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is this guy obsessed or what? weird!


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I have a male friend(former co-worker) that Ive known for years, when i was fired from my job 2 years ago we started to meet once in awhile for dinner, he bascially knew my situation that I was a single mom with no help and no money, well then he decided to start giving me money in a card when we would go for dinner. but now its to the point where i think he is obssessed and has very strange ways. Ive told him many times to stop giving me the money. that i didnt feel right. also he is very anal about everything he remembers every time we went to dinner and every time i have emailed/called or texted him!

he is very neat and organized , he also always gives me a "goodie bag" with many items in them ,like gum candy, office supplies, lotion, coupons. etc...

a few months ago he wanted to start taking me to dinner more often,and i did twice in 1 month, but then he seemed to get clingy(kinda hard to explain)

he emailed me saying that he wanted our relationship to grow and that to happend we need to see each other more. well ive told him along time i didnt want more than a friendship with him and that i dont want a boyfriend or to date him. so i told him again to remind him. he seems sometimes to get a little angry or something in his ways.

ok so almost 2 years of this cycle and now I just want to cut him off and out of it! i keep trying to but he gets mad when i have other plans or if i cancel a dinner with him! HE IS NOT my type and hes really boring and like being with a robot, boring! hes a nice guy just not for me and now i tell him to stop giving me the money but if i dont see him he just puts it in an envelope and puts on my front door with a bag of goodies!

so he di this last night, with $50 and i had to email him(as much as i need that $ b/c i have nothing right now) that i have to give it back to him

i dont know his reply yet, I also told him i cant go to dinner anymore b/c busy

I have even tried to lie and tell him i have a girl(friend) that i think they would get along and they should meet,(just to see what he says!)

you see, in all the years i have known him and other friends i work with we always thought he was gay or a virgin! he has never mention to anyone about a girlfriend or anything. I just feel like now it has become an obsession or something! Al my friends thinks its weird strange, and creepy and that I should stop all contact with him. but maybe he will become more crazy!

i need help please

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He sounds like the sort of person who thinks that giving gifts or doing nice things is enough to make someone his friend (or more). Because he does these things for you, he expects you to react a certain way. Because you are not reacting the way that he wants you to, he is getting angry. He doesn't understand.

 

I think you should document these incidents as they happen. You may need the information later if anything happens.

 

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is a good read and may be helpful.

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I dont know why he does this he says its because he knows i dont a job or money-i just need to figure out how to get him to stop! HE DOESNT LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY! he is very strange and weird! it would take me hours to write all the weird crazy stuff!

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  • 3 months later...
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this guy still does the same thing! yes its nice but i feel bad!

now i found out that my unemployment benefits exhausted last week and told him that i wouldnt be able to email him anymore b/c my electric, internet etc will be cut off and he offered to pay all my bills?!!!!!!!!

wtf?

i would love to have the money but i feel like i owe him something

all my friends say hes in love with me and infatuated etc.

what to do????????????????????

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this guy still does the same thing! yes its nice but i feel bad!

now i found out that my unemployment benefits exhausted last week and told him that i wouldnt be able to email him anymore b/c my electric, internet etc will be cut off and he offered to pay all my bills?!!!!!!!!

wtf?

i would love to have the money but i feel like i owe him something

all my friends say hes in love with me and infatuated etc.

what to do????????????????????

 

Why did you tell him about your recent financial troubles, with a clear history of him trying to pay his way to your heart, if deep down you didn't want (his) help?

 

It's obvious this guy is crazy about you. If you want nothing to do with him then you need to deal with your (financial) dependency and vulnerability to be able to cut him out of your life.

 

Yes, easier said than done, but still the logical course for you.

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because we are friends and worked with each other for over 8 yrs! he emails me everyday asking simple basic questions about my life

he says hes my angel and wants tohelp me

for the past 2 yrs every month we go to dinner, he gives me money or gift cards and a huge goodie bag of things i want and need

i dont respond and he will keep emailing me until i respond!9hint:thats why i dont give him my phone #)

ive tried to ignore him, and tell him stop and no etc...but doesnt work

he keeps giving! either through postal mail or leaving at my door the gifts

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Then you need to find yourself a man, one to take care of you and one who will mark his territory leaving little room for obsessive gift-givers.

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