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a gossipy friend


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I ive in a small community so I refer it when my friends don't talk about me and if they talk about other people, be it opinions or anecdotes about them, I worry in case I'll get talked about too like that, discussed behind my back. It's gossip rather than being supportive and close.

 

I have one friend who does make references to other people, I don't think she means any harm, but it's something she does quite alot. I know I can't confide in her because she is like this, but is kind in many other ways.

 

She once told a love rival of mine about me when I was in love. That was ages ago. Yesterday, she told me about the politcal views of a friend of hers, I am secretive and see a red flag as she does blurt out things.

 

But am I right? She lives her life thru other people to an extent imho.

 

I see betrayals - she's been like this for 15 years I've known her.

Edited by darkmoon
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Always be wary of people like that. She probably does not mean harm (it is probably her way of relating to people), but it can seriously interfere with other personal relationships.

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TaraMaiden

Barely any discussion can take place where we do not at one point mention the involvement of another person, in relevance to our discussion.

It's human nature to discuss human nature.

it's a form of bonding process.

 

What you need to ask yourself is whether your discussion of that person could be seen as a direct violation of their privacy and erosion of their dignity.

 

"I'm concerned about 'Megan' she told me she wasn't feeling too well, the other day..."

 

Is for example, not as bad as -

 

"I'm worried about 'Megan' - she went to her doctor and apparently she has two lumps in her breast."

 

And when push comes to shove, remember that most 'risky' gossip is usually whispered.

I have no idea why, especially if I'm in a room with someone, and we're alone in the house, with the subject of discussion in another location altogether...

 

Remember the infallible cop-out though....

 

when someone suspects you have a juicy piece of gossip about someone else, and they ask you to spill the beans, proceed as follows....

 

Them... "Hey, have you heard about Jenny? what went on with her and Mike the other night?"

 

You.... "Can you keep a secret?"

 

Them... "yes....!"

 

You..... "So can I!"

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Maybe she's not even aware of it. Try to talk to her gently about it?

 

yes i have, but she still does it, she likes me because she can tell me anything and it won't go any further, she told me, and that's because i discuss subjects not people, people i would not trust get to know my business with her having this gossipy style - it is not right for a close friend to do this

Edited by darkmoon
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