if that's the right thing to do to be a good friend, then I will.

 

Thank you for taking the time to get through my lengthy post! I know you're time is precious so thank you for your consideration! Have a great day!

[NateC]

No one can "claim" a girl when they're not dating them. It's one thing to try dating the same girl your friend may be dating (yeah, bad idea), but...go for this one. If he has problems with it, he had his chance and it's your turn now.

 

Good luck!

[Bluesman0115]

Thank you brotha, for putting it into perspective for me. I would never date an ex of one of my friends or try dating someone that my friend is dating out of respect for them, but you're right that no one can "claim" someone who they arn't dating. If something does happen between me and this girl, the way in which my friend reacts will indicate whether it's a friendship worth keeping, I reckon. Your advise has made me more confident; thanks for that man!

[jeffmeyers]

Go for it, man!