Rooming with a Couple?

[wildgeese]

A recent situation has popped up and I thought I'd get some outside perspective. My SO and I have been together for going on 2 years and we're currently long distance (LD part of relationship has been for 9 months). That distance will end May 24th at which time I will be relocating to where he is now.

 

He's currently living with two other guys in a large 4 bedroom house. We have had plans to move in together once our respective leases were up for the entirety of our LDR. His two roommates have always been planning to live together as well. Well, one of the guys just decided to bail on the other and is moving back to his hometown. That leaves this other guy without a plan and really without enough money to rent a place by himself. (This is a metro area where rent is not cheap.)

 

My boyfriend and I were talking on the phone today and he mentioned that his roommate had brought up the idea of rooming with us. I asked my SO what his honest opinion was and he told me that he really wasn't sure. That he could see the pros and the cons, and that he doesn't want to strain our relationship in any way, or strain his friendship with this other guy. And that he also doesn't want to take away from us having our own space. I told him that I wasn't sure either, but that I would give the situation some serious thought.

 

I think we both feel awful that he had his plans ruined and is in a tight spot. We're both friends with him, my SO has been very close with him for 5+ years and I've been getting to know him for the past year or so, and we know that he's overall a good roommate. He isn't needy, he's clean, he'd let us have our space, he's great with paying bills, he even has a girlfriend so he wouldn't be at the house all of the time. Plus I genuinely like him and we always have a good time hanging out. I frequently hang out with him and his girlfriend when I am visiting my SO and he has to work. My SO is a workaholic with an opposite schedule of mine, so it could be nice to have someone else around to hang out with, make dinner with, etc. But I'm just not sure.

 

I just feel like it would take away from feeling like we're really living together, you know? Plus I would hate to put him in an uncomfortable situation if we're having a disagreement or make him feel left out. But I also hate saying no to a friend who is in a situation that he didn't really ask for. Yes, he could find a roommate on CL or something, but we all know that those situations never really work out.

 

Has anyone had an experience of living with a couple? Or maybe a friend who had that experience?

Edited April 25, 2012 by wildgeese

[darkmoon]

from what i've seen, flat-shares in the UK , the couple hang out in their bedroom for togetherness and the rest of the flat is common/shared ground, if you all get on, fine, cuz those flatshare agencies are not that professional

[FitChick]

I used to know a couple who rented out a room in their house because they wanted some extra money. It never caused a problem. The guy was almost never around. As a temporary situation, it sounds okay. Why have a stranger move in if you know someone suitable already?

[zengirl]

I've lived with friends who were a couple because they wanted to rent out the room for some extra income, and it was not a problem or drama. If one of Hubby's friends wanted to temporarily rent out our guest room, I'd also be okay with that at this stage in our life. I don't think you have to say yes, but I don't think it's a drama-laden situation or anything either.

[Els]

I think a major question here is: Will you resent him if you relocate solely to be with him and you both live with the other guy?

 

If you genuinely don't mind, then I don't think there should be anything wrong with it. Judging from your OP, I'm guessing that you do mind, at least a little bit, and you're only holding back your feelings out of guilt for the other guy.

 

Well, your SO deserves to know at the very least, what your thoughts are. Even if you both decide to go with the guy in the end. You would do everyone a disservice by repressing them out of obligation to the other guy (it really isn't the end of the world to him IMO even though it'd be nicer for him to room with someone he knows; most people are capable of finding other housemates by themselves. Those situations DON'T 'never really work out'. In fact, many people make new friends by moving into houseshares.)

[january2011]

This stood out to me:

 

My SO is a workaholic with an opposite schedule of mine, so it could be nice to have someone else around to hang out with, make dinner with, etc. But I'm just not sure.

 

I know someone who roomed with a couple. The guy came onto her. She had reservations and they all talked it out. The guy's girlfriend said she was fine with it, so the guy started sleeping with the girl as well as his girlfriend. After a while, the girlfriend couldn't handle it. The couple ended split up. The guy continued with the other girl but then dumped her and patched things up with his ex. A drama-filled, convoluted story, indeed.

 

That's not to say that something like that is going to happen to you. However, it's something to be aware of.

 

Bringing another person into your living space, especially if you are going to be spending more time with him than your boyfriend is a situation that could very easily escalate to create trust issues and jealousy. I know he has a girlfriend. However, she won't be living there with him, you will be.

[wildgeese]

I appreciate all of the feedback. I mainly wanted to get some outside perspective before I formed my own solid opinion. I eventually opted to say that I would rather not live with both of them, but just my boyfriend. My reasons for doing so are that I'd like to live solely as partners and not just as roommates with a plus one. I've done the whole two male roommates situation for years and I'm frankly tired of it right now. I'd much rather feel like the space was "ours".

 

Thank you!