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Friend won't talk possibly jealous


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Old 13th October 2011, 11:45 AM   #1
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Friend won't talk possibly jealous

Ok, my best friend introduced me to one of her friends months ago. Since then we all hangout once a week as a girl thing. Her friend and I have become friends, so last week she invites me to go out with her without my best friend and I accepted. She only had room for 1 person and it was something she didn't think my best friend wouldn't like to do and knew I would.

Well after that day I tried texting my bestie and received no response, which is unlike her since she lives on her phone. She knew that I went with her friend since it was posted on FB and she texted her friend that night and she told her.

I found out that she was bent at me for going and now she won't talk to me at all, so I sent her a text basically telling her off. I just don't understand this, I would never be mad at her if she hung out with one of my friends without me.

I hangout all the time with my bestie and we talked every day so it's not like I'm ignoring her.


Was I wrong for going? Is she jealous I became friends with her friend? I've never had to deal with this sort of thing, so I just don't understand.

Would this bother anyone else? Please help I don't know what to do and I don't want to lose my bestie.
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Old 13th October 2011, 1:27 PM   #2
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This isn't the first time she's been upset with me, she gets what we call pouty when we go out. If someone comes up to talk to me she gives me dirty looks and just sits there and pouts. I'm very outgoing and where we go each week I know a lot of people there, so there is always someone coming up and talking to me. I try not to have long conversations because I can see her out of the corner of my eye getting mad. I've been dealing with this for 2 years now.

Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Should I just sit there and ignore the people that come up to me? We are not young and I don't think friends should get like this.

Does anyone have any advice? Should I change what I'm doing or is my friend out of line for acting this way?
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Old 19th October 2011, 11:13 AM   #3
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well I'm a 17 year old guy, and I don't see anything wrong with it. if it were me, I wouldn't go to that extent with you. you are entitled to a social life. your friend can't take that away from you. you're not doing anything wrong. if she keeps doing it, she's jealous and wants only you. I don't know how you have endured it for two years. but yeah. its not you that's in the wrong
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Old 19th October 2011, 11:39 AM   #4
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If I were your best friend, it would have been nice if I had been invited and given the choice to turn you down if it was something I didn't want to do.
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Old 20th October 2011, 10:15 AM   #5
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GG3 I totally understand that but her friend should of asked her not me. She did confront her friend and asked her why did you invite her and not me.

Unforetunately I think our friendship is over since I haven't heard from her in over 2 weeks.

I just can't believe someone can get so mad over you hanging out with other people.
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Old 20th October 2011, 11:17 PM   #6
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I've had something similar to you in that a friend of mine seems to want me all to herself. She started going to the same places as me as we have a mutual male friend. That's not a problem. Of course, I wouldn't leave her out if she was on her own so have included her and introduced her to my friends, the ones I always used to sit with and talk to. Now they know her too and so she's become one of the group. None of that is a problem except that I feel scrutinised by her. Also, when I try to talk to my other friends, she either joins in with what was a conversation just between me and one of them or sits there looking intensely at me which makes me feel pressured to include her.

I used to have a social life with these friends but now I feel constrained and have stopped going out to hang with them so much. I don't seem to get the opportunity to chat with any of them without her joining in, even if it's clearly a one-to-one discussion. I don't think she should need to join in every conversation I have with my friends, especially as if there's a group of us she could always strike up a conversation with the one opposite her or near to her, not the one I happen to be chatting to at that point. It's really irritating. I feel she's cut me off somehow. She also wants to talk to me all the time when sometimes I like to sit quietly and listen to whatever entertainment is on. I can't figure out why all this bothers me so much except that I don't feel free any more. Last week, I suggested an outing to another friend and we arranged it, even though she was nearby in the group. I wanted to spend some time with him not the whole group. I could tell she was not happy but I stuck to my guns and ignored her. I feel I shouldn't have to do this. If she'd arranged to go to something with one of the group, I wouldn't automatically feel I should have been included or that I should join in with that discussion. I accept that we all have different interests and connections.

I don't think you've done anything wrong going out with another friend as long as you don't change your behaviour towards your best friend. You two need to have independent lives as well as the close friendship you share. I do understand the pressure you are feeling as it sounds similar to my situation. What I don't understand is why some people need to be so intense. Don't let her control you. I'm struggling to find ways of making sure I stay my own person and still have the freedom I had before, while still treating her as a friend. I have to say I feel pulled in two directions. I don't cultivate friendships with women particularly so I don't know if I'm being selfish about this or not.

Last edited by spiderowl; 20th October 2011 at 11:23 PM..
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Old 24th October 2011, 2:32 PM   #7
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Your best friend sounds a little petulant and hungry for attention. Just because you're best friends doesn't mean that she has to be involved in everything you do, or that you have to devote all your attention and conversation to her when you guys are together, especially if you're a very social person and you two are in an environment with a lot of people.

I agree with your comment that it was the other friends responsibility to extend the offer to your BF for the event - not yours.

If you don't want to confront your friend about her pouty behavior, then offer her a very sincere apology for offending her - even if you feel that you've done nothing wrong (which is what I agree with). If you don't want to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong, then call her on her behavior.

Last edited by Almond_Joy; 24th October 2011 at 2:34 PM..
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Old 24th October 2011, 2:44 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderowl View Post
You two need to have independent lives as well as the close friendship you share.
Quote:
Originally Posted by spiderowl View Post
Don't let her control you. I'm struggling to find ways of making sure I stay my own person and still have the freedom I had before, while still treating her as a friend. I have to say I feel pulled in two directions. I don't cultivate friendships with women particularly so I don't know if I'm being selfish about this or not.
Co-sign. Strongly agree with this. I don't think it's selfish; being around emotionally demanding people is a very heavy obligation, one that I don't think is appropriate to place on a platonic friend on a consistent basis, regardless of how close they are.

Just my 2 cents.....
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