Shohane Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) We had some big fights. In a moment of peace, my friend told me his thoughts about an ex-friend of his, but we had another fight after that, and in moment of anger and frustration, I betrayed him by telling that ex-friend what he said about her. In the end, he angrily said, "I'm done with you. Never speak to me again" in his last message that aimed to make me feel guilty. I believe both of us were at fault in this conflict because (1) I verbally slashed at him out of anger and (2) he intentionally hurt me verbally in response. Note: I had some feelings for him so it hurt a lot, which he wasn't aware of. (I no longer have those feelings now). He didn't put any effort into fixing things. He refused to admit he had any responsibility in the conflict. <<< two things that upset me. Only when it has ended and when I contemplated on it, I realized that I was so caught up in the arguments between us that I didn't realize the sacrifice he made to keep our friendship. The fact that I played a bigger part in the downfall makes me so hard to bear. I was at the darkest point of my life at that time, thus I harbored and (unfortunately) expressed a lot of negativity.... A week after he ended our friendship, I sent him a long final message pouring out my last thoughts. I intended it to be more for me than for him, so that I could free myself and move on. That message contained mixed feelings: I told him how it pained me when I mistreated him, and how I sort of put him a pedestal before - which was sort of a semi-confession of my feelings; I also told him that his behavior towards me near the end was very jerkish (it really was), then I told him I did appreciate him, what I learned from the experience, and apologized for my fault. But I also wrote that I wasn't "stuck" with him (because he hadmade the decision to end it), I didn't have any regret because I had tried my best, and that I didn't expect any response. I'm pretty sure he won't reply. Now that I've realized something new (the losses he endured to appease our friendship), I feel very guilty. It pains me. I wonder if I should write him another message some time to express my regrets, and open a way for reconciliation? Or would it look desperate?? Edited June 8, 2012 by Shohane Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 My morning thoughts are: "Damn! He's a jerk. Why would I want him back?" -_- Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Let it go, don't contact him again. If he chooses to reply then re think things. To be honest you both had jerkish moments..That wasn't one sided. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shohane Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 You know, only when I had time to reflect on what happened did I realize he's a masterful manipulator. He was making it look like he "sacrificed" something for the sake of our friendship but in reality he was using my feelings to his advantage. I'm beyond hurt. How to overcome all this pain and mixed emotions I'm feeling now??? Link to post Share on other sites
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