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A difficult friendship


Hallux40

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New member here,

 

Will try to keep this as short as possible. Started university 6 months ago, mostly mature students (including myself).

 

Was split into groups for lab work, partnered with a girl...exchanged contact details, began to meet more and more often, asked her just before Christmas if she was single.

 

This is where it gets complicated, she told me at first that she'd just dumped her boyfriend; then a few weeks alter that changed to 6 months ago, then it changed again to the anniversary of their split at Christmas, then yet again to 14 months.

 

She is very aloof towards me on campus, but very flirty off...insists that she isn't attracted to anyone and wants to stay single; I told her that I liked her and she said that she really wants to stay friends, she actually made a big deal of wanting to keep me as a friend.

 

As well as university, I'm caring for a relative who has terminal cancer...he tok a turn for the worse over Christmas, I was stressed and panicked; told her what was happening and said I might not have the time to contact her for a while.

 

She seemed ok with this and said not to worry, later found out when we returned after the Christmas break that she wasn't happy about my decision and had discussed it with her housemate...ok, that's normal I guess.

 

Except that when we met at the end of Jan she actually told me everything her housemate said about me, some of it quite hurtful! I couldn't believe that she was actually telling me all this; after all it's normal for people to discuss things, but was there really a need to tell me all this? It served no purpose that I can see of...

 

At the time I was caught off guard and didn't broach the subject with her, I'd sort of ignored it as I didn't want to lose her friendship.

 

Recently she has become very indifferent, hardly contacts me and when she does there isn't much content...I've asked her about this but never received a straight answer from her.

 

I confronted her over the hurtful comments her housemate made towards me and asked her if she could see that it was incredibly insensitive to actually sit there and relay those things to me.

 

We've had a couple of minor misunderstandings before and and it has always been me to make the first move and apologise, however this time I really do believe she is in the wrong; but I've not heard anything from her.

 

I'd like a womans opinion if possible, she does say that she values my friendship and the last time we had a misunderstanding she told me it bothered her quite a bit that we didn't talk for several days; but it seems that now I've actually put her on the spot about her behaviour she's just going to walk away.

 

Do you think I should have just let the hurtful comments go, or am I right to have confronted her about them?

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From a guy's perspective-You may just want to have an honest heart-to-heart talk with her about what she said, because yes, what she said had no meaning, and if she valued your feelings, she would have never said it in the first place. If you can't get any honest answers out of her then, it's probably best to just cut her out of you're life. Friends-true friends value and respect eachother's thoughts and feelings, and she didn't have the right to relay what her housemate said about you. That's nonsense. Good luck :)

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Dealing with difficult friendship is never easy. In my life I have experienced several friendships which I unfortunately had to end because of irreconcilable differences. I know that sounds like grounds for divorce, but in many ways losing a great friend is like experiencing the pain of a divorce.

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Unfortunately, I still have not heard from her; which is going to make talking about it really difficult.

 

It's as though there is a total refusal to see or admit any wrong doing :confused:

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