Not sure how to deal with this anymore

[Rita86]

I really don't know what to do now.

 

I had a fallout with a friend recently:

long story short we had an argument over a misunderstanding, she ended up telling me that she wanted to end the friendship; I was really upset because I consider her a really good friend so I apologized for everything I may have said or done that hurt her. Eventually we talked things through and according to her it's a thing of the past and she says our friendship is very important to her.

 

The thing is, i'm just not feeling it, ever since that fallout/argument i have been the one to initiate any sort of text/call/meeting and whenever I text she replies with two or three words like "k. Cool"

Also she now takes hours to respond to me, i'm aware she has a life etc but i know she doesn't work and mostly spends her days at home (unless she got a job and hasn't told me) so it's kind of hurtful when i send a text and she replies 5-8hr later with a "k. Cool"

 

At this point I just don't know what to do, I can't be the only one making an effort here, i'm just really sad that it seems our friendship will never be the same. I don't really know what kind of advise I want, I just feel sad and don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening

[cerridwen]

These things really suck, don't they.

I find the breakdown of friendships harder to take than romantic relationships.

My girlfriends are especially important to me, so I feel your pain.

 

I noticed you mentioned all the apologizing you did.

Did she do any?

Should she have?

You're entitled to have your feelings respected too, Rita.

And if there was a misunderstanding, perhaps she should take equal responsibility.

From what you've described, it's you who is meeting her 75% of the way now, having apologized profusely.

 

So, while its nice you're so forgiving, friendships are best when they are reciprocal and free from thinly-veiled resentment.

I say, let her be.

And if you're so inclined, do the mourning and eventually let go of the friendship, so as to make room for someone who values buddies as much as you do.

[Ross MwcFan]

I really don't know what to do now.

 

I had a fallout with a friend recently:

long story short we had an argument over a misunderstanding, she ended up telling me that she wanted to end the friendship; I was really upset because I consider her a really good friend so I apologized for everything I may have said or done that hurt her. Eventually we talked things through and according to her it's a thing of the past and she says our friendship is very important to her.

 

The thing is, i'm just not feeling it, ever since that fallout/argument i have been the one to initiate any sort of text/call/meeting and whenever I text she replies with two or three words like "k. Cool"

Also she now takes hours to respond to me, i'm aware she has a life etc but i know she doesn't work and mostly spends her days at home (unless she got a job and hasn't told me) so it's kind of hurtful when i send a text and she replies 5-8hr later with a "k. Cool"

 

At this point I just don't know what to do, I can't be the only one making an effort here, i'm just really sad that it seems our friendship will never be the same. I don't really know what kind of advise I want, I just feel sad and don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening

 

It sounds like she still feels affected by what's happened. This doesn't have to mean things will never be the same though. Just give it some time and things may return back to normal.

[Rita86]

Thank you both for the feedback. I fear the friendship is over for good.

I had been having trouble reaching her on her phone (I would call and it would go straight to voice mail) i thought she may have been having some problems with her phone so i didn't think too much of it at first but this carried on for 2-4 days. Eventually I asked another friend if he's managed to get a hold of her or something, he tried calling her and did manage to reach her. I tried calling again and it went straight to voice mail.

 

I think it's time I took the hint.

I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment though, I really tried. It's just sad that things would have to end like this.

I was planning on writing her an email but I think it's pointless at this point, she clearly doesn't want to hear from me. So I must move on.

 

These things really suck, don't they.

I find the breakdown of friendships harder to take than romantic relationships.

My girlfriends are especially important to me, so I feel your pain.

 

I noticed you mentioned all the apologizing you did.

Did she do any?

Should she have?

You're entitled to have your feelings respected too, Rita.

And if there was a misunderstanding, perhaps she should take equal responsibility.

From what you've described, it's you who is meeting her 75% of the way now, having apologized profusely.

 

So, while its nice you're so forgiving, friendships are best when they are reciprocal and free from thinly-veiled resentment.

I say, let her be.

And if you're so inclined, do the mourning and eventually let go of the friendship, so as to make room for someone who values buddies as much as you do.

Thankyou! She did apologise profusely as well for the things she said as well. Which is why her attitude now just seems so off to me.

I can't help but think this is somewhat my fault.

[cerridwen]

 

Thankyou! She did apologise profusely as well for the things she said as well. Which is why her attitude now just seems so off to me.

I can't help but think this is somewhat my fault.

 

Aww,

It won't do any good to fault yourself, Rita.

You both said things.

You both argued.

You apologized and made an effort; what more could be expected?

She wants to distance herself.

Good riddance.

 

If you continue to want to blame yourself, look at why.

Why are you assuming more of the responsibility?

Why are you willing to see yourself as the bad guy?

If you're feeling that thorn of self blame, best to pull it out and examine it beyond the confines of this relationship.

It may be helpful to you.