Feeling used...am I too off-base?

[NateC]

Okay, it's the same girl as with my other thread, but this deserves its own because well...the feelings I had for her aren't what I thought I were.

 

She's been my friend for a couple years now. We get along really well and are pretty close...close enough that she tells me things she would never tell even her boyfriend. Okay, fine. She now lives off-campus and her boyfriend is on campus, so she visits during the weekend.

 

My issue: yesterday she again was talking to me and asking me for advice about stuff, and I suppose the advice I gave was what she didn't want to hear so I get no response after a while. This morning I get a missed call from her with no response when I try to return it (I was at a lunch meeting). I then see her later on campus walking into the building...attempt to make contact via text and it's gone ignored so far.

 

Am I wrong to think she's only contacting me when she needs something? She could just be with her boyfriend and all that...but I don't really expect anything other than "I'm busy" or something along those lines...but the silence is irritating. Am I justified in this?

[callmegee]

Nate, are you referring to this girl @ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/322859-dealing-feelings-towards-someone-relationship

 

or which other thread?

[NateC]

Nate, are you referring to this girl @ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/322859-dealing-feelings-towards-someone-relationship

 

or which other thread?

 

Yes, that's the thread.

[callmegee]

You could have just continued in the previous thread instead of starting a new post.... but anyways.

 

Yep, she's coming to you only when it's in her favor, in her convenience, in her benefit. You're being used.

 

Seen this over and over between male + female close friends. When a man and a woman such confiding in each other and start lending their ears out and shoulder for the person to cry on, friendships deepen to something more... whether that "something more" goes acknowledged or unnoticed or both in denial.

 

She probably had feelings for you before, but since you never asked for anything more, she moved on to someone else, you were cool about it. Through it all, you are still her friend, her best friend, but.... never her lover.

 

So now she has no idea what to do with you. Sigh! Are you getting what I'm trying to tell you, Nate?

[NateC]

You could have just continued in the previous thread instead of starting a new post.... but anyways.

 

Yep, she's coming to you only when it's in her favor, in her convenience, in her benefit. You're being used.

 

Seen this over and over between male + female close friends. When a man and a woman such confiding in each other and start lending their ears out and shoulder for the person to cry on, friendships deepen to something more... whether that "something more" goes acknowledged or unnoticed or both in denial.

 

She probably had feelings for you before, but since you never asked for anything more, she moved on to someone else, you were cool about it. Through it all, you are still her friend, her best friend, but.... never her lover.

 

So now she has no idea what to do with you. Sigh! Are you getting what I'm trying to tell you, Nate?

 

Move on? I should probably tell her what she's really doing...she'll at least understand and maybe realize what she's doing isn't right.

 

I don't think she's ever had feelings for me because she's never shown it. She's already mentioned "other guys" to me and I've already asked if she ever felt anything...and the answer was no. While I do value friendships, if she doesn't take what I have to tell her well then I may have to re-evaluate it.

[NateC]

So now she's mad at me for "blowing up her phone"...well, maybe if she let me know she was alive then maybe I wouldn't have sent so many...although I don't think 4 in the space of 24 hours is all that much.

 

I give up...definitely not worth the trouble at this point.

[Lucky_One]

I need to go read the other thread, but my first response to this thread is that you are friends. I text or call friends, and if it is a general text, then I might not get a response. And if I don't, then it is ok. We are friends, and sometimes friends are busy or miss a call or life gets in the way, but I don't send more messages and more messages until I get a response.

 

Don't take "BF/GF rules" and try to put them into "friends only" relationship. You are expecting too much and getting your feelings hurt, when the situation would call for more casual behavior.