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why do men-freinds expect sex?


darkmoon

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i know they like it, but this is about why alot of my male aquaintances think i am up for it. i don't dress sexy, am average looking but wonder what it is that is telling men that a yes is assured.

 

i blame porn and half-dressed celebrities giving men the impression that women are all available. i'm not talking men in love, rather, i'm talking men making passes

 

this is not flattering, to be asked, coz guys can get pretty snarky if a woman says no. too, it's not about being the numero uno either as some men-friends tell me openly that they want rich women

 

do other women find this sexual free-for-all a bit much?

 

i'd like men and women to answer :)

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SincereOnlineGuy
why do men-freinds expect sex?

 

 

There is no such thing as "men friends" in this context.

 

 

The only reason why they have any interest in you is because they see themselves as being in-line to get into your pants, and/or for your romantic affections.

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There is no such thing as "men friends" in this context.

 

 

The only reason why they have any interest in you is because they see themselves as being in-line to get into your pants, and/or for your romantic affections.

Pretty much this.

 

IMO a smart woman would understand that all men she knows would like to have sex with her.

 

It's just how men are.

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I'd expect sex too if a girl wanted to spend alone time and I wanted to be a lone with her. Keep some boundaries and keep the friendship less intimate if you don't want to be propositioned. Girls make better friends if you want to have dinner dates, or go see movies with out much likely hood of sex.

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i know they like it, but this is about why alot of my male aquaintances think i am up for it. i don't dress sexy, am average looking but wonder what it is that is telling men that a yes is assured.

 

i blame porn and half-dressed celebrities giving men the impression that women are all available. i'm not talking men in love, rather, i'm talking men making passes

 

this is not flattering, to be asked, coz guys can get pretty snarky if a woman says no. too, it's not about being the numero uno either as some men-friends tell me openly that they want rich women

 

do other women find this sexual free-for-all a bit much?

 

i'd like men and women to answer :)

 

No such thing as men friends. All guys want to do girls they hang with, if we didn't we would not hang around them

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Absolute bollocks cutecatch...you need to grow up...i have 3 or 4 female friends and i don't want to bed ANY of them...we're friends and i value their friendship a great deal.

 

Too much generalization and sexist remarks on this post!!!!

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Feelin Frisky

I've never "expected" anything. If I'm attracted I might have hopes that it will go that way but no "expectations". If I'm not attracted, I can be a friend without the sexual dimension.

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i know they like it, but this is about why alot of my male aquaintances think i am up for it. i don't dress sexy, am average looking but wonder what it is that is telling men that a yes is assured.

 

i blame porn and half-dressed celebrities giving men the impression that women are all available. i'm not talking men in love, rather, i'm talking men making passes

 

this is not flattering, to be asked, coz guys can get pretty snarky if a woman says no. too, it's not about being the numero uno either as some men-friends tell me openly that they want rich women

 

do other women find this sexual free-for-all a bit much?

 

i'd like men and women to answer :)

 

 

You seem to think it's abnormal behavior for men to try to have sex with women.

 

Why is that?

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You seem to think it's abnormal behavior for men to try to have sex with women.

 

Why is that?

 

i never used the word abnormal. but if i dress dull and my male freinds are looking for someone special with me as an interim sexual fixture, it became a query for me to run on here as to wonder what others made this sexual free-for-all and why these men get snarky

Edited by darkmoon
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  • 2 weeks later...
Smileydevil11

Hi to all....

Well from my experience..when a man is a friend of a woman..it ultimately turns out that the man is used up for everything..i.e.

1. To kill their lonely time when their boyfriend does not have time.

2. Want to go out for drives, movies, lunches, dinners.

3. To have a shoulder to cry on someone who can listen to their sorry tales with boyfriends, family, work or life issues..

4. Need some financial assistance.

5. Want to meet up with them everyday day as they want their boyfrienda to know they to have a life.

6. Leave your work for her work and then be called a loser.

7. All at the expense of a man friend.

 

So these very men are burned emotionally, financially, mentally, by their so called woman friends without getting anything in return..

I have suffered the same..so have some men..so when a woman friend can expect all these by cant a man friend expect the same & in now it better start in the inital stages of the friendship because later it all get messy

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its all because of the growing culture in the metros that men usually believe that each girl is ready to accept their desire if they say that they want to sleep with them.....but it is not true....the men who expect this should get their thinking into the right place...

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i know they like it, but this is about why alot of my male aquaintances think i am up for it. i don't dress sexy, am average looking but wonder what it is that is telling men that a yes is assured.

You might want to consider hanging out with a different crowd.

 

i blame porn and half-dressed celebrities giving men the impression that women are all available. i'm not talking men in love, rather, i'm talking men making passes

That is a reasonable conclusion.

Are these men friends or acquaintances & are they flirting or making passes. The answer is; friends DON'T make passes.

 

 

this is not flattering, to be asked, coz guys can get pretty snarky if a woman says no. too, it's not about being the numero uno either as some men-friends tell me openly that they want rich women

It sounds like you need to reclassify these friends as acquaintances & then find a new social network :)

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I think a lot of it comes from this stupid phenomenon called f*ckbuddies or "friends with benefits".

 

It appears to me that there are a lot of people who are physically lonely (they have friends but no sex partner) and so they look for someone to share their bed with. You are a logical choice (in their eyes) if you are friends with them and don't have a current BF/SO/H.

 

If you value their friendship but don't want to be FB with someone, then be blunt and plain "Hey, Bill; I have zero desire to have mess around with you. Go ask someone else. You know I love you and all that, but I am not about to mess up our friendship by crossing that line." Keep it light the first time, and get stern the second. If he keeps pushing, then end the friendship.

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what do your words convey to these men? what does your body language say to them?

 

are the two in alignment?

 

IF my words say no - but i'm openly flirting - and getting too close to them = they will get a mixed signal...

 

what message are you sending with both forms of communication?

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what do your words convey to these men? what does your body language say to them?

 

are the two in alignment?

 

IF my words say no - but i'm openly flirting - and getting too close to them = they will get a mixed signal...

 

what message are you sending with both forms of communication?

I don't think there is anything she is doing to send them signals.

 

They are men and she is single. That's all that's needed for the guys she knows to want to sleep with her.

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It comes down to the de-masculinization of the western male.

 

You see, men are taught at a young age that their natural sexuality is "wrong" and that they need to be "respectful" and "gentlemanly" to all women. A lot of this comes from organized religion and a lot comes from the feminist movement. Now, I'm saying that this is entirely bad. It's not. It's just how it is nowadays.

 

Somehow, there's a very popular misconception that the proper way to seduce a woman is to court her for months on end, become really good friends first, and "take things slowly". Unfortunately, this type of behavior is extremely manipulative and almost never works. The reality is that women are far more attracted to men that are up front and open with their sexual intent and masculinity, men that take action, and men that are not amicable and friendly.

 

Really, it's pretty easy to see why women get so frustrated when their male friends try to sleep with them. The poor women thinks she has a new shopping buddy and all of a sudden and out of nowhere it's like "Surprise, I have a dick!"

 

The long term solution is to teach our boys to be men. Teach them to communicate man to woman not friend to friend when they feel attraction or sexual tension. Teach them how to properly and respectfully seduce a woman without manipulation or supplication. Teach them to be confident and powerful with their sexuality. Teach them to be men!

 

I could write a lot more about this but I digress,

 

Brent

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You see, men are taught at a young age that their natural sexuality is "wrong" and that they need to be "respectful" and "gentlemanly" to all women. A lot of this comes from organized religion and a lot comes from the feminist movement. Now, I'm saying that this is entirely bad. It's not. It's just how it is nowadays.

 

Really? I thought that men had been taught to be respectful and gentlemanly to women since somewhere between the 11th and 13 centuries, and that it was the feminist movement that actually led many men to say that it was time to treat women less gently and more like men.

 

I look at kids in the teens and young adults in their 20's, and I see more disrespect towards women than I see in adults in their 30's and up.

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What Brent said has been pretty much my experience.

 

I was raised by a single mother and I had to go to church on a regular basis.

 

Basically told to be respectful, and keep my hands to myself. That becoming friends first with a girl is the way to do it.

 

Thank mom, for F-ing up my life :)

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Poor widdle thing - it's all mommy's fault.

 

Somedude, if you really believe that your mother screwed you up, then change. DO SOMETHING to change.

 

And newsflash - there are a whole heaping lot of women out there who DO want a man who is respectful and keeps his hands to himself. We DO like men who are polite and listen to us and treat us in a way that shows we are more than a pair of tits and a p*ssy. Yes, we love making love as much as men, but we don't want our bodies to be the be-all-and-end-all of our attractiveness.

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Poor widdle thing - it's all mommy's fault.

 

Somedude, if you really believe that your mother screwed you up, then change. DO SOMETHING to change.

 

And newsflash - there are a whole heaping lot of women out there who DO want a man who is respectful and keeps his hands to himself. We DO like men who are polite and listen to us and treat us in a way that shows we are more than a pair of tits and a p*ssy. Yes, we love making love as much as men, but we don't want our bodies to be the be-all-and-end-all of our attractiveness.

News to me, because I haven't met any.

 

When you say change, I don't know what to change into.

 

Being polite and respectful hasn't done sh*t for me. But I just can't switch into being a jerky player.

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I don't think there is anything she is doing to send them signals.

 

They are men and she is single. That's all that's needed for the guys she knows to want to sleep with her.

 

we all send out signals. it's constant. we transmit energy as humans. do some research - people "just know" in a split second what others have going on - and body language DOES play a part in it. open your mind - people TELL YOU things without saying a word.

 

What Brent said has been pretty much my experience.

 

I was raised by a single mother and I had to go to church on a regular basis.

 

Basically told to be respectful, and keep my hands to myself. That becoming friends first with a girl is the way to do it.

 

Thank mom, for F-ing up my life :)

 

stop believing what you were taught. more than that - stop blaming anyone but yourself! YOU don't like it? YOU can change it! change the way YOU believe by doing things differently than before. but YOU can only change YOU... and the way YOU think.

 

News to me, because I haven't met any.

 

When you say change, I don't know what to change into.

 

Being polite and respectful hasn't done sh*t for me. But I just can't switch into being a jerky player.

 

be the best man you were intended to be. don't do harm to self or others... get out of any fears by overcoming them - and live in your truth. it's freedom!!!

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FrustrationSetsIn
we all send out signals. it's constant. we transmit energy as humans. do some research - people "just know" in a split second what others have going on - and body language DOES play a part in it. open your mind - people TELL YOU things without saying a word.

 

I have to agree with this. People send out all kinds of signals all the time, even if they don't realize it. Sometimes the signals are misread or mixed up by the person receiving them. And sometimes the signals are read just perfectly but the person sending the signals doesn't even realize it or does and completely denies it to themselves.

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Reading the OP's other thread on a related matter, I would opine to seek out different people to associate with.

 

Also, when interacting with male friends, take equivalent interest in their SO's and wives, IOW be a friend of the couple. I've found over the decades that this diffuses a lot of potential 'misunderstandings'.

 

If you find yourself constantly surrounded by unattached men, expect them to approach you sexually. Spend any amount of time reading these forums and you will come to understand that both women and men expect men to do that. It's part of a 'normal' male's psychology. Examine why they're in your life and what you truly have in common as a basis for friendship.

 

Regarding 'signals', that's an important aspect and IME not directly related to appearance or natural demeanor. IOW, a relatively unattractive woman can be putting out the 'I'm available' signals and men sense this. I see it all the time and have fallen for it a few times. Signals don't have to be overt and can be as subtle as expressions, cadence/timbre of voice and mannerisms/body language. Men may naturally be attracted to a 'hot' woman but 'hot' isn't the universal determiner of sexual attraction.

 

A possible indicator of 'signals' can be found in this post in the linked thread:

 

"I had a long-lasting boyf who ran a night-club (lots of sex opportunities) could tell when he was messing around, but he was my security and he never let me feel I didn't matter "I could forgive you anything" he would say mid-coitus (!) or "we were made for each other""

 

You had a BF who was 'messing around' with other women and you stayed with him because of 'security'. How you resolved that in your psyche and dealt with it affects your 'signals'. Nothing exists in a vacuum. It's all related.

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Reading the OP's other thread on a related matter, I would opine to seek out different people to associate with.

 

Also, when interacting with male friends, take equivalent interest in their SO's and wives, IOW be a friend of the couple. I've found over the decades that this diffuses a lot of potential 'misunderstandings'.

 

If you find yourself constantly surrounded by unattached men, expect them to approach you sexually. Spend any amount of time reading these forums and you will come to understand that both women and men expect men to do that. It's part of a 'normal' male's psychology. Examine why they're in your life and what you truly have in common as a basis for friendship.

 

Regarding 'signals', that's an important aspect and IME not directly related to appearance or natural demeanor. IOW, a relatively unattractive woman can be putting out the 'I'm available' signals and men sense this. I see it all the time and have fallen for it a few times. Signals don't have to be overt and can be as subtle as expressions, cadence/timbre of voice and mannerisms/body language. Men may naturally be attracted to a 'hot' woman but 'hot' isn't the universal determiner of sexual attraction.

 

A possible indicator of 'signals' can be found in this post in the linked thread:

 

"I had a long-lasting boyf who ran a night-club (lots of sex opportunities) could tell when he was messing around, but he was my security and he never let me feel I didn't matter "I could forgive you anything" he would say mid-coitus (!) or "we were made for each other""

 

You had a BF who was 'messing around' with other women and you stayed with him because of 'security'. How you resolved that in your psyche and dealt with it affects your 'signals'. Nothing exists in a vacuum. It's all related.

 

Yes, but he was a man I said YES to as he gave me much safety. I was his favourite and because I had money I never moved in with him - he asked for money a couple of times - crucially that was quite a while back

 

 

it's the men thst I don't dess up for ones that have insisted we're freinds who i get troubled by - they say thay don't fancy me and then they do - with me still as the interim fixture and beleive me I dress dull on purpose

no mixed signals

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