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why pay for his coffee?


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we went for coffee he agreed to starbucks not wanting a cheaper alternative, he saves the table by sitting there so i have to get and pay for the two drinks i ended up asking him for the money for his coffee three times

 

then he says going for coffee is expensive i told him that the money means alot to me so he lends me five pounds and says "pay me back next week" i want to keep half cuz i don't want to pay for a man

 

thoughts?? just give him half the money back??

another male friend once expected me a female to pay, or hoped i would

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In the future, if you don't want to buy people coffee, get the money up front or just say you can't buy them anything.

 

But you already bought him coffee. It's done. Forget about it. It's only a couple quid or whatever.

 

Also, you borrowed money from him. So pay him back what you borrowed.

 

I'm not sure how it ended up with him lending you money when you asked him to pay for his drink. Why did you agree to that?

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This is in the friendship section, so I'll assume it isn't a date. Even then, I don't mind paying for a friend or date's coffee if that is what makes logistical sense. They way I see it, in the "pay coffee" score board, I get more than I give.

 

Like CC12 said, if you are at a point in your life where paying for someone else's coffee is impossible, say so upfront.

 

I would let this one go and pay him back the full amount you owe him.

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whichwayisup
we went for coffee he agreed to starbucks not wanting a cheaper alternative, he saves the table by sitting there so i have to get and pay for the two drinks i ended up asking him for the money for his coffee three times

 

then he says going for coffee is expensive i told him that the money means alot to me so he lends me five pounds and says "pay me back next week" i want to keep half cuz i don't want to pay for a man

 

thoughts?? just give him half the money back??

another male friend once expected me a female to pay, or hoped i would

It's just coffee..not gonna break your bank account.

 

Whatever happened to just being nice and buying a friend a cup of coffee? doesn't matter if your friend is a woman or a man. It's a friend!

 

All you could have said was, next time we get together, you're buying! And say it with a smile. No big deal.

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exactly whichwayisup.

 

furthermore, how do you think us guys feel when we pay for dinner for you and dont say "thanks" or just never want to see us again? we spend ALOT of money making the effort and get nothing in return.

 

so five quid... is nothing.

 

however, ill happily buy you a coffee tonight, since you live around me :p:D

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am poor - he's a friend not a date who had fifty pounds on him, i've paid all bills in my time living with a man so i am not immune, but also so i don't think i would pay for a guy again but would share bills, but look - i told him that it's a lot of money to me and i must say how he had fifty pounds on him more and more now i don't like him that much to have to pay for his company in future

Edited by darkmoon
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well he should know better. friends are supposed to be there to support each other... not take advantage, but at the same time that favour should be repaid at some point, know what I mean?

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well he should know better. friends are supposed to be there to support each other... not take advantage, but at the same time that favour should be repaid at some point, know what I mean?

 

i have a female friend who i treat alot more there for me everyday for six weeks after an operation and once lent me two pounds she i am happy to care for but i think this other friend is newer, i see freeloader, and i would always pay for myself unless shown i do not have to unlike him freeloading

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i have a female friend who i treat alot more there for me everyday for six weeks after an operation and once lent me two pounds she i am happy to care for but i think this other friend is newer, i see freeloader, and i would always pay for myself unless shown i do not have to unlike him freeloading

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friend is newer? how new? sure its not building to a "date"?

 

i don't like mean ppl, i do not want him in my life, but he did ask but then he asks alot of girls, i would not date him cuz he is mean (never knew in six months up to now) and fat odd dresser and i want better

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ah. "better". here we go.... that excuse.

how is he mean? in what way? are you sure you arent being dramatic? (im just asking!)

 

if he is genuinely mean, then tell him no friends. if not, then make it a friend and make sure you make it a clear distinction!

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ah. "better". here we go.... that excuse.

how is he mean? in what way? are you sure you arent being dramatic? (im just asking!)

 

you are as hard to actually like as him - am poor but you are not listening to that - he is a fat badly-dressed man who ponces off ppl even though he has money on him - i am not married to him and so have the freedom to say bye as i am to you too

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lol. typical british behavior.... this is exactly what im talking about and I told you what to do as well regarding the financial side of things but the fact that you ignored that and are obsessed about looks...just shows its not about the money. if it was a "hot" guy.... then the story would be different. and you know it would be.

 

no wonder so many single people...and no friendships but flings instead. cant even be civil or try to understand.

 

get the priorities sorted :rolleyes:

Edited by firehawk_1
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lol. typical british behavior.... this is exactly what im talking about and I told you what to do as well regarding the financial side of things but the fact that you ignored that and are obsessed about looks...just shows its not about the money. if it was a "hot" guy.... then the story would be different. and you know it would be.

 

no wonder so many single people...and no friendships but flings instead. cant even be civil or try to understand.

 

get the priorities sorted :rolleyes:

 

 

I NEVER SAID I'D PAY FOR A HOT GUY - i WOULD NOT PAY FOR ANY GUY IS WHAT I SAID - YOU ARE A TERRIBLE LISTENER

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you are as hard to actually like as him - am poor but you are not listening to that - he is a fat badly-dressed man who ponces off ppl even though he has money on him - i am not married to him and so have the freedom to say bye as i am to you too

 

Wow. That is sort of rude. You came here asking for advice, you were given some, you were asked some questions about your own behavior, and you take offense?

 

It doesn't matter if you are poor. You asked someone to coffee (evidenced by saying "he agreed" - had he asked you, then "you" would have agreed). You paid, and now you are angry because you find out somehow that he has 50 quid in his pocket, and you have now decided that he is mean and a freeloader.

 

If money is this much of an object to you, then you should brew your own coffee at home. Either you expected him to pay for you, or you should be able to pay for your own, in which case you are only out the price of one cup (his).

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Look, what's done is done. You are entirely within your rights to decide not to see this fellow again, etc, if you don't wish to.

 

But really, agonizing this much over paying for ONE coffee? Just let this time go and adjust your actions in the future accordingly. If you're so hard up for cash that paying for ONE more coffee is going to make you bankrupt, you really should not be going out for coffee in the first place.

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Do you think he'd want to spend time with you if he knew you were calling him 'fat, odd dresser', I think he could do with better 'friends' than you.

 

 

 

i don't like mean ppl, i do not want him in my life, but he did ask but then he asks alot of girls, i would not date him cuz he is mean (never knew in six months up to now) and fat odd dresser and i want better
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Do you think he'd want to spend time with you if he knew you were calling him 'fat, odd dresser', I think he could do with better 'friends' than you.

 

 

bravo. well said.

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Look, what's done is done. You are entirely within your rights to decide not to see this fellow again, etc, if you don't wish to.

 

But really, agonizing this much over paying for ONE coffee? Just let this time go and adjust your actions in the future accordingly. If you're so hard up for cash that paying for ONE more coffee is going to make you bankrupt, you really should not be going out for coffee in the first place.

 

i thought we'd go halves - and i didn't " somehow" know he had fifty cuz we went to the cash-point together - no he's not up to much imho doesn't like how i dress and told me by the way - now with his freeloading in plain sight this new friendship does not appeal 100% less and less in fact some posters have said let it drop and just pay which i will but not much more contact - he knows i am poor and chose starbucks

Edited by darkmoon
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sorry but he isnt the problem here. its more with your attitude and personality. has he ever done anything "mean" to you? Answer: no. maybe just breathing the same air as you classifies as being mean but this is very shallow and unreal.

 

you are saying half of the things, dont like the feedback then going back and adding other things. you dont really seem to be a true friend or supportive. then it does make you wonder why he isnt being supportive of you or understanding. you treat him bad in any shape or form, and the same will be given to you, maybe even harder.

 

it was meant to be about friends but clearly turning into more than that - looks, appearance.... typical snotty things. not good. friends are not built upon that. it seems that everything has to go your way and no consideration for others.

 

clearly, you were aiming for having a "hot" friend so it can go further than that at your convenience and leisure. or to mooch from them.

 

these things are unfortunately far too common especially in the UK. then you wonder why you cant find someone decent, friends or otherwise.

 

i wish you well. *sigh*

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Wow. That is sort of rude. You came here asking for advice, you were given some, you were asked some questions about your own behavior, and you take offense?

 

It doesn't matter if you are poor. You asked someone to coffee (evidenced by saying "he agreed" - had he asked you, then "you" would have agreed). You paid, and now you are angry because you find out somehow that he has 50 quid in his pocket, and you have now decided that he is mean and a freeloader.

 

If money is this much of an object to you, then you should brew your own coffee at home. Either you expected him to pay for you, or you should be able to pay for your own, in which case you are only out the price of one cup (his).

 

well said and thank you. good to know there are some decent and level headed understanding and objective people around here :)

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sorry but he isnt the problem here. its more with your attitude and personality. has he ever done anything "mean" to you? Answer: no. maybe just breathing the same air as you classifies as being mean but this is very shallow and unreal.

 

you are saying half of the things, dont like the feedback then going back and adding other things. you dont really seem to be a true friend or supportive. then it does make you wonder why he isnt being supportive of you or understanding. you treat him bad in any shape or form, and the same will be given to you, maybe even harder.

 

it was meant to be about friends but clearly turning into more than that - looks, appearance.... typical snotty things. not good. friends are not built upon that. it seems that everything has to go your way and no consideration for others.

 

clearly, you were aiming for having a "hot" friend so it can go further than that at your convenience and leisure. or to mooch from them.

 

these things are unfortunately far too common especially in the UK. then you wonder why you cant find someone decent, friends or otherwise.

 

i wish you well. *sigh*

 

i am not looking for a hot friend have never said so - some posters said pay and let it go which i will, so i am listening, which you are not to me - i've known him six months and seeing the first sign of freeloading, but don't worry Firefly, i'll screw him to make you happy, even though when i'm fat and badly dressed like him, i know to not expect seduction - and you apparently do?

Edited by darkmoon
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aww. make me happy? aww..... thats so sweet :rolleyes:

again your attitude shows. seems like you are the mean one here, not him. sorry you cant have everything your way, such is life whether you like it or not.

 

 

i think its clear what people have said and what they think already. i think its best to let this thread die and be left alone. sadly turns into a "flame war" when its not meant to at all but people cant seem to take advice they asked for but always take it negitively. so why bother in the first place?

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You have been friends with him for 6 months, and this is the first time that you have seen behavior like this from him - and now you have decided, from one occasion, that he is a poncy freeloader?

 

I am actually wondering if he has decided that YOU are a poncy freeloader, and he decided that this time he was going to not going to be the one at the till?

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