NateC Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Since I feel more comfortable here, might as well get this off my chest as well: I have a friend who I've known for a couple years now. She left school for her own reasons...then eventually got a boyfriend. They've been dating for I'd say...6 months now. We're actually fairly close friends and she tells me everything including things she doesn't tell her boyfriend. Here's the problem...even before she started dating this other guy, I've been interested in her, and she knows it. Her current relationship is going downhill quite quickly and I'm currently helping her either repair the relationship or move on...but I'm also trying to avoid conversations that are emotionally charged - i.e, I don't want the advice I give to be influenced by how I feel about her. I also don't want to go NC because it would ruin our friendship for sure...but I also don't want to do what I'm against and become a rebound. She's told me that "she doesn't deserve to be happy" and all these things...and it breaks my heart to hear it...but I'm not sure what to do. What do you all think? Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 even before she started dating this other guy, I've been interested in her, and she knows it You won't cut off contact but you also don't want to give biased advice, so that means you can't talk to her about her current relationship. In my opinion, you're left with referring her to someone else for support and dialing back your friendship to social activities rather than being her confidante. Otherwise, if you see your friendship as a higher priority than dealing with your pain, as your post indicates, then you sit there and you grin and bear it. Considering she knows that you like her and yet she still chose someone else, I must say that I think it's rather selfish and self-indulgent of her to lean on you like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NateC Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 I somewhat have myself to blame for being so close. I firmly believe that when someone opens up emotionally and is willing to discuss things with me, they really need it and appreciate advice that I give. She also didn't back off when I told her how I felt...so that's a good thing. I haven't let my emotions get the better of me and I should be able to keep myself in check for the most part. However, as her current relationship becomes further strained...I'm not sure how long I'll be able to just be friends with her as I do care a lot about her. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 I suspect that's because she's more concerned about offloading onto you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NateC Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 I suspect that's because she's more concerned about offloading onto you. Probably true...I know she trusts me a lot, but at some point something has to give. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 At this point, since you've dismissed all the options, I'm not sure there's anything else you can do other than vent on here. That will help you to release some of the pressure. Though as you wrote, "at some point something has to give." Link to post Share on other sites
Author NateC Posted April 20, 2012 Author Share Posted April 20, 2012 At this point, since you've dismissed all the options, I'm not sure there's anything else you can do other than vent on here. That will help you to release some of the pressure. Though as you wrote, "at some point something has to give." Yeah...you're right. Last night was *again* her spouting off about her boyfriend and all kinds of personal stuff...I did what I could and after giving my honest advice no response. She lives off-campus and her boyfriend is on-campus, so she's visiting this weekend...and hasn't made any effort to at least visit. Needless to say, I'm feeling rather used right about now... Link to post Share on other sites
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