Friend ignoring me. What can I do?

[Jaina19]

I think one of my friends is ignoring me and I can't understand why. I'm finding it very hard to deal with and I'm not sure what I can do about it, if anything. Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thanks

 

A bit of background: We originally met through online dating, went on a few dates over the month but it never went anywhere romantically as I felt, even though we got on great, we weren't compatible as a couple. (He worked too many hours, bit of distance.) He said he wanted to remain friends and for about a year we met up semi-regularly in the evenings and for days out. We got on really well and he became one of my closest and most reliable friends.

 

The last time I saw him was middle of october. We met up for the afternoon, just hung out in town and went for coffee. Nothing out of the ordinary. When he left he said hopefully see you soon, and we had been talking about a future day out.

 

But since then he seems to have been ignoring me. He de-tagged the photos of us together on facebook (I had a few from the times we were friends not dating) but I didn't think anything of it as he deleted lots of his own photos too and any he was tagged in by others so appeared to be having a clean up. I have sent 4 text messages that he has not responded to. Two at the end of october inviting him to a party and later asking if he wanted to hang out. One at the beginning of december asking how he was (as he said he had a busy month in november I left it then, though did try to say hello via facebook chat twice with no response) I then followed it up with a call later in the week which he didn't answer and didn't call me back. I sent the last text at the beginning of january asking if he had a good christmas and new year and no response.

 

I haven't tried to contact him since then as I'm beginning to wonder if there's any point. It is very unlike him to be this unreliable. He nearly always answers texts (sometimes forgets) and always answers the phone even if he's at work in the evening (as I've sometimes called unaware that he's working). It does upset me because we were close. If he didn't want to speak to me anymore, I had the impression that he was the type of person who would tell me so instead of just ignoring me. If I had a reason then I would finally know if he is ignoring me for definite, as it's still in my mind that he might just be busy, and for closure I guess. It does hurt.

I'm pretty sure it's not that I'm in a new relationship now as I started a past relationship when we were friends (and later broke up), and he didn't start ignoring me then.

 

What can I do, or should I just give up?

[MillyRad]

I fairly recently had something similar happen to me. It's really painful when someone you care about spontaneously starts ignoring you and/or blowing you off. In my situation, it was because my guy friend started dating someone and didn't tell me. I think he was also dramatically downplaying how close he and I were and how much time we spent around each other (she is apparently very insecure and doesn't like me) in order to win her favor. Turns out he wasnt being much of a friend at all.

 

Anyways, maybe your friend has started dating someone and feels the need to minimize contact with you in an effort to appease this other person. It's stupid, but it does happen. I hope that maybe there's some minor misunderstanding and you guys can work it out because it sounds like you guys did really connect as friends.

[Lucky_One]

How did he feel about you romantically? You say that YOU didn't think you were compatible as a couple; how did he feel about it? Because obviously, the work hours and the distance that you cite as a romantic obstacle weren't really obstacles at all, or you wouldn't have continued to get together and go out as friends.

 

Maybe he realized that he was harboring a crush on someone who was never going to return it. That he waited for you through a new BF that didn't work out, but you didn't break up with new BF because you realized that you actually were in love with old friend - and so he realized he was wasting his time and just hurting himself.

[carhill]

He said he wanted to remain friends and for about a year we met up semi-regularly in the evenings and for days out. We got on really well and he became one of my closest and most reliable friends.

 

If you hadn't met as dating potentials I wouldn't ask the following question but, as things are, here it is:

 

How many relationships/dating experiences has he shared with you since you 'became friends'? Over a year is a long time.